


Just South of Casual

by Luci-Cunt_OG (Luci_Cunt)



Category: Original Work
Genre: End of the World, F/M, Gun Violence, M/M, Suicide mention, Violence, author doesn't know what subtlety is, it's funny tho? I hope?, just quite a bit, road tripping, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 60,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luci_Cunt/pseuds/Luci-Cunt_OG
Summary: The end of the world is nigh and Ash feels just fine about it. In fact, her biggest annoyance is the fact that she has to last a whole week before the planet blows up.Cal is a bit less enthusiastic about the end-of-all-things, and he's racing across states to try and find an ex he never managed to get over.AKA: just the time killer Ash needsThere's action, humor, and kids being idiots--but in the end, what's it really matter since they'll all be dead by Sunday.





	1. Its The End of the World as We Know It

**Author's Note:**

> aj;dsljaf ok I caved and stuck this here. Some disclaimers first::::: 
> 
> I am very proud of this because it's one of the first things I've ever actually finished BUT she is ROUGH aksjdf;ladskj. The plot is a mess and there's quite a few things that I would change if I was going to but I have to get back to hw and 3 other wips so I'm just going to say: sorry in advance XD
> 
>  **Big ole warning also:** Ash is suicidal and recovering (mentally) from a suicide attempt. She struggles with these issues throughout the story so if that's not your beat no worries!

**They announced the end of the world on the tv.** It was twitter trending within an hour, and every talk show you could think of was talking about it. Except for Jimmy Fallon, who just let the prerecorded Roots cover air instead and went home with his family. I’m pretty sure that’s the way everyone else should have gone with, but I also think people wanted a sense of normalcy, which meant gossiping about what all the celebs are wearing to the end of the world.

It was set to happen in a week, on Sunday. The scientists were quoted on the _Huffington Post_ and the _New York Times_ , and every other blog and newspaper you could think of. They said an asteroid was supposed to hit Earth, just wipe us out, like with the dinosaurs. Blow us off the face of the planet without a second chance.

I couldn’t give less of a shit. All my friends panicked, my mom flipped out, and everyone I knew was either getting ready to hole up in some most likely useless bomb shelter or busy checking off family members and bucket list items. Except for me. I didn’t care, mostly because dying didn’t seem so bad, and going out in a fiery inferno sounded pretty dope. I didn’t care about dying, the scars running up my wrists and the hospital bills my mother yelled at me for proved that. 

In fact, a week sounded like a hella long time to wait, and I was almost excited about it. Except for the fact that, despite the government trying to hold together some semblance of balance, police officers were mostly staying home with their families or tossing aside any facade of cleanliness they’d had before. People were buying dope in daylight, smoke from marijuana could be seen puffing out behind groups of people as they smoked crudely made blunts and walked past schools. Which were mostly empty, because either kids skipped, or their parents pulled them out. Only the really hardcore’s kept their kids in, trying to hide behind a routine. I thought it was bullshit, but I hated school more, so usually I wandered around, accepting hits from strangers blunts and hoping it didn’t give me lung cancer and kill me before the exciting part. 

The world was ending, even before it actually ended. Chaos and street gangs began ruling cities, people started stealing money to get into one of the few shelters that had been cleared to actually have a chance of being safe, or just setting buildings on fire just because they had a lighter. And then there was me, humming a song as I wandered down the street with a cynical smile on my face.

It was the end of the world as I knew it. And I felt fine.


	2. Cynic, Meet Romeo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, the classic "open your story with an alarm" sin, we're off to a great start XD

**_Bzzzt… Buzzzt… Buuzzzzt…_**

My eyes opened and the ceiling greeted me. My phone was vibrating like crazy and I reached out to grab it before it fell off my bedside table. Except, it wasn’t on my bedside table like it should be, instead the shit thing was on my rug above my head, and I was lying on the floor.

I sat up and glanced around.

Luckily I was still in my room, but I didn’t remember falling asleep on the floor last night. I glanced at my phone, _‘School Time You Lazy Slob’_ the label read, and I shut off the alarm, flopping back onto the floor to stare at the ceiling some more.

Guess I forgot to turn that off. I kind of felt like laughing suddenly. 

They’d announced the end of the world two days ago, on Saturday. Everyone had been talking about it, and most of my friends were freaking out. I hadn’t even thought about school on Monday, I’d been too busy partying all weekend. My friend George had been having some _‘bon voyage’_ party for the world and even though he and a bunch of his other friends kept up appearances that they were all ready for the end of the world, I’d had to leave early because they all got too drunk and just ended up crying on the floor.

I think there’s something wrong with me, for not being afraid of my impending death. Or at least for feeling so annoyed with everyone else for being so upset about it. I mean, we all die eventually, they should have seen this coming. It’s hard to feel cheated out of something you were never really promised in the first place. 

Uncle B chided me in the back of my mind for thinking that. I ignored him and pushed myself up off the floor, propped myself up on my elbows as I glanced around my room with a bored look. 

Everything was the same. Just like it always was. Plain, normal, and messy, my room was a disaster, and I felt a nagging tug in my gut telling me to clean it up. I knew that was my mom–Kenya–and Uncle B, but thinking about doing anything suddenly seemed immensely overwhelming. 

My room _apparently_ looked empty. To me it looked full and busy but my mom never seemed to have enough to say about my bare walls. 

_‘When I was your age I had so many guys on my walls…’_

_‘It looks like a prison in here!’_

_‘Don’t you have any interests?’_

If she ever bothered to ask (like Uncle B did) she’d know I had a lot of interests. They just didn’t involve her and they were mine. My private hobbies and interests. Uncle B says I’m a control freak, it makes sense but I still snap at him and tell him not to say it. He just smiles because he knows I only snap when I know he’s right. I hate when he knows when he’s right.

My hobbies and interests are mine though, I don’t usually let anyone in on them. In fact, Uncle B was the only one who knew I liked to play bass. He even bought me a bass and an amp so that I didn’t have to play on the shit one I stole from Georgie. Mom had laughed at him when he laid it down on the table in front of me. 

I’d been having birthday lunch, mom was blabbering about how we were going shopping and I couldn’t care less. Uncle B had just let himself in and I hadn’t even bothered to look up until he set the guitar on the table in front of my half eaten sandwich. 

Mom had laughed, saying something about how I hadn’t even ever seen a guitar in my life. But I blocked her out and grinned at Uncle B, who had been holding an amp. When my mom noticed how excited I was about it, she looked more closely at the sleek bass. It was black, smooth and shiny. There was a pack of stickers under it Uncle B had gotten me so I could decorate it. Mom had made some comment about how Uncle B was being cheap for getting me a used bass and amp. We both ignored her.

Sometimes I think that the only family I actually like are the ones I’m not related to by blood. Dad–Nicholas Jeffers–wasn’t my biological dad, and Uncle B wasn’t my biological uncle, but I still loved both of them more than I’d ever love my mom.

All that was in my room was a desk–covered in papers and half finished homework (that I didn’t have to do anymore)–my unmade, unused bed, and piles of dirty laundry scattered around my floor. It was cold and I let myself shiver on the floor for a moment.

It was nice to have something cut through my apathy. When I first started to have moods like this I used to test what my boundaries were. See how far I had to go to feel something. I’d imagine my mom dying, or Uncle B, when that didn’t work I’d slice cuts up and down my legs with a box cutter. Nothing came close to bothering me except the pain. I could control the pain. Now I knew I’d just have to wait it out, the chill was helping a little, and something tugged in my gut. I followed it and pushed myself up off the floor all the way so that I was standing.

_Wow, you sorry sack of shit. You can’t even get up in one try without lying there and feeling sorry for yourself. Way to go._

I swallowed and rolled a kink out of my neck like I could silence the thoughts. 

_Six more days. Six._ I promised myself, then I sucked in a breath and walked out into the hallway like I had some kind of purpose. I decided when I got to the bottom of the stairs that I would go see Uncle B and I paused as I passed the kitchen. I wasn’t hungry but I knew Uncle B would chew me out if he found out that I hadn’t eaten anything today. After a moment's hesitation I decided not to waste my breath and passed by the kitchen. 

Without thinking I slipped into the sweater that was hanging up by the door and into my slides. There was a mirror at the end of the hallway and I purposefully avoided looking at it. I knew what I’d see and I didn’t feel like seeing it.

I didn’t realize until I hugged the sweater closer to me that it wasn’t mine, or my mom’s, or Uncle B’s. Mom had probably had someone over and I just stole their sweater. The thought of my mom having someone over and them wearing this made my skin crawl. I pulled it off and dumped it in a trash can. Instead hugging my bare arms closer to myself and grumbling about the cold as I set off toward Uncle B.

I was wearing the same pair of sweatpants I had yesterday and the same yellow shirt. I didn’t notice it until I walked up to Uncle B–he looked me over and gave me a vaguely disapproving look. I pretended not to notice it, pulling my shoulders back and stopped hugging myself as I caught sight of one of Uncle B’s customers. 

Uncle B was a drug dealer, he was light skinned–not much lighter than me–and had hair so short it was almost completely shaved. He had a gold hoop in his right ear and a cocked smile that always made his right brow raise a little higher than his left. He was tall, and I wished I was related to him by blood so that I could have a chance of inheriting his tallness. 

Uncle B was my mom’s ‘good friend,’ I wasn’t sure they hadn’t dated at some point, but the idea of Uncle B and Mom fucking grossed me out so bad I never thought about it. He’d just _been_ there as long as I can remember. I don’t even remember meeting him for the first time. He wasn’t my uncle and his name didn’t even start with a ‘B.’ I just called him that because that’s what he called me. 

I was Bee, he said it was because I looked all cute and fuzzy until someone said the wrong thing and then _bam_ , stinger in the ass. I used to run around grinning and chanting ‘Stinger in the ass! Stinger in the ass!’ while giggling and trying to outrun my mom and dad as they scolded me and Uncle B around their own laughs. That was before mom started taking my antidepressants, and before dad died.

Uncle B raised his hand in greeting and flashed me a quick smile before finishing up with the guy talking to him. I reached him just as Uncle B passed off a plastic baggy and the guy took off, barely giving me a second glance. As soon as the guy was gone, Uncle B’s brow furrowed at me.

“Where’s your coat? It’s freezing, you’re going to get sick,” I shrugged and pretended I wasn’t shivering my ass off, but I smiled a little.

“The world’s ending anyways.” I said sardonically. Uncle B rolled his eyes and stripped off his hoodie.

“You want to die sniffling? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Nope, both arms in–yeah, there you go,” he said as he prompted me into shrugging the hoodie on. He raised a brow and I rolled my eyes at him and zipped it up before stuffing my hands in the pockets.

“Happy?” I asked. I tried to sound annoyed but it was nice to see Uncle B, and his sweater was really warm. Uncle B smiled at me.

“Very,” he said, without the hoodie on I could make out the top of the rose tattoo he had on his left shoulder. He’d only shown it to me once, because I’d pestered him into it. It was beautiful, a black and white cluster of roses tied together with thorny vines. It crawled up the base of his neck, curling back in on itself and down to his shoulder. Uncle B didn’t like it, but whenever I asked him why, he just said it reminded him of someone he didn’t want to be and got a sad, angry look in his eyes. I hated that look, so I stopped asking. 

“You going somewhere today?” he asked after we’d passed a couple moments in content silence. 

That was something I wished my mom would get, every moment didn’t have to be filled with words. Sometimes things just needed to be quiet. 

“No, I just wanted to come say hi,” I said, Uncle B nodded idly and glanced out over the road. 

“You eat today?” he asked, I bit my lip and didn’t look at him. “Here,” he said, rifling through his other jacket and pulling out his wallet, he handed it over. “I know there’s a Dim Sum place down the street that’s still open, they have one of those fancy sushi bars too that serves you sushi on a conveyor belt.” He said, not really trying to disguise the obvious concern in his voice. I took the wallet and pulled a ten out, tucking it in the hoodie before handing back the wallet. 

“Maybe I’ll blow all your money on clothes,” I said, he raised a brow and gave me another _‘Really?’_ face. “Or drugs,” I added, teasing him. He rolled his eyes.

“I have drugs, and what? You’re going to blow all my money before the world ends? _Oh, no_. It all goes to you anyways you leech,” he said in a similar tone. I smiled as he shoved my shoulder playfully. I couldn’t tell whether or not Uncle B felt the same way about the end of the world as I did. I didn’t have the guts to ask.

“Whatever, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I said as I started backing away from Uncle B and out of the alleyway. He waved me off and shook his head around a laugh. 

“Stay safe!” He called as I turned to follow the road, I sent him a mocking salute.

“Wouldn’t want to miss the end of the world!” I called back before going around the corner and out of Uncle B’s sight. I followed the road for a ways and told myself I was looking for a place to eat food, but I wasn’t really paying attention to the buildings as I passed them. I just wandered down the road and let my mind be blank for a while. 

The world wasn’t much different now that it had an expiration date. Though, that might just be because this is Oregon, no one gives a shit in Portland. The only sign that anything was different was the up in crime. More buildings were sporting graffiti tags and scorch marks. People were getting bolder, I mean, what were the cops going to do? Kill them?

I was interrupted from my non-thoughts when I heard crashes and rough laughter coming from up ahead. I looked up to see a group of teenagers throwing rocks and other stuff through the windows of an abandoned law firm. I ducked down an alleyway so I wouldn’t have to cross paths with them. 

The alley I’d gone down was trashy. Covered in layers and layers of spray paint and the asphalt beneath my feet was plastered with garbage. There was a group of crows chowing down on gross smelling garbage that was pouring out from a knocked over can. Papers fluttered in the breeze and the crows barely spared me a sideways glance with their beady eyes as I passed them. 

To my left I could hear giggling and slight yelps through a rusty door. I looked up, _‘soup kitchen’_ had once been written, but now it was crossed out and replaced with a real subtle drawing of a pair of tits. The same crude drawing was on the door in red spray paint with the message _‘cum on in’_ over it. 

I moved past the door faster and tried to block out the sounds coming from inside. I was just getting past the door when it burst open. I jumped back and wrapped my hand around the tiny can of mace that was in my pocket on my keychain. Backing up so my back was to the wall I watched as a guy rushed out and shut the door fast, leaning up against it and sighing in relief. I made a face and cleared my throat. The guy jumped, before spotting me and making an equally annoyed face at me. 

We both opened our mouths to say something but suddenly the door was shoved open again. The guy struggled to keep it shut as arms reached out and pulled at his clothes. That definitely didn’t help his already ruffled appearance. Panic started to cloud his face as the giggling girls on the other side started to shove harder and his shoes slipped on the garbage slicked pavement. 

I sighed and ran over to grab his arm. He snarled at me and pulled away, before getting thrown onto me by the door suddenly getting shoved open with new force. He clawed his way out of my arms and I glared at him.

“You want help or not?! Come on!” I said, grabbing his sleeve again and dragging him away before the girls could spill into the alleyway. We ran down to the street as the crowd behind us chased us with loud wolf whistles and mocking moans. They didn’t run after us though, I didn’t blame them, I wasn’t about to run wearing 18 inch heels either. 

I dragged the guy across the street and up into one of the charred buildings that had been abandoned. We passed by some guy sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag and someone screamed from one of the other rooms. The guy on the floor didn’t even flinch, I didn’t stop to wonder if he was dead and instead threw open one of the doors to one of the apartments. It was empty, and surprisingly clean despite the water damaged and charred furniture. I slammed the door shut behind us and let go of the guy, walking a couple steps before I turned around and crossed my arms.

I looked him over. He was good looking, I’ll admit, but it was ruined by the scowl on his olive skinned face. He had aqua colored hair that was shaved on the sides and left long on top. I could see his brown roots were growing back in. He was tall, and lean, with bigger shoulders, I’d guess a swimmer or something. He was wearing a lime green shirt that said ‘suck it’ in block letters and a darker, dirtier, hoodie over it. Plus a pair of skinny jeans and converse. The knees of the jeans were blown out, and I could see scratches covering his knees. His sharp face was covered in freckles and he probably would have been a lot cuter if he wasn’t jutting out his sharp jawline angrily. He mirrored me and crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

“I was handling that,” he hissed through his teeth. I raised a brow.

“Really?” I asked, not believing him. He had lipstick marks all over his face, I gestured to them and he scrunched up his face. I rolled my eyes and pulled out my phone so he could use the camera like a mirror. He took the phone cautiously before looking at himself and scowling. He scrubbed at the lipstick and only managed to smudge it so that it looked like he’d just had a rainbow barf on his face. Eventually he gave up and handed my phone back over angrily.

“What do you want?” he demanded, I rolled my eyes and went over to look in the fridge, my stomach had started rumbling.

“Uh… you got a name?” I asked, opening the fridge and peeking inside. It was empty, except for a rotting rat. I sighed and closed the fridge, instead leaning on the counter and watching as the guy narrowed his eyes at me. 

“Why?” he asked suspiciously.

“I saved you, you owe me a name,” I said, with a nonchalant shrug. He didn’t change his face.

“You don’t know who I am?” he asked carefully. I screwed up my face and let out a sharp laugh.

“No, I just met you,” I said, then I narrowed my eyes and looked over him again, more intently. He had sharp blue eyes that were almost as bright as his hair, and a tiny scar under his eye. He cleared his throat hurriedly.

“No reason–uh, my name’s Cal,” he said quickly, I raised a brow and waited for him to continue. When he didn’t I rolled my eyes.

“Whatcha doin’ in Portland, Cal? Besides running from hookers.” I said innocently, he narrowed his eyes at me. 

“Why do you want to know?” he asked, I shrugged again.

“I’m bored,” I said, before smiling a little, “and I saved you, so you owe me an answer.” I added, he glared. 

“You can’t keep saying that.” He growled through his teeth, I just waited. Finally he seemed to decide something and he sucked in a breath. I frowned, it was almost like he’d recognized something.

“I’m looking for someone,” he said, I raised a brow.

“Oooh, who are you looking for?” I asked, “I know a lot of people, I could help,” I added, his distrusting face didn’t lift but he answered anyways.

“Someone named Koda Jeffers.” I swallowed and furrowed my brow.

“Why are you looking for Un–” I stopped myself, “–Koda?” Cal sized me up again, biting the inside of his cheek like he was thinking something over. Finally he shifted.

“He knows where someone named Kevin Arthur is,” he said. It still didn’t give up any details. 

“Why are you looking for Kevin?” I prodded.

“He knows where Mia is,” he said vaguely. I stepped closer to him challengingly.

“Why are you looking for Mia?” I persisted, Cal stepped toward me, equally challengingly.

“Because I’m looking for Mia,” Cal said, though now he was sounding more defensive. I smiled.

“Who’s Mia?” I asked, he opened his mouth and I held up a hand. “Wait–let me guess…” I said, squinting my eyes at him like I could read everything about him. Cal shifted awkwardly and glared at me more, but he shut his mouth. “Ok, I’m thinking, arch enemy, who you swore you’d kill one day and now’s your best chance with the impending world’s end?” I said, Cal made a face. I sighed and sucked on my cheeks. “No? Ok, then… oh–! A love story for the ages. You were separated from your girlfriend and know you’re having to track her down before you both die,” I said, this time Cal rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t stop glaring at me but I smiled victoriously.

“So, Mia huh?” I said, he growled.

“What’s it to you?” He snapped, I smiled wider.

“I think I might know a Koda Jeffers.” 

“Take me to him.” Cal’s face dropped every ounce of anger and his eyes widened as he rushed forward. I stepped back and clutched my mace instinctively, he pulled up short and crossed his arms again. “Sorry, I just–I need to find this person,” he said, the edge was back in his voice, but now it sounded like it was mixed with worry and exhaustion–and desperation. I nodded, holding out my hand.

“I’m Ashleigh, most people call me Ash,” I introduced, he took my hand slowly and shook it suspiciously, like he was worried I was going to snap his wrist.

“Nice to meet you… Ash.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note kajsdf;lakdsj jI wrote the second draft like, immediately after reading AFtG so if there's like, a lot of similarities (there will be oops) it's because I'm dumb XD


	3. Connections

**By the time we reached Uncle B, I couldn’t figure out whether or not I liked Cal.** He had a strong personality, and he wasn’t opening up about anything interesting. He also seemed to be actively avoiding the subject of the world ending. It didn’t seem like he was afraid of dying, as much as annoyed that he had so little time to track ‘Mia’ down. I couldn’t tell if he felt the same way about the end of the world as I did, but I didn’t have the guts to ask. 

I saw Uncle B before he saw me, and I gestured for Cal to follow me around the corner down the alleyway Uncle B had been earlier. He was busy with someone, so Cal and I held back for a moment. I noticed Uncle B shooting me glares that I pretended I couldn’t see and instead struck up idle conversation with Cal.

“So, where are you from?” I asked, he made a face at me but let it drop to an exhausted one. He’d given up being suspicious when he realized the only reason I was pressuring him about his past was because I was a nosy bitch. 

“Washington,” he said, I wrinkled my nose in mock disgust.

“Oh,” I said, he mimicked the face back at me.

“Ore-gone, _oh_ ,” he mocked, mispronouncing Oregon. I rolled my eyes just as the guy Uncle B was talking with left and Uncle B called out.

“Aye Bee, good to see you again,” he said, I turned and pulled on Cal’s sleeve so he’d follow me. Uncle B gave him a wary once over and Cal just crossed his arms and glared. Uncle B looked back at me and pursed his lips. “That was way too quick for food Ash, and I’m not selling you drugs.” he said, I sighed.

“Fine, Cal, no meth today sorry,” I said, acting disappointed. Uncle B rolled his eyes. “We want to know if you know a Kevin–uh, Kevin… Altruth?” I guessed, I couldn’t remember what the last name was. Uncle B’s face hardened though.

“Arthur.” Cal and Uncle B corrected at the same time. Uncle B looked at Cal again, this time more closely, like he was surprised he was still there. I watched both of them suspiciously.

“Yeah… Arthur… You know him?” I prompted when Uncle B didn’t continue. He tore his eyes away from Cal and fixed an intense glare on me.

“No.” He said solidly. I screwed up my face.

“But you–”

“No.”

“The n–”

“I said _no_ Ash.” He said, his voice was low and I took a subtle step back as he used my actual name. He only ever used it when he was serious. The last time he’d even used my full name was the last time I tried to kill myself. 

_Bee–Ashleigh, Ash–Ash!_

I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes at him.

“I’m going to find out one way or another, I’d rather have it be from you and not some junkie,” I said cooly. Uncle B turned around to hide his face as he rubbed his hands over his head. When he finally turned back around he looked more worried than pissed.

“Bee, _please_ , stay out of this one,” he pleaded, I furrowed my brow. I wish I could have said that his pleading made me want to drop the subject, but it was only making me more curious. I tried to shove the burning feeling of guilt down farther in my gut.

“Who’s Kevin Arthur, _Koda._ ” I said, I hoped I threw as much weight into his name as he did for me. He closed his eyes and sighed defeatedly. When he opened them they went over me like it was the last time he’d ever see me.

“Not someone you should be looking for,” he said, but now he just sounded tired.

“Please,” Cal said quietly from behind me. Both Uncle B and I turned to look at him. “I need to find him,” he said, I turned back to Uncle B.

“C’mon Uncle B, it’s for true love,” I said, Uncle B watched Cal again, this time more intensely, Cal didn’t break his stare. 

“Why are you looking for Kevin?” Uncle B asked Cal.

“No rea–”

“ _True love_ ,” I interrupted, elbowing Cal in the ribs–he shot me a glare. Finally Uncle B relented.

“Mika?” he asked, Cal blanched for a moment, shooting me a glance before nodding reluctantly and I glanced between them. “Fine, god knows Mika needs the help, I uh… last I heard Kevin was heading back to California. Del Norte maybe?” he said, I grinned and pumped my fists in the air. 

“Boom, ok Cal lets go,” I said, grabbing Cal’s sleeve to pull him away again, Uncle B grabbed the hood of my hoodie and yanked me back.

“Bee,” he said, I looked him in the eyes. “I want my hoodie back before the world ends.” I smiled and nodded. He nodded back and pulled me into a quick hug. I let myself hug back, then I turned and finished dragging Cal out of the alley. He dug his heels in as soon as we were out of earshot and tore his arm away from me. I paused and looked back at him.

“What’s the deal?” I asked, he made a face.

“Why are you helping me?” he asked, I shrugged.

“I’m bored, and this seems like more fun than sitting on my hands and waiting for the world to end,” I said honestly, Cal squinted at me for a moment, like he was trying to gauge how honest I was being. I pulled at the sleeves of Uncle B’s hoodie, making sure they covered my wrists. If he noticed it, he didn’t react. He just kept staring at me, for a second I thought he was going to refuse but then that shadow passed back over his face. Like he recognized something about me, it made me feel like I was missing something big. He sighed finally, and I shook the thought and the feeling out of my mind and scratched absently at my wrists.

“Fine, whatever, where are we going?” he asked, I smiled.

“Bus, duh, I bet there’s one we can catch that’ll go all the way to Cali,” I said, then smiled at myself, “hah, Cal’s going to Cali.” I muttered, he rolled his eyes but followed me to the bus station.

It turned out there was a bus going all the way to Del Norte, but it wasn’t leaving for another half hour, so Cal and I had to wait in the bus stop. I offered to go out and get food but he said he didn’t want to risk missing the bus, then realized that he should have kept his mouth shut and glared at me. I was leaning against the plexiglass sides of the bus stops, the bench was small and I’d stolen the seat in the corner so Cal glared at me while leaning on the other side of the stop. I was messing around on my phone before I sighed and dropped it in my lap.

“So, how’d you and Mia meet?” 

“Why are you doing this?” We both asked at the same time. Well, Cal more demanded it while I sounded nonchalant and bored. I tried and failed to hide a laugh.

“I already told you,” I said, Cal shook his head.

“Yeah, I know, _you’re bored,_ but don’t you have family? Or a boyfriend? Girlfriend? Someone like you doesn’t just _not_ have ties,” he said, “What about that Koda guy? You seemed close,” my face hardened and my gut clenched.

_Family_ , I didn’t really like that word. It made me think of Mom and Dad before Dad died. It made me think of the way Uncle B was more of a mother than Mom was. It made me think of how much I’d resented him for trying to replace my father. No one would ever replace my father, no one could. Uncle B and I only really got close again when I was seven, a year after my father died when I finally screamed at him that I didn’t want him to be my new Dad. He’d been so surprised, and finally explained that he didn’t want it either. 

I thought about Georgie for a second, he might miss me, but he’s also a dumbass who I wouldn’t miss. I have a sneaking suspicion he only liked me for Uncle B’s business anyways. And my ass. I have a great ass so that makes sense, but it doesn’t make him less of a jackass.

That just left Uncle B, I would miss him, but I’d be back. Besides, the world was ending and no one could miss anyone when we were all dead. 

“Nope.” I said finally, then changed the subject quickly, “How’d you and Mia meet?” I repeated, Cal seemed to catch my tone and he just shook his head.

“School,” he said vaguely. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Mmm, I bet… I bet you’re sporty, so you probably had some kind of cheerleader-jock kind of thing going on,” I said he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I captained a track team, Mia was on the cheer squad,” he said, he tried to sound casual but I noticed his lips turn up just a bit as he thought about it.

“And…?” I prompted, his smile eventually won over and he laughed a little, eyes unfocused and pinned to the floor. Smiles fit Cal’s face a lot better than the scowls did, it brightened his eyes and got rid of his frown lines. I made a note to make him do it more.

“Why not–” he said, “Uh, one time, I’d just won first in some meet and the entire school was screaming. Mia was beaming and I couldn’t help myself, I ran over and we just kissed. The whole school went nuts, it was great, Mia was blushing so bad…” he said, the corner of his mouth quirked up a little more than his left when he smiled like that. I smiled too. 

“Mia sounds nice,” I said, he was still staring at the ground and smiling at the memory.

“Yeah… yeah, Mia’s really nice,” he said, I frowned.

“So why did you guys split up?” The smile vanished from Cal’s face and he rubbed his arm absentmindedly, still watching the floor. 

“Mia’s dad wasn’t really for us,” he said vaguely. I frowned again, Cal seemed like a good guy, I wondered why Mia’s dad was against them. “He’s the biggest cunt I’ve ever met,” he added as a growling afterthought. I raised a brow.

“Well, tell me how you really feel how about?” I said sarcastically, he rolled his eyes, but they still looked far away.

“Mia only ever wants to be good enough and that ass won’t let–” he stopped himself and swallowed hard. He glanced back up at me. “I just don’t like him.” He said defensively, he crossed his arms again and leaned farther into the wall. 

“So… what, you promised Mia you’d only come back if the world was ending?” I prodded. He nodded.

“Yeah, something like that,” I got the hint and stopped talking about Mia. Instead bringing up some idle chatter about how I was glad we didn’t have school anymore. Cal seemed to only be half listening but I didn’t mind. By the time the bus rolled up a light rain had started drizzling and I pulled Uncle B’s hoodie closer to me. 

We rode on the bus quietly, managing to snag seats next to each other. There was some guy on the other side of Cal who kept trying to strike up conversation, but we kept shutting him down with our glares. We’d been riding for a little over an hour and a half when the bus pulled to a stop. The driver mentioned something about not wanting to drive anymore and just go home for the night. I didn’t blame her, the world was ending, and judging from the pictures taped to her window she had kids or something. 

Everyone piled off the bus with mild complaints and Cal and I made our way through the tiny almost-city of Salem. It was an odd, aesthetic mix of urban-meets-nature, with lush gardens and steel and concrete buildings melding together. Cal and I stopped in a mostly empty 7/11 parking lot, I was sitting up on a raised concrete garden that had been placed out in the middle of the parking lot, eating a bag of trailmix I’d bought while Cal was using the 7/11’s bathroom. 

“So, you got any supplies?” I asked around a mouthful. Cal raised a brow and gestured to his bagless arms.

“What do you think?” he asked, I rolled my eyes I threw another handful of nuts in my mouth and then screwed up my face as I bit into a raisin and spit the whole mouthful out. Cal made a face at me. “You’re so gross,” he muttered, looking back around at the surrounding buildings. I checked my bag to make sure there weren’t any more raisins. 

In the whole two and a half hours I’d known Cal I’d like to think we’d bonded. I did feel a little bad it was mostly him sharing experiences and me staying closer to easy topics. But I didn’t like being open with people, being open means trusting and trusting means giving up control. Maybe Uncle B’s right, I am a control freak. But opening up also got you ‘sympathy’ except it wasn’t real sympathy, more like pity. I hated pity almost as much as I hated raisins.

“So, what are we going to do now?” Cal asked, I shrugged.

I remember my mom used to call trail mix G.O.R.P, Good Ole Raisins and Peanuts. Dad and I used to laugh and pick the raisins out and call it G.O.P. Dad would feed mom the raisins and some of my M&M’s and I used to scrunch up my face and make grossed out noises at my parents being all lovey-dovey.

“Donno, wait until there’s another bus to Del Norte?” I said, I rolled a kink out of my neck, thinking about my mom made me want to do something illegal. Cal was too busy making his _‘there-is-one-single-fiber-keeping-the-impulse-to-punch-you-from-happening’_ face at me to notice my sudden tenseness. 

“What about when we get to Del Norte? I was looking at a map and it’s huge, how are we going to find them? I mean it was kind of a freak accident that I ran into you and–” I raised an eyebrow at him and he cut himself off. Realizing he was rambling he straightened and crossed his arms over his chest. I leaned back on my arms and chewed on my trail mix as I watched him.

“Well, it’s the end of the world, time to cash in on miracles,” I said, he rolled his eyes, any spark of the anxiousness I’d seen moments earlier gone.

“You believe in miracles?” he asked pointedly. I noticed his eyes dip to my wrists, he probably didn’t even mean to do it and I pretended I hadn’t seen it.

“You met me,” I said with a grin I didn’t feel. 

Cal glared at me. “I’m being serious, how do we plan on finding someone in a huge city?” he said, I shrugged.

“Why don’t you just text her?” I asked, he made his face at me.

“She doesn’t have a phone.” 

“How about her dad?”

“No.”

“We could pretend to be–”

“No.”

“Acquaintances?”

“No.”

“Stalkers?”

“No.”

“Stop saying no.”

“No.”

I growled at him and he glared back.

“Why is your girlfriend so hard to find??” I asked, he clenched his jaw and his eyes unfocused. I got the feeling he wasn’t angry with me. I took the hint though and sighed.

“Whatever I’m hungry, let’s get food,” I said, he narrowed his eyes at me.

“You just ate an entire bag of trail mix,” he said, I nodded.

“Yeah, but Cal, food is literally the only good thing about the world, you can never have enough,” I said, he rolled his eyes.

“Fine, but we’re making this quick, I want to find another bus,” he said, I gestured around.

“Chill man, it’s not even three yet, you’ve still got six days to find your Juliet,” I said, he pursed his lips.

“Romeo and Juliet die at the end of that play,” he said, I grinned.

“I’ll be Mercutio and we’ll have almost the full cast, complete with tragically young deaths for all of us.” 


	4. Man Man and the Stand

**I pushed through the doors of the Mexican place Cal and I had decided on.** I didn’t bother holding the door open and instead closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of tortillas and _carne asada_. Cal rolled his eyes and pushed past me to the podium where a _‘Please Wait To Be Seated’_ sign was taped and a bored looking host was messing around on his phone while leaning on the stand.

Cal cleared his throat when the host didn’t notice us. The guy glanced up, looked to both of us and sighed before going back to his phone.

“Two?” he asked, he sounded put upon, like having to seat us was the most difficult task in the world.

“Yeah,” Cal said and the guy picked up two menus before leading us into the dining room, thumb still tapping something on his screen. He threw the menus down on a table and mumbled something about specials. I tuned him out and looked over the colorful menu.

Half the things on them I couldn’t pronounce, and I didn’t want to order them because I didn’t want to butcher the language. I remember I used to get Uncle B to order for me because I didn't want to be embarrassed. He was fluent in a lot of languages and used to chatter with the staff at almost anyplace it seemed. The most surprising was when he and my latin teacher started talking about my grades in latin when they didn’t think I was listening.

Sometimes I wish Uncle B was actually related to me so I could get some of his language genes. I’m ok with Spanish and I can say simple phrases in German, but nothing else. Once I asked Uncle B to tell me how many languages he knew, he’d just given me a vague _‘a lot,’_ and when I asked him _why_ he knew so many he’d given me an even more vague– _‘better to know than not, it’s gotten me out of some tough spots.’_

I slapped down my menu as soon as I started thinking about Uncle B. I ignored the ache in my gut and tried to pretend like I didn’t imagine not coming back and him dying alone at the end of the world. 

Cal glared at me over his menu and I smiled around the sick feeling in my gut. I think he was getting better at reading me, and I wasn’t liking that. We’d both started warming up to each other more after the bus ride, he’d fallen asleep and his sleeves had rolled up to expose tiny scars shaped like circles that dotted all the way up to his elbow. I’d let the sleeve of my own jacket ride up a little but I didn’t ask him about them. We hadn’t even said anything but he’d been being less suspicious.

“So, whatcha getting?” I asked quickly so that he couldn’t ask me anything. He rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know, this place is awful,” he muttered, scanning over the menu again. I rolled my eyes back at him.

“I’m getting tamales,” I said, he didn’t bother looking at me.

“Mm,” he hummed, uninterested, after a moment he closed his menu and set it down on the end of the table. He grabbed mine and stacked it on top.

“So? What’s the verdict Mr. Grinch?” He spared me a glare and leaned back in his seat so he could cross his arms over his chest.

“Salad.” 

“But that’s so boring.”

“You’re ordering tamales.”

“That’s because they taste good.”

“Salad tastes good.”

“Yeah, maybe to giraffes.”

“Are you calling me a giraffe?”

“If you think salads are good then yes.” The waiter interrupted our bickering.

“What do you want?” the guy asked with a large sigh as he pulled out a notepad and pen from his apron. He glanced between us with a bored gaze that he didn’t even bother moving his head for.

“I’ll have the–” suddenly the doors burst open, interrupting me _again_. All three pairs of eyes looked over to the front doors as a tall angry looking guy shoved his way in and threw an accusing finger up at the waiter.

“You fucking _CUNT!_ ” the guy yelled and I raised a brow. Cal slouched down in the seat like he hoped he could disappear. 

Angry dude was _hot._ He was crazy tall and muscly, wearing a brown leather jacket and a pair of jeans that had no business looking _that_ fine. He had monolid grey eyes and white hair up in a gelled quiff. He was clenching a jaw that could cut _steel_ , and I really hoped he swing a punch.

“Hey, hey, _tranquilo_ Home–” the waiter said, putting up his hands submissively. He pronounced ‘Home’ like Ho-meh.

“No! Angelo I warned you! I said not to go _near_ Ali and what do I find out–” the waiter–Angelo–shushed angry guy and looked around like he expected cops to bust in through the doors.

“ _Dios,_ keep your voice down,” he hissed, angry guy didn’t.

“No, Ali told me you were _blackmailing_ him?” he growled. Angelo clenched his teeth.

“Home, keep your voice down or else,” he said, Homie glared back.

“Or what?” he challenged. Angelo didn’t even break eye contact as he pulled a gun I hadn’t noticed out of his waistband. Homie froze and dropped his eyes to the gun. 

I’d only ever had a gun pulled on me once, that had been dope. This was not.

“Or I blow your head off,” Angelo said.

“That’s a little hypocritical,” I said without thinking. I only realized my mistake when Cal kicked my shin hard under the table. _Fuck, I’m trying to stay alive._ Luckily Angelo ignored me, Homie shot me a glance and I couldn’t tell if he was concerned or annoyed with my outburst. 

“Listen, if Ali wasn’t a pussy you wouldn’t even know about this, it’s just a small gig, not even anything the cops are going to worry about right now,” Angelo said, his hand was completely still with the gun trained on Homie.

“I told you to back off,” Homie said, Angelo made a face.

“I know, and I also know that Ali wants the cash, which is why he came to me. He just went to you because he didn’t like how little I was offering,” he said, Homie dragged a hand down his face. “Take my advice Home, drop Ali and stop trying to be Cannon, it’s not going to happen,” he said, Homie dropped his hand and his lip started twitching as he glared at Angelo. Angelo now had both hands on the gun.

“I’m not trying to be her,” he said quietly. Angelo made a face. 

“Yeah ok, now leave before I start blowing holes in your jacket,” he threatened. 

“What about the blackmail?” Homie asked, Angelo faltered for a moment.

“He was lying,” he said unconvincingly.

“What are you leaving out Angelo?” Homie asked lowly. Angelo scowled.

“Nothing,” he said too fast. “Now leave, Aatami.” 

“Not before you tell me,” Homie said, they stared each other down.

“I told him that I had his DNA planted on the scene already,” Angelo said finally. “I told him that when he threatened to go to the cops after I wouldn’t pay him more.”

“This guy seems like a real piece of work,” I said, forgetting about my survival instincts again, Cal kicked me again and I winced. This time both Angelo and Homie’s eyes snapped over to me. Cal groaned, but I’m pretty sure I was the only one that heard it.

“You should probably stay out of this,” Angelo said, I made a face.

“I’m hungry, and the sooner this bitch fight is over the sooner I get food. I think I’ll keep my foot in it thanks,” I said, totally throwing any last self preservation out the window. “May as well enjoy myself,” Homie looked at me like I was crazy, Cal was kicking me under the table, and Angelo looked like he couldn’t believe I was prioritizing food over my life. 

“Hello?” I asked, kicking Cal back under the table and looking between Angelo and Homie. Cal winced and glared at me some more, the other two just stared at me blankly. I snapped my fingers and pinned Cal’s legs to his booth so he couldn’t kick my already bruising shins anymore. He looked about ready to reach across the table and strangle me. Luckily Angelo shook his head–either in astonishment or disappointment–and Homie blinked back into existence. They looked back to each other and Angelo let the gun drop a little.

“Leave it alone Aatami, you can’t do anything about it, he’s really not anyone you should be fighting for,” Angelo said, he sounded surprisingly sincere and Homie seemed to hear it. He sucked in a breath and let it out in a long sigh before flicking his eyes up at the ceiling like he was trying to decide something.

“Whatever, just, leave him out of this,” Homie said finally, and Angelo nodded and stuck his gun back into his waistband, he started retreating to the kitchen and I yelled after him.

“Pork tamales with colorado and one salad for the lady thanks!” I could hear him and Cal rolling their eyes at me, though Cal’s was more of a scowl. 

“Do you _have_ a deathwish?” 

“Yes, don’t know how it took you that long to– _hello,_ ” I said, seeing Homie suddenly standing in front of our table. I slowly put down my arm, which I’d been trying to point at to emphasize my point. Luckily it was still covered with Uncle B’s hoodie. I grinned, Cal shut his mouth and scowled, and Homie looked apologetic. 

“Hi, I’m really sorry about that, I didn’t even realize there was anyone in here, if I’d have known–”

“No, no no no, no, trust me, it doesn’t bother us at _all_ ,” I said, winking very not subtly at him. Cal rolled his eyes and tried to slouch back in the seat more, my feet still pinning his legs stopped him and it just made him glare at me more. 

“No–really, I shouldn’t have just stormed in here, I probably should have seen the gun coming” he continued, I doubted he’d even seen my wink. That was seriously disappointing so I switched tactics.

“Well, if you’re hungry you could pay us back by eating lunch with us, and paying,” I said casually, Cal had given up glaring at either of us and was now stabbing the vinyl booth seats with a butter knife. He looked at me pointedly between stabs and I pretended not to get the message he was sending.

“Oh, I mean, I wouldn’t want to intrude–” Homie started, I waved him off.

“No, no, trust me you aren’t, come on, we don’t bite,” I said, grinning again and swallowing another more suggestive comment. Homie nodded finally and sank down into the seat next to me. He eyed Cal cautiously but didn’t say anything.

“I’m Aatami by the way, Aatami Home,” He said, I laughed and he rolled his eyes. “I know, I know, my name means ‘Man Man’ thanks,” he said, I laughed harder.

“I was laughing because your last name’s homie, that’s even better though,” I said.

“Who even asks you that, I doubt anyone knows hebrew,” Cal said pointedly to the table as he stabbed another hole in the booth. Homie smiled warily, he was doing a great job of ignoring Cal’s stabbing.

“You’d be surprised,” is all he said.

“Well,” I said, trying to pick the conversation back up, “I’m Ashleigh Jeffers, you can call me Ash, this is Cal, we’re traveling across the states for true love,” I said smiling brightly. Homie nodded and glanced between us. “Traveling for his girlfriend, we have to find her,” I clarified quickly, Homie nodded. “Wanna come?” I asked, then regretted it as Cal looked up at me and sank the knife into the seats padding all the way to the handle. I probably should have asked him before just inviting someone on his trip. I mean, my coming along made sense, but Homie was just a random guy I thought was hot.

“Oh, that sounds cool, how are you traveling? I have a car,” Homie said and all regret vanished, Cal even sat up and let the knife rest in the padding.

“You do? Oh thank god, we’ve been hopping busses for _forever,_ ” I said, Cal rolled his eyes.

“ _One_ bus,” he muttered under his breath. I ignored him.

“Well, I have a car, and nothing better to do,” Homie said, I grinned.


	5. Finding Out How Little Respect Gunmen Have For Her Sexlife

**Turns out riding in a car with Cal was almost as annoying as riding the bus with him.** I guess I should’ve seen that coming. 

Aatami had a nice car, a cherry red Chevelle with a black racing stripe running down the middle of the hood. The inside was all black leather, and I confiscated all of Cal’s stolen knives so he wouldn’t make a destructive repeat of the restaurant booths.

I was leaning back in shotgun, Aatami was driving, and Cal was sprawled out dejectedly in the back seat. I could feel him glaring holes in the back of my head. I’m not sure if he was more mad about me forcing him into the back seat, or the excessive amount of flirting I was doing. It was probably both.

“So Aatami, where are you from? Cal’s from Washington and I’m from Portland,” I said, Aatami nodded. He turned out to be actually really nice, which was surprising considering his entrance. He had that kind of ‘dad friend’ energy that reminded me of the real estate agent skit John Mulaney did. And, he was trying wholeheartedly to get along with Cal, who, being the asshole he is, wasn’t picking up on it apparently.

I wondered what that was about, Cal had warmed up to me pretty quickly. I mean, he was still an ass but he at least had held a conversation with me, which he wasn’t allowing Aatami. He just had pulled his phone out and was playing some game and ignoring both of us.

“Well, I’ve moved around a lot, but now I’m living with my Baba in Salem,” he said, I smiled. Cal even perked up.

“あなたは日本語を話せますか?” He said, I turned around on him with wide eyes, he ignored me and sat up to look at Aatami, who was blushing.

“祖母はそれがひどいと私に言う.” Aatami said back sheepishly, my eyes widened and Cal grinned. 

“Wait, what is that? What are you guys speaking?” I demanded, it sounded like something Uncle B had probably spoken, but I couldn’t tell what it was.

“It’s Japanese, my Baba speaks it.” Aatami explained, I narrowed my eyes at them.

“You guys aren’t going to talk shit about me, are you?” I asked, Cal grinned at me devilishly from the backseat and I glared at him. 

“So, Cal, who exactly is this love of your life we’re hunting down?” Aatami asked, changing the subject right before I could plot any more murder. Cal didn’t bother to look up from his phone and the smile dropped off his face.

“Mia,” he said simply.

“Yeah, she’s a cheerleader and they’re the next Romeo and Juliet,” I said, Cal rolled his eyes, still tapping something on the phone.

“Don’t Romeo and Juliet die?” Aatami asked, glancing between me and the road, I smiled brightly.

“Tragically,” I said. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so we’re heading to Del Norte, it’s the last place Mia’s dad was spotted,” I explained. Aatami nodded.

“Who’s Mia’s dad?” he asked, I glanced back at Cal who didn’t seem like he was going to say anything, so I just bulldozed ahead.

“This guy named Kevin Arthur,” I said, “According to Cal he’s a Grade A Cunt-bucket,” I said, I could see Cal trying to hide a smile in the back seat. It made me smile.

“Well, that’s nice. What happened? Did you guys breakup or something?” Aatami asked, Cal still didn’t make any effort to explain.

“Mia’s dad didn’t like them together, so they split,” I said, Aatami nodded and his eyes darted to Cal in the rearview mirror. We drove in silence for a while before Cal sighed and turned his phone off. He stuffed it in his pocket and sat up so he could lean forward into the front seat, poking his head between me and Aatami. 

“Are we stopping somewhere? I don’t want to choke on the sexual tension all night,” he said flatly. I blushed a little and punched him in the shoulder. Aatami’s hands got noticeably tighter around the wheel, and his cheeks flushed.

“Uh, I mean–yeah–yeah, whatever you guys want,” Homie said, he apparently couldn’t figure out how to sit still anymore. His shoulders bobbed while he talked, and Cal shot me a look.

_You’re seeing this right?_ I rolled my eyes and shoved him away so he couldn’t see the smile I was hiding.

“We could stop at a hotel, but I think we should get to Del Norte first and–” I tried to start. I already felt bad for trying to make this trip about me, and Cal only had six days to reunite and be with Mia. That was the best case too, because who knows how long it would take us to actually find her.

“And what? Look for Mia in the middle of the night? I think we should get to a hotel, sleep, then get up bright and early tomorrow morning. Five days is plenty of time,” Cal interrupted, he put a hand on my shoulder and looked around out the front window for a hotel.

We didn’t find a hotel until Eugene, I had a sneaking suspicion that was on purpose, since no one mentioned it until we were actually in Eugene. Cal had passed out in the back of the car, and I kept nodding off. Aatami and I chatted a bit and I learned that ‘Baba’ was what he called his grandmother. I also learned that he was single, then I reiterated that I was _also_ single. 

It was getting dark when we finally pulled into a hotel, which was weird since it wasn’t even five. Honestly, I was kind of glad that the world was ending in the wintertime. It was colder, crisper, and night came earlier so you could see the stars and the huge ass moon. Dad used to tell me these crazy stories about all the constellations. We used to go out onto our roof and just stare up until I fell asleep. Every time I’d wake up with a sore neck.

I rubbed my neck and blinked my way out of the memory, I hadn’t even realized I’d been looking up, but I spotted Orion without thinking. I shook my head and sucked in a breath as we all trudged in through the doors.

Cal was leaning against me with his head on my shoulder, his eyes weren’t even open, and I doubt he was even awake. Aatami held the door open for me, and I smiled sleepily at him as I passed through. 

Across the linen smelling lobby was a round reception desk. I could see the top of some lady’s hair up in a bun behind the counter. The entire room was cream colored, from the small leather lounge chairs to the tiling around the fireplace. It made the place feel kind of like a hospital, and without thinking, I clenched my hand tighter around Cal’s jacket. He mumbled something and patted my shoulder. I doubt he even realized what was happening, but it was surprisingly grounding. I looked down at my wrists, no bandages. I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything is fine. Fine. 

“Good afternoon! How can I help you?” the lady said, she sounded way too peppy, and I heard Cal growl into my shoulder. I think I was the only one who heard it though, it made me smile.

“Hi! Yeah, uh, we were hoping for a room? Just for tonight,” Aatami said with his own overly peppy smile. I don’t know why Cal and I were so exhausted, we’d been sleeping all day.

“Sure thing, do you have a room reserved?” the girl asked, she blasted us with a pearly white toothed smile. I glanced down at her nametag, _Tiffany._

“Oh, no, we’re just walk ins,” Aatami said, for a second I was afraid Tiff was going to kick us out, but she just typed something into the computer.

“Awesome, two beds? Futon? Do you just want a regular room or a suite?” Tiff asked, Cal answered before Aatami, he didn’t bother moving his head.

“Suite please, three–” Cal paused, glancing suggestively at Aatami and I, “wait no, _two_ king beds,” he said, I opened my mouth to argue about how much that was going to cost, but before I could say anything he pulled out his wallet and handed Tiff a credit card. 

“Perfect I’ll just need–Oh thank you, one moment…” she said running the credit card and checking things on the computer screen. She pulled up a screen that Cal tapped his pin into, he had to turn his head to see the screen.

“That’s a lot, Cal,” I whispered. He groaned, dropped his hand, and turned his head back so his forehead was on my shoulder.

“I’m not sleeping in a regular cramped stupid room. And I want a big bed, so you better fuck in the bathroom if you’re going to,” he whispered back. I rolled my eyes as the lady handed the card back to him. Her smiled had dropped and her eyes were wide.

“Oh... if I had known, Mr.–”

“Thanks,” Cal interrupted, shoving me and pulling Aatami away from the counter before the girl could say anything, Aatami snagged our room keys and flashed an apologetic smile at Tiff before letting Cal drag him away. We all stepped into the elevator.

“What was that about?” Aatami asked, pushing the button to our floor.

“Nothing, she probably got names mixed up,” Cal said, his voice was still muffled by my shoulder. I raised a brow.

“Really? She looked like she was about to get up and start bowing,” I said, “What do you have the presidents credit card or something?” Cal sighed and picked his head up off my shoulder so he could lean against the wall of the elevator and cross his arms. Aatami and I stood close together and watched him expectantly.

“What do you want me to say? I stole Bill Nye’s credit card?” he said. Aatami and I shared a look and smiled, the elevator dinged in the background and the door opened. Cal pushed past us and grumbled something. Aatami and I followed him out and down the hallway to our door. Room number 413. 

The room was big, almost as big as the first floor of my house, with two rooms separated by an open doorway and a wall. Through the doorway I could see an identical room with a bed up against the right wall and a tv facing it on the left wall. The only real difference between the two cream colored rooms was the door by the tv leading away to a small bathroom in the far room, and the tiny kitchenette right by the doorway into the hotel room. 

Cal instantly made his way over to the bed on the far side of the room and flopped down. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and set it on the counter of the kitchenette with Uncle B’s hoodie.

“Dibs,” he said into the comforter. His hoodie sleeves had ridden up and I could see a few of the circular scars that dotted up his arms. I decided not to say anything. I didn’t get the chance anyways, because Cal sat up and fixed his sleeves. I glanced over to Aatami, he’d noticed the marks too. I could tell by the concerned look he was wearing, and I spoke up before he could mention them or say something grossly heroic like ‘I’ll take the couch.’

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” I said. Aatami pulled his eyes from Cal and looked like he was going to argue, but I held up a hand. “Nope, there’s no arguing this one. You drove us all the way here, so you deserve the bed,” I crossed my arms defiantly and Aatami closed his mouth, flexing his granite cut jaw, but he looked like he still wanted to fight. 

“Aww, you guys aren’t going to share the bed?” Cal said, faking disappointment. I glared at him around my blush. He just grinned devilishly at me from where he was leaning back on his elbows. “Actually, don’t answer that–” he said, standing up quickly and moving to the door, “I’m going to leave the room for some…. _Ice_ , I’ll be back with some ice in like... an hour.” He said, slipping out the door before we could argue, he smirked and winked between Aatami and me. “Don’t have too much fun while I’m gone,” he called, closing the door and leaving the two of us in quiet. 

I bit my tongue and glanced over at Aatami. I didn’t know why Cal was being Mr. Matchmaker all of a sudden. I _had_ made fun of him and his ohe-gooey-goo-goo eyes every time I brought up Mia. I guessed this was revenge? I didn’t think I should have been complaining.

“So, Homie, how’s living in Salem?” I asked, I couldn’t think of anything better to say. I started fidgeting with my sleeves and trying to look at anything other than Homie.

“It’s good. Pretty quiet, and everyone knows just about everything about you. Gossip goes so fast” he said, mercifully picking up my awkward attempt at a conversation. I nodded knowingly and sucked in a breath as I came to settle down about an arms length away from where he was sitting on the bed Cal hadn’t claimed. 

“I feel that. Portland’s basically the same, everyone going–” I scrunched up my face mockingly, “ _‘oh, I remember when you were_ this _small, you’re so big now’_ ” Aatami laughed and I smiled. I scooted closer, his laughter was making me feel brave.

I don’t know why I was suddenly so anxious. I’ve done this before, parties and seven minutes in heaven sessions. I’d never had a real partner though. Partner sounded really mature, but I didn’t know what other word to use, and saying boyfriend or girlfriend was just long winded. Plus, I shouldn’t even be worried, the world was ending, and then I wouldn’t care what Aatami Home thought of me, because I’d be dead. 

This thought helped a little, and I leaned in closer. Aatami raised a brow and mimicked me so that we were barely a breath apart.

“So, how’ve you liked the trip so far?” I asked quietly. I’d read somewhere that when we’re attracted to someone we lower our voices subconsciously. I realized now that, at least for me, it was true.

“It’s been good. I like the company,” Aatami said, he was using a lower voice too I noticed, it made a smile tug on my lips. The movement caught Aatami’s attention and he glanced down at my smirk.

“Oh yeah? Even Cal and I’s incessant bickering?” I asked, he smiled, not taking his eyes off my smirk. 

“I love a girl who can bicker,” he said, I smiled wider.

“Mm, I love a guy who can subtly flirt,” he smiled.

“This is subtle?” he asked with a quirked brow, “Then I guess it would be too forward to just ask if I can–”

The door burst open and interrupted our close conversation. Aatami and I snapped our heads around in time to see Cal rush through the door before slamming it shut and locking every lock on it. He flipped around and barely gave himself a moment to breath before rushing across the room to us. 


	6. Diving Into Insanity

**“Gunmen, hotel, hold up, hide,”** Cal managed around his heavy breaths. I furrowed my brow, but he said nothing else, instead dragging Aatami and I into the bathroom and shoving us onto the floor despite our flurry of protests. Cal was in the middle, with Aatami pressed against the wall under the sink, and I was closest to the door, which Cal was leaning over me to peek out.

“Cal, what the hell is going on?” I demanded, but he just shushed me.

“Keep your voice down, I didn’t run up four flights of stairs... just for you to get us caught... because you’re loud,” he hissed, I glared at him. He took a minute to catch his breath, then continued. “I was downstairs getting coffee when this group of guys busted in. They were wearing masks and had guns. I booked it, but I heard them demanding the cash from the front desk,” he explained quickly, his voice hushed. 

“Do you think they’re going to try and come up for us?” Aatami asked, his jaw was clenched with determination or anxiety–I couldn’t tell which though. Probably both. Cal shrugged, still watching the door over my head.

“I don’t know, but I don’t feel like risking it,” he said back. I swallowed and tried not to think about the floor we were laying on. It didn’t work. The amount of shit that had probably gone down on here was making my stomach turn. The thought of how much naked stranger ass I was probably lying on was not helping me calm my thoughts. 

“How many?”

“I think six.”

Luckily, I was snapped out of that train of thought as gunfire rang out below us. We all tensed as the elevator dinged at the end of the hall. Cal was down with Aatami and I in a second, and we all pressed closer to the ass stained floor. I hesitated, and Cal shoved me down. Someone pounded on our door.

“OUT! EVERYONE OUT!” a masculine sounding voice shouted. When we didn’t answer, he pounded on the door some more. 

“WE HAVE GUNS AND WILL START SHOOTING IF YOU DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR!” another voice said. This one sounded male again, and thickly accented with something I didn’t recognize.

“ _Shit,_ ” Cal cursed from beside us.

“LAST CHANCE!” called the first voice. We all stared at the wall separating us from the door the gunmen were pounding on with fear in our eyes. None of us dared to move. Every muscle in me was tensed to run, Cal and Aatami were like boards beside me. I wasn’t afraid of dying, but–I realized suddenly–I was terrified of watching Cal and Aatami die. My breath was gone and the floor felt like it was swept out from under me as my stomach bottomed out. The images of Aatami and Cal lying on the ground filled with bullet holes and bleeding out made me want to throw up. My heart started to pound and I had to grab Cal to stop myself from jumping up into the main room and just let the gunmen gun me down. 

Before I could, though, the gunmen let loose a flurry of bullets. The noise was unimaginably loud, and I threw my hands up to cover my ears and try to block out the thundering sound of bullets tearing through furniture and walls. Cal and Aatami pressed farther back and closer together, and Cal dragged me back with them. We all pressed into the floor like we could meld with it.

My ears were ringing and it took me a second to realize that the gunmen had stopped firing. Everything sounded muffled, like someone had shoved bees into my ears. Cal was saying something, but I didn’t hear him. I vaguely noticed that the gunmen were trying to break down the door. There was glass all over us from the shattered mirror and I think a piece of the porcelain toilet had hit my arm.

Without even realizing it, I was standing up, Cal yelled something at me but I ignored him. I think I yelled something about the window, but I might have just thought it as I grabbed a chair and threw it as hard as I could out the nearly shattered window. The glass fell away, and I didn’t spare a look back to Cal and Aatami before I dove out the window.


	7. She's Wet and Learning The Truth

**Chlorine filled my nose and mouth and burned my eyes as I hit water.** I sucked in a breath without thinking and my throat burned with the water. I choked and tried to find the surface. I could just die here, just stop fighting for air and let the water fill my lungs and choke the life out of me. Then I’d never have to see Cal and Aatami’s lifeless bodies.

But I wasn’t going to kill myself in water. I couldn’t. It would shit on my father’s memory in the same way that killing myself at night would. I couldn’t kill myself in something he’d loved, and the thought of that was enough to push me to find the surface.

Suddenly I realized just how difficult that was, and I felt bad for ever making fun of people in tv shows who couldn’t find the surface of the water. I swam and swam, my lungs burning for air, and I hit my head on the bottom. I flipped and kicked off, trying to reach the surface, opening my eyes did nothing to help me because it was so dark, and I hit another bottom of the pool. _Wait._ I’ve been hitting the sides. I followed the wall I’d hit until I finally broke the surface. 

I sucked in greedy gulps of air and dragged myself out to the side of the pool. I didn’t give myself time to rest, instead rushing over to the bushes along the side of the building where I threw up everything that was in my stomach. By the time I was done, my breaths were ragged and I was shaking badly, my ears were still ringing and I think my nose was bleeding, my shoulder ached from where the toilet had hit it and I could hear muffled shouts from four stories up where our shattered window was. I glanced up at it and tried to make out the shouts.

“No!” 

“Move!”

“STOP!”

A gunshot went off, I heard Aatami roar in pain and Cal scream a curse.

“YOU FUC–” he started to yell, but something cut him off.

“I SAID _MOVE!_ ” the gunman snapped, and then everything went quiet, the lights went out. My chest ached, and I couldn’t tell if it was from diving out a fourth story window or the fear of what had happened to Cal and Aatami.

I tried to calm my short ragged breaths, my lungs were still burning and my throat wasn’t much better. I could feel tears burning my eyes and my gut was on fire with guilt.

_Why weren’t you more clear? Why didn’t you tell them what you were doing?_

_Because you didn’t know there was a pool below._

The realization cut off almost every burning sensation I had, it chilled me and I shook more violently. I squeezed my knees against my chest and held my breath. I still had to slap a hand over my mouth to stifle a sob.

_You’re just a coward. You didn’t know there was a pool, you just wanted to leave before you watched your friends die. Why do you deserve friends? You ditched them the first chance you got. Because you’re afraid._

The feeling of my lungs begging for air brought me back from the edge for a moment, my ears burned again and they felt plugged with cotton balls. I couldn’t tell if it was a lasting effect of the gunfire or because of the panic attack. My heart was pounding and I felt every beat against my temples as blood rushed through my head. I rocked back and forth on my heels and desperately tried to collect myself.

_No, no no no, no, this is fine. I’m fine. I got out and Cal and Aatami are fine. It’s fine, its fine, its fine._

_You know its not, Aatami got shot, he’s probably up in the room bleeding to death, because of you. Because you’re a coward._

I swallowed another sob and wiped my eyes viciously, like I could wipe away the thoughts. It didn’t work, and the tears kept coming. I finally was forced to gasp for air as black spots started filling my vision. Chlorine water and salty tears and blood dripped into my mouth as I gasped and I choked again on the taste of my own bile. I leaned over and threw up again, but there wasn’t anything left in my stomach, and I just choked and dry heaved for what felt like forever.

I sat back after I stopped and pressed my hand against my mouth to muffle another sob. I pinched my nose with my finger and held my breath until my tears stopped coming. My lungs burned and I drew in a shaky breath and let my hand drop down slowly. Chlorine and blood stuck my clothes to my skin and the cool air of the night was making goosebumps rise all over my skin. I shivered again, then glanced up at the hotel. Most of the lights were on, though ours was out, and I noticed some on the first floors out. As I watched, another rooms light went out.

“They’re marking,” I murmured out loud. Hearing my own voice was shocking enough to get me to my feet. I rocked for a moment and leaned against the wall for support. I looked back up at the building. “ _Not the time for a mental breakdown Ash, calm the fuck down,_ ” I whispered to myself, I pinched my arm and slapped my cheeks. 

There were five rooms that were dark including ours, that’s at least four people including Cal and Aatami that were being held hostage. There had been at least two gunmen at our door, Cal said he only saw six gunmen. The guns they’d used on us had definitely been automatic.

I weighed my odds. Me, a teenager with no hesitation to die, unarmed and alone, vs six gunmen with automatic weapons and no hesitation to kill. Yeah, that sounded like a recipe for disaster. But it didn’t matter, I owed this to Cal and Aatami. I was going to get them out or die trying. 

I clenched my fists and sucked in the first breath that didn’t rattle my lungs. I swallowed and started making my way across the pool. I reached into my pocket as I walked and tried to find my phone. Luckily–I guess–it wasn’t there. I racked my brain and remembered setting it on the counter back in the hotel room with Uncle B’s hoodie. Fuck. I glanced back up at the building. Another room had gone dark, _six_ , but everything had been quiet. I chewed on my tongue and paused.

I was dripping wet, and my face and the entire front of my shirt was covered in blood. I was suddenly really glad I’d taken off Uncle B’s hoodie. My hands were still shaking and my arms were tingling from the cold. I clenched my fists tighter to stop the shaking and decided it would be best to get back to the hotel room and get my phone to call the police. 

Just then, I heard sirens and saw the sweeping red and blue lights of a squad car as it pulled into the parking lot in front of the hotel. Relief flooded through me and I started forward, but a sting in my leg made me hesitate. I glanced down and noticed a long, luckily shallow gash on my thigh. It stung like a bitch, now that I’d realized it, but it didn’t look like it was bleeding too much. I ignored it and kept moving forward as the cops pulled to a stop and got out of the car. They were chatting and as I got closer I started to pick up parts of the conversation.

“...yeah, yeah I know, you already told me the plan, Rich,” said the first cop.

“I’m just makin’ sure, don’t want ya gettin’ all heroic or none,” Rich said. I slowed a little.

“I’m not going to! I need the money, I’m hoping I can get my family into one of those shelters” he said, and panic grabbed my gut in an icy vice grip. I froze.

“Oh yeah? Naw, Imma blow my wads on some whores and go out with a bang,” Rich said, humping the air to emphasize his point. The first cop laughed and Rich grinned grossly at him over the car. I ducked behind a corner of the building. 

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck fuck. Fuckkkkk._

The cops were in on the stupid hold up. I swallowed my disgust and instead looked around, there was a window completely busted open, so I made my way over to it. I climbed into the hotel, careful not to cut myself on the glass again, and looked around. The room looked about as destroyed and bullet strewn as ours, except this room only had one bed.

The door to the hallway was closed, and I made my way over, quietly picking my way around broken furniture and shards of glass. I pulled the door open and slipped out, making sure to close it behind me. I rushed up the stairs to our room. Luckily my hotel keycard was still in my pocket, so with one or two quick swipes, the light flashed green and I slipped into our room.

Seeing it made my gut sink. The window was shattered, and there was blood on one of the shards. That was probably from my gash. My eyes caught sight of more blood pooled on the floor just outside the bathroom. It stained the carpet and dripped out the door, leading me down the hall. They’d taken the elevator, so thankfully I didn’t have to follow it all the way up the stairs. I swallowed and pretended I didn’t see it, instead grabbing my phone off the kitchenette. I swiped Cal’s phone too while I was here, those were the only things that even proved we’d been here. Well, and the imprint of us on the bed, and the blood. I turned away and started down the stairs again.

I stopped at a gift shop and stole a dry t-shirt, a pair of leggings, and a fanny pack which I jammed all of our stuff into. I swiped some headphones too, and left my wet shoes hiding behind the register. Now that I was properly Bruce Willis barefoot, the adventure could start. I had always wanted to live out Die Hard, though, Christmas was a ways out. Oh well, I wasn’t going to live to see it anyways. And this really was the best time to start checking stuff off my bucket list.

There was a mirror on the end of one of the racks of _‘I <3 Oregon’_ shirts, and I froze in front of it. I looked really fucking stupid. My usually frizzy short curls were now dampened and sticking to my neck. My haircut stopped just after my ears. When it was longer, Uncle B used to braid long twists into it. I chopped them off after my mom told me they looked pretty. My nose still had some dried blood left on it, and I wiped at it idly, my own amber eyes watching me. 

The shirt was a whole size too big, and it was haphazardly tucked into the fanny pack around my waist. That combined with Uncle B’s too big hoodie made me look annoyingly small. I had a makeshift bandage made up of a huge pink bandana wrapped around my leg over the gash. There was blood already darkening the black fabric of the tights. I looked at myself, and let my eyes fall onto the long lines on the insides of my wrists. The pale skin of the jagged scars stood out too well against my dark skin. I tore my eyes away from them before I could get sucked back into the memory of that night. Instead, I grabbed a headband and pushed my hair back as I left the gift shop and pretended the mirror hadn’t existed.

I could hear the gunmen before I saw anything, they were barking orders and silencing the terrified hostages. I felt a prick of guilt for making light of this situation as I listened to a woman beg for her life. I also couldn’t figure out why she was begging. I mean, the world was ending anyways.

“Hey! I said two feet apart!” one of the gunmen barked, he sounded like the second goon who’d shot up our room. I wondered if it was racist to hope he was german. But come on, what’s a girl gotta do to get some Hans Gruber or at least one McClane. I need me a Nazi villain.

“Fuck _off_ , he needs to keep pressure!” Cal snapped back, I reached the corner and peeked around into the lobby. Cal and Aatami were on the far side of the room, Aatami leaned up against the reception desk and Cal was holding down his leg shooting a glare at the goons. People–seven of them–were strewn around the room, sitting on the floor with tears running down their faces. Goons were peppered between them all, holding their huge guns and glaring at anyone who moved.

“I _said_ two feet apart!” the goon snapped. I tensed, and suddenly had a very convincing urge to rip off his head as he grabbed Cal by the back of his collar and hauled him off Aatami. Cal scratched and fought until the goon dropped him, and then he scrambled back to Aatami. 

“I _don’t_ care! You shot him in the leg, what do you expect me to do? Let him bleed out? Fuck you!” Cal growled back, and I smiled, despite the situation. Until the goon shoved his huge gun in Cal’s face.

“Wait,” Another one of the black clothed gunmen called. He was wearing a matching black ski mask, and he picked his way through the rows of people until he was standing in front of Cal–who was frozen. The second goon shoved the first away and pulled Cal up by his neck, then turned his face from side to side before laughing. My gut curdled with dread, and I memorized his voice so I could be sure to rip out his spine later. 

“Oooh, oh we lucked out, everyone else can go,” the goon said, he didn’t have an accent but I decided to call him Hans anyways. When no one moved he peeled his eyes from Cal and shot the ceiling. “I SAID EVERYONE _OUT!_ ” he yelled, and all the hostages jumped up and sprinted out of the building. 

“Charlie, Bravo, you two drag him out. Echo, get me some zip ties,” he shot orders almost as fast as he shot bullets, and the other goons instantly started moving as Hans turned back to Cal. He looked pale, but he was doing a good job of pretending to be brave. He had his hands wrapped around Hans’ arm like he wanted to pull it off of him. Except that Hans’ gun was jammed into his gut. Two of the other goons–Charlie and Bravo–grabbed a barely resisting Aatami by the arms and started dragging him out. 

“Don’t fucking… don’t you… don’t…” he tried to threaten but his words slurred together, his eyelids drooping. One of the goons dropped his gun to get a proper grip on Aatami as he was roughly torn from the room. I glanced back at Cal. He looked relieved that Aatami was getting out, and he’d managed to collect himself, so now instead of pissing himself, he just looked pissed. Then I realized he was looking directly at me. I winked at him, and it looked like he was going to snap at me, but Hans looked over his shoulder and I barely had time to duck behind the corner again before he spotted me.

“Something more interesting than me Mr. Mioka?” 


	8. Making Bruce Proud

**“Mr. Mioka?”** My smiled dropped and I froze, pressed against the wall and straining to hear everything happening on the other side of the wall. _Mr. Mioka? That had to be a mistake._

“You’ve got the wrong guy,” Cal managed to choke out. His voice sounded constricted with Hans’ hand wrapped around his throat. 

“No, no, I’m pretty sure, unless you’re saying that you aren’t Calia Mioka, the newly adopted heir of the famed Ana Mioka,” Hans said. My stomach dropped and I really hoped Cal wasn’t lying. If he wasn’t that meant that this whole time I’d been traveling with Calia _Mioka_. Son of the richest family this side of the states and son of Ana Mioka. Ana freaking Mioka. She was the closest thing to a saint we’ve had in America in decades. Responsible for making ASL a required language in schools and funding countless charity projects with the funds she makes from the clean fuel alternative that _she_ invented and developed. It’s revolutionizing the machine industry. Well, _was_.

“Nope, you’ve got the wrong guy,” Cal said again.

“You’re really not fooling anyone,” Hans said, anger creeping into his voice.

“I’m not trying to, you’ve just got the wrong guy.”

“You look exactly like him.” 

“I get that a lot.”

“So you’re saying if I don’t reach into your pocket and pull out your wallet–”

“No, no I wouldn’t do that.”

“Why?” 

“I... don’t even have my wallet on me.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah–hey, hey hey hey, no don’t do that–fuck,” I made a mental note to punch Cal in his stupid rich boy face. 

“So you just happen to look like Calia Mioka _and_ have his wallet?” Hans said, I poked my head back around the corner in time to see Cal shrug. Hans scowled and tossed Cal into the other three goons that had been waiting for Hans to stop bickering. One of them was holding zip ties, and they pulled Cal’s arms behind his back and tightened them around his wrists. I clenched my jaw and gripped the corner so I didn’t charge out and blow my cover just to punch fuckface in his fucking face.

“Take him to the back room, I think it’s about time we called mommy and daddy, don’t you think?” Hans asked. Cal glared at him, shooting me a piece of the glare as they dragged him away. I couldn’t bring myself to smile this time, and waited until they’d all disappeared into the back room before sprinting across the lobby.

I grabbed the gun that one of the guards had dropped and went to stand beside the door they’d taken Cal through. I realized that I didn’t really have a plan. I could charge in and just start shooting everyone up. But I’d never shot a gun before and I didn’t know if I was any good at aiming. My dad had been pretty specific about the whole _‘if you’re never going to use a gun, why would you need to know how to shoot one?’_ thing. Which I was now realizing was kind of BS. Though, calling anything involving my dad _‘BS’_ made my stomach curdle with guilt. 

“So, Calia, who do you think will pick up faster? Mom or Dad?” Hans asked, a growl in his voice. I heard Cal spit and Hans muttered something under his breath. I grinned, but all humor dropped out of my toes when I heard Hans punch Cal. 

“Fuck man, that’s a little extra,” Cal said, this time when he spit I was pretty sure it was just to clear blood out of his mouth. But he sounded so nonchalant I wondered if he’d even been the one to get hit.

“Last chance to pick, Mioka,” Hans warned, Cal only laughed.

“Listen, you guys are making a big mistake, the Mioka’s won’t give you any money, they’ll just call the feds or SWAT,” he said. When Hans said nothing Cal hissed something I didn’t hear. Whatever it was it made Hans burst out laughing.

“ _You?_ You know Rose-Count?” Hans asked, still choking on laughter. I blinked, trying to process what Cal must have said.

He had to be bluffing about this one. First he lies about being one of the richest kids in America, and now he’s saying he’s got ties to the biggest crime boss in California _and_ Nevada? There was no way. Besides, how could Cal have even come in contact with someone like Rose-Count? He had been in the foster system, according to the news articles I’d skimmed about the new Mioka heir. I racked my brain to remember the details, something about Ana and Kennedy Mioka adopting him, something else about his troubled past. Cal was starting to make more sense now that I knew who he was. I still didn’t understand how he could possibly know _Rose-Count,_ though. 

Rose-Count had taken control of almost all crime in Cali and Nevada. You needed a hitman? You go to him. You need a crew? Him. You need money? Him. Out of the country? In? Him. But no one actually _knew_ who he was, just the name and most of his more terrifying men. You didn’t see Rose-Count and live to tell the story. He was known for being vicious and merciless, I’ve read countless articles about supposed Rose-Count killings that no one could pin on him. Usually it was because no one found anything more than the jaw. That way the cops could identify the victim with dental records, but no one had ever found any other parts of any of the victims. 

“It’s true,” Cal said, and I could hear him grinning. Good, that meant he had to be bluffing. _Right?_

“You seem pretty sure about this,” Hans said, uncertainty clear in his voice. Cal didn’t answer him. “Well, I just happen to know Rose-Count myself, so let’s just clear up this little discrepancy–” Hans said, and I heard a phone start dialing.

“Wait–wait no you don’t want to do this–” Cal said, speaking so fast it was hard to decipher what he was saying, all of his usual cockiness had left him. I tightened my grip on the gun. Guess I was going to have to use it anyways, and hope that I could aim. Cal was a dumbass who threw the wrong name around and now he was going to make me probably shoot him by accident. I sucked in a breath and got ready to jump up and bust into the room before anything happened.

“Hello?” A voice said, cutting off my thoughts. The voice was slightly muffled, and I assumed it was coming from over the phone. Except, it didn’t sound like a majorly murderous crime lord.

“It’s Robert,” Hans said, and I scrunched up my face. _What kind of name was Robert? That’s not even evil sounding at all._

“Oh! Fisk, I’m glad you called! I was meaning to check up on your little mission, everything going well?” Rose-Count asked casually. My blood froze at hearing the name ‘Fisk.’ I’d read it in the news countless times. Robert Fisk was Rose-Counts right hand man, he’d been caught and stuffed in jail twenty-four times, escaping every time and leaving a literal trail of bodies behind him. “In fact, you should be in the middle of it now… something come up?” Rose-Count asked slowly. 

“Yeah, actually, I was just wanting to clear something up–you wouldn’t happen to know a Mr. Mioka? Calia Mioka?” Hans-Fisk said. I held my breath and got ready to bust down the door, but then my stomach dropped as I listened to what Rose-Count said.

“Oh, oh Cal? Yes, yes I know him. In fact, I’d even consider him close family. He wouldn’t happen to be there would he?” My jaw went slack and my eyes widened.

“Uh, well, yes–yeah did you want to speak?” Hans-Fisk asked, trying and failing to keep the surprise out of his voice.

“Yes, thank you. It’s been far too long,” Rose-Count said. There was a sound like someone was prompting Cal to speak with a kick. 

“Fuck you, you cunt-fuck,” Cal swore into the phone. I raised a brow and Rose-Count laughed.

“So nice to hear from you, Cal. It’s been far too long. I was beginning to think you’d run off,” Rose-Count said, but he continued before Cal could say anything. “But I know you wouldn’t do anything like that to your precious _Mia_ , now would you?” He asked mockingly, clearly trying to get a rise out of Cal. It worked.

“Fuck you,” was all Cal managed. I didn’t think it was physically possibly for any more curveballs to get thrown at me. Not only was Cal connected to the biggest crime lord this side of the states, but his girlfriend was too? _And_ Cal was a Mioka. I had to grab my chin and close it manually to stop it from sweeping the floor.

“Oh, don’t be like that. You know, Mia misses you _so_ much. I tried to make–” the front doors of the hotel opened and cut off whatever Rose-Count was saying. I hissed quietly and scrambled behind the reception desk to hide as the two other goons made their way into the building. 

“Did you see their faces?”

“They totally thought they were getting rescued,” they chatted and laughed as they made their way to the door where Cal was. 

“Hey, I swear I left my gun here,” one of them said pausing for a moment to look around the empty lobby. I hugged the gun I was holding closer to me and prayed that he didn’t start poking around. All it would take for me to get found out was one of them to peek under the desk.

“Someone probably grabbed it, let’s go,” the second good said impatiently. I watched their legs as they both made their way into the room. As they opened the door, I caught another snippet of Cal’s conversation. It didn’t sound like it was going well.

I counted to ten after they left, then slowly crawled out from under the desk and booked it cross the lobby. I needed to gather myself again, maybe find a map, then I could decide what I wanted to do. Turns out it was a good thing I ran, because as soon as I’d cleared and the lobby one of the goons left the room to stand guard and grumble about his new position. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I almost screamed. I pulled it out and retreated farther back into the hallway. A number I didn’t recognize was calling, I hung up. The number called again before I could even put the phone back into my fanny pack. I glared at it and hung up again. They called again, and this time I picked it up.

“Listen dumbass now’s not the time,” I hissed as loud as I dared.

“Ash?” Asked a familiar voice, I blinked.

“Aatami?” I asked, I could hear the phone move like he was nodding. Dumbass. “Are you ok? I saw them drag you out and I–”

“I’m fine, are you ok?” He asked, I rolled my eyes.

“You got shot are _you_ ok?”

“You jumped out of a fourth story window, are _you_ ok?” Aatami asked, I opened my mouth to say something, and then paused. 

“You seem awfully clear headed for someone who got shot,” I said instead of answering him.

“I could say the same to you, especially since you don’t have painkillers to use as an excuse,” he said. 

“I don’t have time for this, Cal needs help,” I said, still trying hard to avoid his question. It was weird, he was being so stubborn about asking if I was ok. Uncle B usually gave up after the first ask, he knew I’d either tell him right off or else I wasn’t going to tell him anything. Aatami didn’t seem to care if I didn’t want to answer him. I couldn’t tell if I liked that.

“I know, I saw,” Aatami said, he sounded like he wanted to pester me more but Cal’s situation seemed to shut him up. I was glad, I didn’t need his pity right now. I didn’t need anyone’s pity _ever_. 

“No, they’ve got Rose-Count on the phone,” I said, Aatami swore quietly on the other end of the phone.

“I saw what the conversation wasn’t great but I couldn’t tell who he was talking with,” Aatami said, I furrowed my brow.

“What do you mean you saw? They didn’t call until after they dragged you out,” I said.

“Yeah, but I got ahold of a laptop and hacked into the surveillance system to try and track you down.”

I raised a brow and had to try really, _really_ , hard not to be turned on. 

“Oh,” I managed, clearing my throat and then wincing as I remembered my situation. 

“You’ve got one guy outside the door, and there’s five inside with Cal,” Aatami briefed me, I swallowed and told him to hang on a second. I took the phone away from my ear before he could say anything and pretended to be doing something with my earbuds to give myself some time to collect myself. I plugged my headphones in and stuck one in my ear.

“Ok, we have mission control,” I muttered to myself, Aatami laughed in my ear. Actually, ‘laughed’ was maybe a little too dignified a word. It was more of a giggle. A hysterical giggle. “You ok there?” I asked, Aatami shuffled on the other end of the phone like he was shaking his head.

“Yeah, yeah I’m great. I think there might have been a little more than painkillers in those pills,” he said, pitching his voice on the word ‘little.’ I got the idea there was most likely a lot more than a ‘little’ more than painkillers.

“Stick with me man,” I whispered.

“Hey, Cal’s not looking so good, the guy–”

“ _Fucking Hans,_ ” I cursed, maybe a little louder than I should have. Aatami swore in my ear.

“Incoming, the guy at the door heard you,” he hissed at me, I clenched my fists before hurrying to zip my phone into my fanny pack, the cord to the headphones wound up my shirt to my ear and I rushed deeper into the hallway. I started to run before skidding to a stop at a broom closet. I back tracked and opened the door to hide behind it. I held the gun out a little in front of me, butt pointed at the door.

“Ash, hide better, he’s coming around the corner,” Aatami hissed at me. I ignored him and listened to the footsteps of the goon coming my way. “He’s right in front of you, _run,_ ” Aatami was whispering in my ear like he was standing right next to me. Instead of listening I just stayed where I was, I watched until the footsteps stopped, and then a hand appeared on the door. I stayed perfectly still as the goon leaned into the broom closet and poked his head around, when he was satisfied, he started to close the door. At the last second, his eyes clashed with mine, and the door stilled. He blinked, and I grinned.

“Hey,” I said, slamming the butt of my gun as hard as I could into his nose. The goon made a startled noise and stumbled backwards, dropping his gun so he could hold his already bleeding nose. His eyes fluttered and before he could call out for help. I shoved him over and stomped on his head. He went limp and I held the gun up over him for a full ten seconds, ready to drop it on his face if he so much as twitched. Nothing happened, so I slowly lowered the gun to my side. 

“That was so hot,” Aatami’s voice said in my ear. I grinned and looked up to the security camera watching me in the corner of the room. I winked at it and heard Aatami swear in my ear.

I’d read somewhere that people usually only stay passed out for a couple of minutes, and I’d already lost one. I grabbed the goon’s gun and set it behind the door out of reach and sight, and then started dragging him into the broom closet. 

Dragging someone who was unconscious was a lot harder than people made it look on tv, and it took me a full two minutes of heavy breathing and attractive strained face to finally heave the guy out of the way of the door. I closed it and locked it, wiping off my hands. Thankfully, I’d gotten an idea while dragging the guy into the closet. 

“Aatami, do you have a radio on hand?” I whispered. Aatami didn’t answer for a long moment and for a second I was afraid he’d passed out.

“I do now, what do you need it for?” he asked, his words were sounding slurred and rough. I hoped it was just because of the extra-kick pain meds. 

“Can you get ahold of the gunmen?” I asked, “I need you to tell them that someone called the cops, and that more cops are on their way,” I said, I heard Aatami nod over the phone and rolled my eyes. The static of a radio cut over the phone, but it sounded far away, he’d probably set the phone down to make the call.

“This is an emergency line only,” I heard Hans growl over the radio. 

“We tried to keep the phones, but one of the hostages got ahold of one and called the cops, we’re about to have company,” Aatami said, the line was quiet, but I could hear Hans cursing from the room in the lobby. I made my way to the corner just before the lobby.

“You can’t cut them off?” Hans asked. 

“No, we tried,” Aatami said. More silence.

“Then get the fuck out of here, we’ll rendezvous later,” Hans said. A door opening snapped my attention back into the lobby, and I watched as four of the gunmen marched out the front doors. I furrowed my brow, but held my breath and stayed still until they’d all left the door. Then I sprinted across the lobby and threw open the door, pulling my gun up and got ready to open fire.

The room was empty, and I frowned, a little disappointed about the anticlimactic entrance, before remembering Cal and looking around the room frantically. There was a chair in the middle of the room that was knocked over, but other than that there was nothing to show that anyone had been back here besides the receptionist. Then I noticed the door on the back wall, cracked open. 

Without thinking, I shoved through it and almost fell out into the alleyway behind the hotel. It was pitch black except for the lights along the side of the hotel, thankfully they allowed me to see Hans. I tightened my grip on the gun as he dragged a struggling Cal. 

“ _Stop. Fighting._ ” He hissed through clenched teeth. Cal had tape over his mouth and his wrists were zip tied in front of him, I wondered how he’d managed that. He was pulling against Hans and kicking at his legs, Hans was still holding his gun, neither of them had noticed me. “ _I said–_ ” He pulled up the butt of the gun like he was going to hit Cal with it, and Cal flinched back. I pulled my own gun up to my shoulder and aimed it at Hans.

“Stop,” I growled, Hans and Cal both looked over at me, and I watched Cal glare at me, but his shoulders still sagged slightly with what looked like relief. Hans scowled at me through his mask and shoved Cal against the wall hard. “I told you to stop,” I said, I started walking towards Hans and Cal and didn’t stop until I was just out of arm's reach, Hans laughed. 

“Or you’ll what? Shoot me? I doubt you’ve ever shot a gun in your life, little girl,” Hans said, I grinned and hoped he couldn't see through my bluff.

“If you want to find out, you’ll keep holding my friend like that,” I said, my voice was low and dangerous sounding in my ears and I felt a thrill of adrenaline coursing through me. It made me shaky and I had to press the gun tighter against my shoulder so it wouldn’t show. I could see Hans grinning even through his mask.

“What? Like this?” He asked, and twisted his hand so that Cal’s wrists had to twist with it. Cal cursed around the tape and folded over his hands, he kicked his leg and landed a painful looking kick to Hans’ groin. I clenched my teeth and felt the kick of the gun before I realized I’d pulled the trigger.

Hans dropped his gun and Cal and fell to his knees so he could hold onto his thigh. Blood leaked from the bullet wound I’d created. A shiver went through me as I realized how lucky the shot had been. I hadn’t been aiming at all. Cal dropped to the ground and scooted away from Hans as fast as he could, I kicked the gun out of Hans’ reach and pointed the gun at his face. I heard Cal rip the tape off his face but I didn’t dare look away from Hans’ face. 

“You fucking brat!” He hissed at me, still holding his leg.

“I warned you,” I said quietly, “and that’s for Aatami, you asshole,” I added. I risked a glance at Cal. He looked shaken up, but otherwise mostly ok. He was still cradling his bound wrists and I could see a bruise starting on his cheekbone. My hands tightened on the gun, and I looked down at Hans. He was looking at me funny, like he was trying to place something.

“What’s your name?” he asked calmly. I knew it was a trap, but I couldn’t help it.

“Ashleigh Jeffers. Remember that next time you try to mess with someone I like,” I hissed. He grinned wider and something in his eyes shone as he cackled.

“Oh, you really do look like him,” he said, which made me furrow my brow. I looked over to Cal, trying to see if he’d gotten the line any more than I had. From the confused look on his face I guessed he hadn’t.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, and Hans ignored me, he leaned back and tilted his head up to laugh at the sky. 

“Oh that’s perfect, you didn’t even have to meet him and you’re so much alike,” he cackled. I thought about shooting him again, but I didn’t want to risk missing and blowing my facade. Then suddenly Hans stopped laughing, the ugly grin stayed plastered on his face. “Oh wait, _Mia_ — I know that name,” Hans whispered, my eyes snapped to Cal, who had gone so tense I could feel it. “Rose-Count’s little _whore,_ ” he said. I felt my blood rush up in my ears. Hans turned back towards Cal, who was frozen. I could taste the murder in his eyes. Any bits of fear I’d seen in him before had dried up. He looked deadly calm, but I could see the anger burning in every fiber of his being.

“You ever wondered what Mia’s been up to since you left, Calia?” He taunted, Cal was up in a fraction of a second and he charged at Hans. I barely had time to process what was happening, and I threw myself between them before Cal could hurt himself anymore by attacking Hans. Cal fought against me and I shoved him off.

“Back off Cal _,_ ” I hissed, Cal’s jaw was clenched I could hear his teeth grinding.

“Don’t you say another–”

“Another what? Fact? Rose-Count’s been selling your little lover out for side cash. You’re lucky you got it for free. Everyone else has to pay top dollar for that pretty thing,” Hans growled, bile rose up in my throat and I wrapped my hand around Cal’s arm and squeezed to stop myself from blowing Hans’ head off right there. “Mia, Mia, Mia, is that what you called Mika? You know what–”

The butt of my gun cut Hans off before he could finish whatever he was saying. He folded over and clenched his nose, growling in pain. I didn’t hesitate, and slammed the gun over the back of his head. He dropped to his side and went limp. I still kicked him as hard as I could in the ribs, just to be sure. 

Cal had gone still, just staring at Hans’ limp, bleeding body. I grabbed his arm again and started dragging him away, tossing the gun off to the side as we left the alley.

“Aatami, we’re gonna need the car,” I said, knowing Aatami was in my ear listening to the whole thing. 

Uh, yeah— _yeah_ give me like a minute,” Aatami said, his voice sounded weak in my ears and I hung up the phone and pulled the earbud out of my ear. I didn’t stop dragging Cal until we were by the pool, in view of the parking lot so Aatami could find us and out of the way of the main doors to the hotel so no one else would see us. Then I turned on Cal and grabbed both his arms and shook him. He barely reacted.

“Cal, _Cal, Cal._ ” I hissed, finally he drug his gaze up from the ground he was staring at. His eyes were so dark I almost hesitated. “Don’t listen to him, he probably doesn’t even know what he’s talking about,” I said, Cal’s jaw flexed.

“He was telling the truth. He knows Rose-Count, and Mia,” he said, his voice deadly quiet, and I suddenly felt a wave of guilt for making any of this situation light. 

“It doesn’t matter, we’re going to find her, we’re going to get her, it’ll all be fine,” I said, he sucked in a shaky breath.

“It doesn’t _matter?_ ” He snapped “Of course it matters Ash,” his voice raising, “if I hadn’t been an _idiot,_ if I just would have listened, then none of this would have happened,” he shouted. I glanced around and then shook him again, staring into his eyes and refusing to back down.

“This isn’t your fault, not in any world,” I said, Cal dropped his gaze to the ground and his face fell with it, I watched as all the anger drained out of him. He suddenly looked so tired. He leaned in and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him so tightly that my fingers started to ache around his arms. 

“He warned me. He told me this was going to happen,” Cal whispered into my shoulder. I swallowed and let myself feel all of the rage I had for Rose-Count. Then I shoved it all into a box and duct taped a lid on it and wrote _‘For Cunt-Fuck’_ on it with sharpie. I promised myself, and Cal, that I would unpack that box the next time I saw Rose-Count, and that I would not let myself be merciful. Somehow, I held Cal tighter.

“It doesn’t matter if Rose-Count warned you, this wasn’t your fault. You were doing what you thought was best. Mia asked you to leave, so you did. Now you’re going back, and you and I are going to rescue Mia and you can kiss her and flip off Rose-Count as we leave. It’s going to be great, and I’ll snap a picture and we can light it on fire as we wait for the world to end and imagine Rose-Count burning to death, and then for the rest of eternity in some dank, dark place while we live it up and eat food wherever we’re going after death.

“You hear me Cal?” I asked. Cal nodded into my shoulder and I squeezed him again. Then Aatami’s car pulled up and I slowly let go of Cal. Aatami opened the door and limped over to us as fast as he could.

“Are you guys ok–? Stupid question, don’t answer that. I mean, what happened–? No wait, stupider question. Hey, Ash can you drive? I don’t think I can right now. Or should, oh my god you guys were both so badass. Wow my head's spinning, I’m going to go sit in the car now–” Aatami rambled as he patted both Cal and I down. “Are you guys ok? No wait, I already asked that, ok I’m going to lie down now,” Aatami said, grinning stupidly and letting out another deranged giggle. I nodded and took his keys from him. Cal’s breaths were sounding ragged.

“Aatami, lay down in the back seat, Cal you’re up front,” I ordered, “I’ll get the door,” I said, hurrying over and opening it before Cal reached it. Cal didn’t say anything but followed me, I glanced over at Aatami, who flashed me a weak thumbs up before he slipped into the backseat. When Cal was seated I closed the door and went around the car to the driver's seat. I turned the key in the ignition and shifted into second. Then I moved the seat forward because my short legs had nothing on Aatami’s, apparently. I pulled out of the hotel parking lot like godzilla was chasing us, and I didn’t let my foot off the gas until I spotted a hospital.


	9. thnx fr th mmrs

**“Ash, honey would you mind handing me that?”** I reached over, grabbing one of the cosmetic brushes from the counter and handing it over to my mother. I cranked some pepper into my cooking eggs and watched as they sizzled for a moment. 

“So, today I was going to go pick up your meds, and you won’t believe what happened–” Mom said, shooting off into a story about a man who stopped her in line. I barely looked up at her or listened, she was too busy adding a layer of power over her face to notice. She was always trying to make it look less hollow, and hide the jagged scar that ran down her cheek. 

Mom looked a lot like me. She had the same tight brown curls, but she kept hers longer and usually tied back. She was short, and skinny and even though she pretended to smile and fill in her cheeks she always looked hollow. There were vitiligo spots that were gathered around her mouth and nose and went down her neck. Usually, she didn’t try to cover it up. I think the makeup was irritating to the spots, but she was going out later today. She only covered it up when she had someone to impress, she thought she looked prettier with the spots covered. 

“ _Mmmm,_ ” I said weakly, letting the egg slide out of the pan and onto my plate. I pulled a fork out of the drawer and started eating. My limbs felt heavy, and I wasn’t even really hungry. I probably would have stayed in bed, except I knew that Uncle B was coming over soon, and if he found out I hadn’t eaten he probably would try and force feed me a cow. 

“Come on baby, chin up, lemme see those pretty honey eyes,” Mom said, I tore my eyes from the plate, but my mother was too busy looking at herself as she applied another layer of lipstick. She rarely ever looked at me, or made eye contact. Even Uncle B had been weird about it. Luckily he’d made an effort to stop. I don’t know what they saw when they looked at me, but whatever it was, they didn’t like it. 

“I’m serious love, you’ve got this, just keep it together ok? I know you’re missing school, homework’s gotta be piling up and Momma doesn’t need another hospital bill because you’re bored,” she said, giving a finishing smile to the hand held mirror before smiling at me, her eyes on my hairline. I felt as hollow as her cheeks.

“Sure thing, Mom,” I mumbled, eyes dropping back down to my eggs. She reached out her hand and stroked my cheek. 

“I love you, baby,” she said, but I couldn’t bring myself to meet her gaze. She pulled her hand back and stood up, slinging her purse over her shoulder. “Uncle B’s coming over, he said he doesn’t want you alone. I think that’s bull, a girl needs her space, so just go ahead and tell him if you want him out. Don’t worry I’ll back you up,” she said with a wink, coming around the counter and kissing my forehead. I nodded, trying not to think about the bandages around my forearms hiding under my sweater. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” mom called as she left, I heard the door close. As soon as it did I slouched more, and shoved my half eaten egg away. Uncle B could stuff his cow. I went over and grabbed the TV remote. Nothing but boring dramas, and eventually I decided to stop on Discovery channel. 

“...The asteroid will pass right by us, just barely grazing the moon actually, we’re pretty lucky,” some narrator said as a cartoon-y image of an asteroid bouncing off the moon was shown. “In just a few months, we’ll all have a pretty kickass near death experience,” the guy said, I pulled out my phone, readjusting my sleeves so they covered the bandages again. “Now, the moon might not seem that close, but if they asteroid were to adjust itself just an inch, it would completely change course and possibly collide with earth,” the guy continued, I glanced up to the TV, which was showing a bunch of grainy looking footage of earth exploding. It looked like something your chemistry teacher would show you about the damage of Hiroshima.

“The explosion would be massively larger than that which wiped out the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. They do say history has a way of repeating itself, but I’m glad that this time, it made an exception,” I rolled my eyes, turning off the tv. There was a sudden knock on the door, and I heard Uncle B let himself in.

“Ash? Where you at Bee, I brought takeout,” he called. It made my insides ache more.

“In here Uncle B. Did you hear about the asteroid?” I asked, twisting my head so I could see him coming into the kitchen. I didn’t really feel like talking, but I knew that if I didn’t pretend to be feeling ok he was going to get worried. Uncle B set the bags on the counter and shoved my cold egg plate aside. I was glad he didn’t say anything about it.

“Yeah, just missing earth, what luck is that, right?” He asked, pulling chinese takeout boxes out of his plastic bags. I looked down at my shoes.

“Yeah, real lucky,” I mumbled. Uncle B didn’t hear me, but he’d finished setting out the food and he’d started opening the boxes.

“So, you feeling any better? You get to stay home from school, that’s gotta be fun,” he said, looking up at me hopefully. I loved Uncle B, a lot. I’d say he was like a father to me, but no one could replace Dad, so he was just a plus dad, maybe even a mother. I also liked that he called me Bee. Dad used to always call me all the nicknames Mom uses, and now they just sound wrong. He’d made up one, even though it didn’t make much sense. 

“I dunno, I can’t really miss school, there’s just so much stuff going on, but the doctor said I can’t go until next week,” I explained. Uncle B nodded and came to sit over by me. He didn’t bring any of the food. 

“Well, I’m sure the world won’t end if you miss a week, Bee. You’re a hard worker, you’ll get it. And hey, doesn’t softball start soon?” he said, slugging me gently in the shoulder. I smiled, a surprisingly genuine smile. 

“Yeah, I almost forgot about that,” I said, Uncle B grinned. 

“Well, you can’t play softball on an empty stomach. Come on, I got all your favorites, and I rented Deadpool, or there’s always Mulaney on Netflix,” he said, sounding pleased with himself. I smiled wider. I liked Deadpool. 

“Thanks Uncle B,” I said, he winked.

“I gotchu, Bee.”


	10. Hawkeye, This Isn't M*A*S*H

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evidently.... my romance writing has improved.... a bit..... lakjsd;flakjs >.< oof

**Aatami had passed out on the car ride to the hospital.** Cal stayed awake the whole time. He wouldn’t let me dig around for a knife to cut his wrists loose, muttering something about my driving _‘already being horrible you don’t need help’_ and when I screeched to a stop in front of the hospital, he numbly helped me carry Aatami through the doors. I refused to let either of them out of my sight, especially Cal. That obviously ticked off the nurses, who were trying to usher us into different rooms. I just growled and didn’t let go of Aatami’s jacket and Cal’s arm.

They finally talked me into separating from Aatami so he could be operated on. I gave him a final squeeze he wasn’t even conscious to feel and then turned back to Cal. He looked rough in the fluorescent lights of the hospital. One of the nurses had cut the ties off his wrists, and I could see bruises marking where they’d been. The bruise on his cheek was a dark purple and his eyes looked glazed over. 

“Ma’am, I need you to–” one of the nurses tried, I turned on her and clenched my jaw.

“Help him, then worry about me,” I growled. The nurse sighed, she probably had to deal with shit like this all the time. Vaguely I felt a little guilty, but in the moment I was just worried about Cal. I pulled him over and helped him up onto one of the tissue-paper-covered exam tables. I still hadn’t let go of his arm, and I kept my grip while I watched the nurse examine and wrap his wrists. 

“Ok, well, it looks like your left wrist has a minor sprain, it should heal up in a–” she stopped herself, probably from saying something like _‘a week’_ I smiled.

“What, it won’t heal for the rest of his life?” I asked, a grin stretching across my face. Cal smiled too, and I felt relief wash over me. The nurse looked guiltily at the floor and didn’t notice our smiles.

“I’m sorry…” she said after a moment, I felt a little bad for her. I mean, what was she supposed to say? “As long as you keep it wrapped and try not to move it too much, you should be fine,” she finished, then she looked at me. 

“Ok, he’s fine, let me check you,” the nurse said, I clenched my teeth and glanced at Cal. He squeezed my hand reassuringly. “You’re going to need to lose the pants so I can see whatever’s bleeding,” the nurse said. She glanced between us, Cal jumped off the table and pried his arm out of my hand. 

“Nope! Not happening, I don’t want to see your ass, I’m out,” Cal said, he rushed out and I smiled after him. 

“Don’t run off!” I yelled after him, he just flipped me off and closed the door behind him, leaving me and the nurse alone in the tiny room. 

“Ok, pants off,” she said, I rolled my eyes and started untying the bandana I’d been using as a bandage. Bending over had been a mistake. Suddenly all the blood rushed to my head and my vision went blurry as my head started pounding. My leg was throbbing and my shoulder was screaming along with it, I straightened fast and grabbed the edge of the exam table for support. The nurse had somehow appeared at my side and she helped me climb onto the table. 

I blinked at the ceiling and tried to find the strength to grip the table.

“You’re ok, you’re all good. I’m just going to cut off these leggings ok? Just relax,” the nurse cooed at me. I tried to focus my vision on her, my head hurt so bad.

“You got any aspirin?” I asked. She laughed softly as she cut my leggings open. 

“You want to tell me where it hurts?” she asked, I laughed, but my head hurt and I think it sounded more like a groan.

“Everywhere?” I said, she peeled back the fabric on my legs and pursed her lips at the sight of the gash. It still didn’t look too bad, but with all the blood it was hard to tell. “My shoulder mostly, and my head,” I said. The nurse moved closer and her pant leg brushed against my toes. 

The nurse–I learned her name was Veronica–cleaned out my cut with stuff that burned like a bitch. I managed to pass out twice before she was finally finished. I didn’t want to look down and see the bandages. I was afraid of what that might dredge up and I really didn’t feel like having another mental breakdown. Veronica helped me out of Uncle B’s hoodie and then out of my shirt. I could barely raise my arm up without my shoulder stabbing me. She rubbed something on it that dulled the pain and I almost passed out again. 

When she’d finally finished, she told me to stay put so she could go get me some pants. I slipped back into my shirt and put Uncle B’s hoodie back on. I hugged it closer to me and breathed in his smell. It was still there, faint under all the blood and chlorine. Uncle B smelled like cedar and cigarettes. He didn’t smoke, not since Ican remember, but he always managed to smell like cigarettes. 

Veronica came back too soon and she startled me out of my non-thoughts. She’d found me a pair of sweatpants and some flip-flops. I stripped off the rest of my ruined tights and slipped into the sweatpants. They felt like heaven to my cold legs. I noticed Veronica watching me.

She was older than me, maybe a little younger than Uncle B with stupid long black hair she had up in a long ponytail. Her scrubs were pink, and the pop of color was making my head throb.

“Thank you,” I managed after a moment of feeling awkward. I swallowed and fidgeted with the hem of Uncle B’s hoodie.

“What happened to you guys?” she asked, I pursed my lips.

“Um, it’s kind of a long story, I’m tired and–”

“Three kids stumble in, one with a bullet in his leg and high on who knows what, one with zip ties and sprained wrists, and the third with bruises on her shoulder and fingers like she’s been shooting a big gun and a slash on her leg,” Veronica interrupted me. “I’m a little curious,” she finished, I clenched my jaw and forced my hands to still.

“Is Aatami ok?” I asked instead of answering, her expression didn’t change. Something about her made me not want to tell her anything. “With the bullet wound?” I clarified after a moment when she just stared at me with pursed lips.

“He’s fine, the surgery went well, and he’s resting,” she said dismissively, I let out a breath of relief. She watched me expectantly.

“We were staying at a hotel, and then it got held up,” I said, Veronica’s eyes widened. I glared at her and she got the message and didn’t ask anymore questions.

“We didn’t get names, so we haven’t been able to call emergency contacts, is there someone you want us to notify?” she asked, my mind jumped to Uncle B.

“No, no, I’ll do it myself,” I said, she nodded and then left. I sucked in a breath and then made my way out into the lobby.

The white tiles and sterile smell made my skin itch and I scratched at my wrists without thinking. I spotted Cal’s hair across the room, he was slumped over in one of the waiting room chairs. He didn’t even stir until I kicked his foot. He jumped up out of the chair and almost punched me. I managed to duck out of the way and I put my arms up in surrender.

“Hey man, chillax, it’s just me,” I said, he relaxed but he kept glaring at me.

“You’re the stupidest person I’ve ever met,” he said, I smiled.

“I think you’re pretty cool too,” I said. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, sinking back down into the chair. I sat down in the one next to him. I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep until Cal woke me up and held out a cup of coffee 

I blinked, it was light outside and there was significantly more people milling around. For a second I panicked, realizing I was in a hospital, and I snapped my eyes down to my wrists. I pulled the hoodie back and relaxed when I saw the faded scars. No bandages, just scars. _No bandages, just scars_. Cal cocked a brow, still holding out the coffee cup. I pulled my hoodie back down and accepted the cup. 

“They said we can go see Aatami now, apparently he’s still out but we can wait in his room until he wakes up,” Cal said, thankfully not mentioning my mini-freakout. I nodded and sipped at the hot coffee. It tasted more like water than coffee, but I was still grateful for something warm to hold.

“What time is it?” I asked, my voice sounded hoarse and I cleared my throat before taking another sip of coffee. Cal looked over at the clock on the wall by the reception desk.

“11:08,” he said, I blinked and looked over at the clock to make sure he wasn’t fucking with me. He wasn’t.

“Oh shit,” I said, pushing myself out of the chair and starting toward the general direction I assumed Aatami would be. I managed to trip, and barely catch myself and the coffee. My leg ached like a bitch and my shoulder felt like someone was jabbing me with a stick. I winced and stayed still for a moment. I felt Cal’s hand on my back.

“Don’t kill yourself,” he said, I laughed. It sounded kind of like I was choking.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I replied dryly. Cal rolled his eyes as I straightened myself out and followed him–slower–towards Aatami’s room. 

I paused for a moment in front of the door Cal stopped at. I could see Aatami through the tiny window in it and for a moment all the images of Cal and him bleeding to death came bubbling back up. I swallowed, pushing them to the back of my mind, and then reached out and opened the door. Aatami was sleeping, laying on his back with his head lolled over to the side in a way that honestly should have been so unattractive. But it wasn’t, somehow. His hair had apparently lost the gel and it was hanging in his eyes. I couldn’t exactly tell whether I liked this better than the quiff, but I think I did. His room was plain, just like every other hospital, with four close walls and a monitor beside his bed. On the other side was a tiny bedside table with a small potted plant. 

I itched at my arms again.

“We need to be moving,” I said softly, hoping that maybe my voice or Cal’s might distract me from the sound of the bathroom door slamming open and Uncle B’s voice calling my name over and over and my mom’s screams, relentlessly echoing in my mind. 

“We need to wait for Aatami, and you need to heal up,” Cal said, he’d claimed a wall on the other side of Aatami and was leaning up against it with his arms crossed. “You should be in one of these beds too, you know,” He said. I rolled my eyes and sat down in the chair next to the monitors. 

“I’m fine, it’s just a flesh wound,” I said, I glanced up at Cal to see if he’d gotten the reference. He rolled his eyes back at me.

“Flesh wound? Your leg’s nearly cut off,” he muttered so quietly I almost was sure I’d imagined it. I laughed so hard I folded over and struggled to breath. It felt so good to laugh. Before I knew what was happening tears were falling. I sucked in gasping breaths and tried to stop myself from crying. Cal was suddenly at my side, his hand on my back. I felt another hand and then realized I must have woken up Aatami.

“Hey, hey you’re all good,” Aatami murmured gently. I laughed through the tears, but I stopped trying to cut them off. I just let them fall. Cal and Aatami’s hands on my back and my shoulder aching and my leg feeling like someone was driving nails into it. I sobbed until I didn’t have anything left to cry. Cal had disappeared at some point and come back with a glass of water, and I’d taken Aatami’s hand. I was sure I was probably crushing it, but Aatami didn’t say anything until I’d finished crying.

“Good god, look at me go,” I said, wiping my cheeks and taking careful sips of the water Cal had given me. Cal rolled his eyes at me and Aatami furrowed his brow.

“Hey, you just got us out of a hostage situation, you beat _six_ gunmen,” Aatami said, I laughed, it was a weird half laugh that sounded more like a gasp than an actual laugh. It was weird, I’d just sobbed my guts out and yet I felt surprisingly stable.

“Yeah, it was stupid,” Cal said, he’d gone back across the room and crossed his arms again. I ignored him.

“It was brave,” Aatami said, and I looked over at him. He had grey eyes that were so full of emotions and obvious concern that I was afraid for a moment it would drown me. “And maybe a little stupid,” he admitted, I laughed again and broke eye contact. 

“That’s the understatement of the year,” Cal muttered. Aatami rolled his eyes and cradled my cheek in his hand. 

“Also, it was really hot,” He added. I blushed and rubbed my forehead to try and hide it. 

“No, no I don’t think it really was. I was dressed like some crazy bag-lady and I had a gun half the size of me,” I said around a laugh. Aatami laughed too. 

“Yeah! And you saved both our asses,” he said, I rolled my eyes. 

“I didn’t save either of you, I dived out a window.”

“You saved Cal,” Aatami persisted, I laughed again and noticed that Aatami had shifted a little so he was facing me and closer. I smiled a little and leaned in. 

“I didn’t even know if the gun would work, I’ve never shot one,” I said, he raised a brow and leaned closer, I could almost feel his nose brush mine. 

“Ash stop seducing him with your stupidity, I’m leaving, just fuck already,” Cal growled, I rolled my eyes as I heard the door click behind Cal. 

“So, Ash,” Aatami said quietly, he glanced down at my lips and I smirked wider.

“Yeah, Homie?” I asked.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please.” 

And just like that we closed the distance between each other–barely an inch anyways–and finally fucking kissed. It had been barely two days since I’d met Aatami, but it felt like it had been years. Maybe I was being over dramatic, or maybe it was just the timer on our lives talking, but kissing Aatami felt like it had been years in the making. 

It was sloppy, Aatami still loopy from the pain meds and me feeling buzzed from my mental breakdown. His hands were in my hair and my fist was clenched in the hospital gown around his neck. 

I’d kissed people before, I knew generally what I was doing, but nothing had been like kissing Aatami. Kissing him was like crack, I’ve never even done crack but I have a feeling it probably felt something like this. My entire body felt warm, and everytime his hands touched my skin it felt like it was finally thawing out after years. 

It had been years, years since I’d actually let someone in enough to feel like this. I don’t know how but somewhere along this stupid two day journey Aatami Home had managed to steal my heart and stick it between his teeth. Just like my– _fuck._ Pain jolted through my shoulder, pulling me out of my euphoric state.

I pulled away fast and blinked my vision back into focus. Aatami backed off instantly and pulled both hands away. 

“Are you ok? I’m so sorry, I–”

“No, no no, trust me it wasn’t you,” I said, I rubbed my aching shoulder and cursed it silently. “I just, I shouldn’t have moved my shoulder,” I said, he nodded slowly, then dragged a hand through his hair to fix the mused mess I’d made it. I smiled stupidly.

“Thanks,” I said, then felt dumb. _Thanks?_

“No, thank you,” he said, then winced. I could see him thinking the same thing I had. It made me smile again. 

“Maybe we should take it easy, at least until you aren’t bed ridden,” I said, Aatami nodded, and we shared a smile.

“Sounds good to me.”


	11. Ring Ring Its Buried Problems

It took Aatami another day to heal up enough to be discharged. Even then, his leg was still stiff. The doctors said luckily the bullet had just grazed the side of his leg, and the only reason it had been so bad is because he bled so much–and the drugs hadn’t helped. I was glad, we’d already sucked up two whole days of Cal’s ‘Finding Mia’ time, which meant we only had three days to find her. Three days until the world ended in a huge, fiery explosion and killed us all just like the dinosaurs. I was trying not to think about it.

My leg was already feeling better, and my shoulder was mostly just an ugly looking bruise. Cal’s wrist still needed to be wrapped but it was getting better fast, and the bruise on his cheek was fading, too. That was good, because every time I saw it my stomach curdled with anger and I imagined going back to find Hans and beating him some more. 

The hospital staff had said we could leave and find a hotel, but as soon as our doctor offered all of us burst out laughing. The staff stopped asking after that and Cal and I slept in Aatami’s room. 

I had snuck off before either of them had woken up so I could make a phone call. I made my way through the building until I was standing outside on the sidewalk. I’d driven us all the way to Creswell before I pulled off the highway and stopped. 

I sucked in a breath and pulled out my phone. I couldn’t get up the guts to dial any numbers though, so I just stared at it for a while. Someone yelled and I looked up, there was a dirty looking guy across the street who was buck naked and screaming about the end being nigh and how we needed to repent. I rolled my eyes as the cops cuffed him and subtly kept their distance.

_Thanks for the warning guy._

I looked back at the phone in my hand and forced myself to dial Uncle B’s number. I knew he always watched the news first thing, and if my face or Cal’s had gotten out at all he would track me down and murder me before the end of the world even got here. I told myself I was just calling to find out how much he knew, and not because I missed him. 

He picked up after the fourth ring and from his groggy voice he’d probably been asleep.

“Ash? Why are you up?” he asked, I smiled and pretended to ignore the feeling in my gut that made me want to reach through the phone and hug him.

“Hey, Uncle B,” was all I could manage. I heard him shuffle around on the other end of the phone like he was sitting up.

“How are you? Is everything ok?” he asked, I breathed in a shaky breath.

“Yeah… I mean… no–no not really,” I admitted, I could almost _hear_ Uncle B’s classic brow furrow.

“What happened?” He asked carefully. I smiled and tried to suck back the tears that were forming.

“Well, uh, I think I got a boyfriend,” I said, then laughed weakly. Uncle B laughed with me.

“What do you mean you _think?_ ” he asked, and I laughed again.

“We’re kind of in the hospital right now and uh, I haven’t, um, really found a time to ask specifics,” I said, Uncle B went quiet.

“You want to run that one by me again?” he said quietly. I sucked in another breath.

“Cal, Aatami and I got into a bit of trouble, I drove us to a hospital. Aatami’s getting released today,” I said. Uncle B didn’t say anything for a long moment. 

“Ash, why are you in a hospital?” Uncle B asked finally, deadly serious. 

“I’m pretty sure if I say that you’ll kill me,” I teased halfheartedly.

“Ashleigh Danielle–”

“There was a hostage thing, at the hotel we were staying at, we got out, but Aatami got–” I cut myself off for a moment. Telling him all this was supposed to be easy. The words were just supposed to spill out and I was going to laugh. Laugh about how Cal’s fucking rich and Aatami could hack into the hotel like it was nothing. Laugh about how big the gun had been in my hand and the way that Cal had spit on Hans. Now though, my words only seemed to come out in halting fragments, and I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at any of it. “–Aatami got shot, Cal almost got kidnapped, and I dived into a pool,” I said.

“Bee, oh my god, are you ok? Where are you, I’m going to be there in an hour, I promise, even if I have to hijack a plane,” Uncle B said, I could hear him shuffling around on the other end of the line, he was probably getting up and trying to get dressed with one hand.

“No, no, it’s too late, we have to get moving again, and I can’t hold Cal up anymore,” I said, the line went quiet and for a moment I thought Uncle B had hung up on me. 

“Cal?” he asked finally, I closed my eyes in relief.

“Cal, yeah, the guy who was asking for Kevin Arthur. We’re so close to finding Mia and Aatami’s fine and we really can’t hold him up anymore I mean, it’s already been two days and–” 

“Whoa whoa, slow down, you’re actually looking for Kevin?” he asked, I froze. 

“Yes,” I said, “We need to find Mia, Hans said–”

“Who is Hans?” I bit my lip and then made up my mind.

“His name was actually Fisk. He was the one holding up the hotel,” I said, Uncle B cursed on the other end of the phone.

“Jesus Christ, Ash, you need to come home right now,” He said, I set my jaw.

“No, no I can’t. If I leave now, Cal is going to keep going on his own and I won’t let him do that. Plus we’re so close, and the things Hans–Fisk–said Rose-Count was making Mia do–”

“Ashleigh, you don’t understand, you need to come home now. You can not go looking for Kevin. He is a very, _very_ bad man and if you keep looking for him you will end up far worse places than death,” Uncle B said, his voice was quiet, and it made chills run across my skin.

“Kevin is Rose-Count isn’t he,” I asked, it wasn’t really a question though. I knew what the answer would be. “How do you know Rose-Count, Uncle B?” I asked. He didn’t say anything for a long moment so I bulldozed ahead. “Cal asked for you by name. He said he was looking for Koda, that’s your name, you knew who he was, you knew who Mia was, I’m not stupid, Uncle B, how do you...” I realized something, and the question I had been asking died in my throat, a new one rising in its place.

“Uncle B? What’s your last name?” I asked. I knew he’d gotten it changed to Jeffers after my dad died so he could be listed as my legal guardian. Thinking that now made me realize just how stupid that sounded. 

“Bee…” Uncle B said, my throat felt tight, and I squeezed the phone so tightly my knuckles felt cold.

“Answer me,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Ash please, we need to have this conversation in person, it’s not–” he cut himself off and sighed exasperatedly. I waited. “Arthur. It’s Arthur. I had it changed because I didn’t need anyone finding me out,” he said, I stayed quiet for a long time.

“So, what, you and this Kevin guy, are brothers?” I asked, Uncle B sighed again.

“Yes, Kevin is biologically my brother, but I wouldn’t call him anything other than a slug,” he said, I believed him.

“And you knew Mia was with him,” I said, it was another not-question. He obviously knew Kevin had Mia, he admitted it before I’d even left. “And you didn’t do anything? You knew Mia was living with one of the _biggest crime lords_ in the U.S. You knew and you didn’t do anything?” I asked, I could feel my guts wringing themselves out. 

“Ash I couldn’t–I wanted to, believe me, I tried, but if I had he would have hurt you or–” he cut himself off, I furrowed my brow. 

“Why would he give a shit about me?” I asked, it didn’t make sense. If Rose-Count would have wanted to threaten Uncle B he could have done it with my mom, or just threaten Uncle B. Most people didn’t even know we were close, I was starting to understand why now, but it didn’t make sense that Rose-Count would threaten to hurt me if Uncle B tried to help Mia.

“How much has your mom told you about your birth father?” Uncle B said. My head was spinning. My Mom and Dad had both told me when I was little that Dad wasn’t my biological dad. They’d let it slip through the years that whoever my biological dad was, he wasn’t good. Mom had given birth to me, then packed up and booked it. Then she met Dad when she was trying to get into witness protection and they hit it off. 

“I know he was an asshole, and Mom had to run away after she had me,” I said slowly. I heard Uncle B swallow on the other end of the phone.

“Ash, she didn’t run after she’d had you. You lived with them for a year until your mom got pregnant again, and then she ran,” he said, I blinked, then suddenly felt like laughing.

“Wait, wait I don’t get it. Why would Mom and Dad lie? They both told me that she ran when I was born,” I said. 

“You and your mom lived with your–with your biological dad for a year, then Kenya had finally had enough and she ran. We found out after she went on the run that she was pregnant, and she went to witness protection with your dad–Nick–he really helped her. Kevin found her, and he took the baby. He threatened to take you too, and Kenya told him she wouldn’t say anything if he left you alone,” Uncle B said. I felt numb.

“She sold her baby to Rose-Count. She sold her child to a mob boss,” I summed up.

“Ash, I don’t agree with it either but she didn’t have a choice–” he tried, I cut him off.

“No–no, no, don’t defend her, and don’t think I’m leaving you out of this,” I hissed, I didn’t give him time to say anything, “There is no excuse for leaving a _child_ in that situation. Do you know what _Kevin_ is doing to Mia right now? Do you? No? Well I do. I got it rubbed all in my face right after I shot someone in the leg.” Then realization hit me like a brick to the back of my head. “He knows. He knows who I am. That’s what he meant, that’s what he was saying. _I didn’t even have to be around him to be just like him,_ ” I whispered as my entire body went cold. 

“Bee–”

“No, no don’t, I don’t want to hear from you, or Kenya ever again. Kevin fucking Arthur is selling my sister out like a fucking whore and you _let_ this happen. You _let_ him do this to her and when we get her out of there, anything, _anything_ that has ever happened to her while she lived with Kevin, is on you, and Kenya. I’m glad you both are going to burn,” I growled.

“Sister–? Wait, no Ash, please–”

Whatever he was saying got cut off as I hung up the phone. I let my hand drop to my side as my thoughts raced through my brain. Then the anger came. It seized my limbs and I chucked my phone so that it bounced off the wall of the clinic. I bunched up my hair in my fists and pulled until the need to scream died in my throat. My scalp was burning and my stomach felt rotten. 

“The hell was that?” Cal asked, I turned around slowly, and took my hands out of my hair. I swallowed the bile rising up in my throat and forced my jaw to relax.

“Depends on how much of it you saw,” I said carefully. He cocked a brow at me. I noticed Aatami standing beside him, he was leaning off of his left leg and watching me concernedly. I took a deep breath.

“Enough to be mildly concerned and interested,” Cal deadpanned. He took a sip of his coffee and casually leaned against the wall of the hospital. At least someone wasn’t changing. Cal was still the same asshole he’d been since I met him. Aatami hadn’t changed either, I could see the question on his face before he even asked it. 

“Is everything ok?” Aatami asked as he leaned over and picked up my phone. I swallowed thickly and took the phone from his outstretched hands. 

“Everything is great, are we ready to move? I want us in Del Norte by noon.”


	12. Del Norte

**The only good thing about the whole gunmen incident, is that we learned that Rose-Count was actually in Crescent City.** Crescent City was still huge, but at least we didn’t have to comb through all of Del Norte, which turned out to be pretty big. Definitely too big to just blindly wander around in. 

Aatami insisted on diving, so I claimed shotgun again and Cal sprawled out in the backseat. He’d been eyeing me since we’d left the hospital, I was pretending not to notice his eyes boring into the back of my skull. I ran my fingers over the shattered screen of my phone and licked my lips. It had been about three and a half hours since we left Creswell, and we’d passed a sign a ways back announcing our entrance to Del Norte county.

“Hey, you know, none of us are over 21, right?” I asked, Aatami shook his head and furrowed his brow and Cal just kept staring at me. I popped the case off my phone so I could take out a card I kept in the back. “Cause I’m not, but this ID says I am and I could use a drink and maybe some lunch,” I said, Aatami laughed and Cal narrowed his eyes. I ignored him and grinned at Aatami. 

“Hell yeah,” he said and pulled off the highway to look for a bar. I felt a little bad, we’d already sucked up so much of Cals time. But I also knew that as soon as he found Mia, they’d be all over each other until we exploded. I didn’t blame him, that’s what I would do, but I also wanted to have a last moment with him before we met Mia.

Before I met my fucking sister. 

Cause that was the other thing I was trying not to think about. I had a list in my head of things not to think about.

#1. Cal, Aatami, and Mia all dying at the end of the world.

#2. The end of the world being on sunday.

#3. Mia being my long lost sister who my mom and Uncle sold to a mob boss so they could keep me.

#4. My biological father being a mob boss.

#5. The conversation I’d had with Uncle B.

#6. Uncle B

#7. All the things that Kevin Arthur might have done to Mia in the 17 years she’d been alive.

That last one was especially hard to not think about, and I really, really just wanted to get drunk and maybe make out with Aatami and not think about anything. I wanted to celebrate our last days on earth and not worry about anything. I wanted to stop thinking. 

The bar we eventually pulled up to was actually a pub, and we all crowded into a booth. Aatami and I on one side and Cal scowling at us on the other. I skimmed the menu, and when the waitress stopped by I ordered a whole bottle of rum and a cheese burger. Cal and Aatami ordered and the waitress gave us a final wary look before she left without even asking for my ID.

“Hey, guys, I don’t know if we’ll be able to foot the bill,” I said, and Aatami and I burst out laughing. Cal rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“Who says I’m paying for this shit?” he asked. I knew it was a harmless threat, and I smiled.

“Hey, I saved you, you owe me,” I said, he rolled his eyes again and glared. I noticed the corner of his mouth tip up ever so slightly though.

“You can’t keep saying that,” he said, I grinned wider, and then the waitress dropped off the bottle of Sailor Jerry’s and three glasses. All three of us took two shots immediately, and my head started feeling like it was floating. Aatami couldn’t stop grinning and even Cal looked like he’d relaxed a little. 

“Oh shit, you’re going to be drunk for the reunion,” I said, my words slurring. Cal smirked.

“Drunk? I’m not drunk, you guys are just lightweights,” he said, Aatami and I laughed, I looked over at him. 

“So Homie, we didn’t get much of your story, wanna fill us in?” I asked, Cal poured himself another shot.

“I bet he wants to fill _someone_ in,” he muttered into his glass. I shot him a glare, but if Aatami caught his comment, he didn’t react. 

“Mmm, my life’s boring, parents died in a car crash and so I bounced in foster care for a year until Cannon found me and made me live with Baba,” he said, I shoved him in the shoulder.

“That’s not boring, that’s like, I don’t know, a superhero backstory,” I said. 

“Drink if you’ve ever been in foster care,” Aatami said, Cal and him both knocked a shot back. I raised a brow at him. 

“Drink if you don’t tell your friends enough about your life,” I said pointedly at Cal. He laughed and took another shot before gesturing to me.

“You too, you hypocrite,” He said, I smiled and took a shot. 

“Ok, ok, drink if… if you’ve ever stolen something,” Aatami said, I laughed as all three of us took a shot.

“Drink if you… have a scar,” I said, Cal and I both took a shot and Aatami looked down at his leg. “Nope, doesn’t count,” I said before he could ask.

“Ok, show ‘em off,” he said, Aatami was still sounding pretty sober. I couldn’t remember how much of the bottle he’d drunk, just that it was a lot less then me and Cal. My head felt like it was floating and I felt giggly. I pulled up my sleeves and showed off the scars on the insides of my wrists.

“Tried to off myself last year, almost did it too, but my Uncle found me,” I said. The pale skin of the scars was jagged and it harshly contrasted the rest of my dark skin. On my left arm it was three even lines running up my arm. On my right arm they looked rough and crooked. I’d lost so much blood by then and I was using my left hand. I got two and a half of the lines done before Uncle B kicked down the bathroom door and threw the knife away so hard it got buried handle deep in the wall. My mom’s screams and Uncle B’s curses were echoing inside my head, but thanks to the alcohol they sounded far away. Cal rolled up his own sleeves.

“One of my foster moms didn’t like the glass ashtrays,” he said simply. My eyes moved around the tiny circular scars dotting up his arms. Cal kept his eyes on his arms for a moment, and then he pulled his sleeves down and took another shot. I did one with him.

“One time, before Baba and Cannon, I was staying at this halfway house before my new foster family could pick me up. I was a cocky asshole and I stole the wrong persons food. He just whipped out a fork and stabbed me right in the thigh four times, I had the scars for years and I still won’t steal anyone's food,” Aatami said. I raised a brow at him. He didn’t take a shot, just held on to the glass he had. 

“I had a foster family that was so homophobic, they locked me in their closet until my hair lost the purple dye I’d had,” Cal said. He took another shot. 

I didn’t know what we were doing. It almost felt like a competition. Maybe it was the drinks taking the edge off, but it didn’t seem like a bad thing. It felt surprisingly nice to be sharing the shit we’d lived with. I hadn’t said anything to anyone about me trying to kill myself since the hospital Uncle B had taken me to. 

“Cannon pulled me out of a foster family that was trying to sell me for drug money,” Aatami said. 

“My dad killed himself because he didn’t think my mother and I could protect ourselves from my biological dad,” I said after a moment of thinking. I took two shots after saying that out loud. 

I don’t even remember him killing himself, I just remember finding the letter he’d left me. I couldn’t read it because of his cursive handwriting so I brought it to my mom. She freaked out and ran out of the house. I remember trying so hard to read that note. I spent hours alone in the house while Mom looked for Dad. 

Later on I found the letter and read it. It had been my father saying goodbye to me. A suicide note. He’d left one for the police station too, confessing to a bunch of crimes my biological dad did so the cops would stop asking mom questions and drawing attention to her. At least, that’s what Uncle B told me. Now that I knew who my biological dad was, it made a little more sense. 

“Drink if you’re problematic,” Cal said halfheartedly. All three of us took a drink. Cal and I pounded ours and Aatami took a thoughtful sip. The waitress came by with our food and we all ate in silence for a moment. 

“So, Aatami, what’s it like living with your Baba?” I asked, bumping my knee against his leg and stuffing fries in my face. 

“Overbearing, I love her, but honestly I don’t think anyone wants me to get married more than she does,” he said, I laughed. “I mean seriously, I can’t go anywhere without her trying to set me up with some poor girl,” he said around a laugh. Cal smiled and shook his head around his burger. I reached for the bottle of rum and poured myself another shot, I filled Cal’s glass up and finished the bottle. We both downed our shots and then went back to eating.

Aatami sounded almost like he didn’t like his Baba. At least, the words he used did. But he always had this adorably fond tone he used when talking about her. And I knew he’d been calling and texting her this entire trip. 

“You better not forget about me, you know, when you and Mia get back together,” I said to Cal, I meant it to come off as a joke, and it was a little surprising how serious I felt about it. Cal smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Trust me, I don’t think I could forget someone like you,” he said, the way he said it I couldn’t tell if he was insulting me or complimenting me. “Besides, I bet you and Mia are going to get along,” he said, I swallowed thickly and forced a smile on my face. 

“Hey Aatami,” I said, turning on him. He raised a brow and I leaned closer to him. “I think that you look really hot right now,” I said, I pressed a kiss to his lips and he laughed.

“I think that _you_ are really drunk right now,” he said teasingly, but he kissed me again and I felt even more buzzed then I had. 

“Hey, um, speaking of Mia, I have–I have something to tell you about… _her,_ ” Cal said, he was slurring his words almost as much as I was now and I looked over at him. He was making eye contact with me like he was asking me something. I couldn’t figure out what it was. Then it hit me.

He knew, he knew that Mia was my sister and he thought I didn’t know. Why else would he have tracked down Uncle B? Before Cal could say anything else though, the waitress appeared. With three more drinks I didn’t remember ordering.

I downed mine, and Cal swallowed his and gripped the cup like he was bracing for something. Aatami didn’t drink his, he was too busy looking at something over his shoulder.

“What? That you know Mia’s my sister,” I blurted. Some very far corner of my mind smacked me for just spitting it out. Cal furrowed his brow.

“What?” he asked, and I made a face.

“Don’t act like you don’t know, I know that’s how you knew who Uncle B was,” I said, Cal’s face didn’t change.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re Mia’s sister,” he asked, I scrunched up my face. 

“I mean I’m her sister, just found out this morning. My shit ass family decided to wait to let me in on the family drama until right before the world ends,” I said, “What? You didn’t know?” I asked, Cal made a face.

“No, of course I didn’t know, how the fuck would I know?” he said, he was leaning over the table towards me and I leaned forward with him. He was challenging me, and I was feeling in the mood for a fight anyways. The rum in my system was making the thought of a fight really appealing. “Besides, I know you’re lying,” he said, I clenched my fists.

“ _Lying??_ Why the fuck would I lie about having a mob boss for a father!?” I growled, Cal gritted his teeth and didn’t drop his glare. 

“I don’t know, I just know that you don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. I laughed in his face. 

“Yeah, yeah ok. You’re right, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I do know that my Uncle wasn’t lying when he told me him and my mom sold Mia off so that they could keep me. And I know he wasn’t lying, because if he was, then it makes all the shit I said to him really fucking shitty,” I said, suddenly wishing I hadn’t had so much to drink. My chest felt like it was on fire and my eyelids were heavy. I swooned and fell back against the booth. By the time I’d recovered Cal was stalking off to the bathroom. I rolled my eyes.

“Fucking asshole,” I hissed around clenched teeth. 

“Ash, are you ok?” Aatami asked. I dropped my head into my hands and squeezed my eyes shut.

“Yeah, peachy,” I said, guilt was burning in my gut and I stood up to follow Cal. The ground tilted beneath me and my vision went blurry. I grabbed the seat for stability and waved Aatami off when he tried to help me. “I–I gotta go… go apologize,” I said, stumbling over my words as much as my feet. “Don’t follow,” I said over my shoulder. 

“You got five minutes,” Aatami said, and I flipped him off lovingly. I put my hand on the wall and followed it down the hallway to the bathrooms. I passed by a small empty doorway leading to the kitchen, and as I continued down the hallway I spotted a door with an exit sign over it. It was slightly open and I made my way over, pausing once as the ground tilted again. 

_What the fuck was in those drinks?_ I knew we drank a lot, but usually it doesn’t hit me this fast. 

I pushed the door open and tried to focus my eyes on the figures in the alleyway. When I finally managed to I realized it was Cal, struggling to fight off two other goons. He looked sluggish, and I recognized one of the guys trying to grab him. He’d been sitting at the bar when we walked in. I remembered the final drinks the waitress had, and remembered not ordering more drinks. My sluggish brain took way too long to connect it all.

“Fucking _roofied?_ ” I hissed, this caused all three of Cal and the two goons to look over at me. 

“Ash _run_ ,” Cal hissed at me through gritted teeth, then his head listed to the side and he went limp. My own head was suddenly feeling so heavy, and I swallowed and tried to make my way down the steps to help Cal. I tripped and fell on my side onto the concrete. 

“Shit,” I managed, before slipping completely unconscious. 


	13. Mika Mia Man Murderer

**I woke up to what felt like someone drilling nails into my skull.** I groaned against the headache and tried to reach up to cradle my head. Panic clawed icy fingers over my stomach as I realized I couldn’t move my hands. My eyes flashed open and I pulled more desperately on the ropes holding my arms above my head. I discovered similar ropes around my ankles that kept me tied down to a bed. 

I tried to steady my breathing and calm my racing heart, and looked around. The events from before were coming back to me, the pub, Cal and I fighting, passing out. A new wave of panic rushed over me and I pulled on the ropes more. It didn’t do much, and I could already feel rope burns starting on my wrists. 

The room I was in looked gross. It had peeling green wallpaper and water damage climbing the walls. There were two grimy windows that had nails hammered into the sill to keep them shut. Two four poster beds took up one wall, and opposite that was a big green door. Other than the two beds and a couple chairs, the room was empty. I took up one and someone else was laying in the other. 

I turned my head to get a better look and recognized Cal. He was still passed out, but relief, then more panic, rolled over me. 

“Cal, _Cal–Jesus christ,”_ I whisper yelled. He didn’t even stir and I swore under my breath. I glanced around, no one else was in the room so I turned back to Cal and raised my voice. “ _Cal!_ ” I hissed, he groaned and scrunched up his face. Then he found the ropes and jolted fully awake. “Cal, thank god,” I said, my heart was still thundering in my chest but my breathing had slowed to less lung ripping speeds. 

“Ash?” Cal asked, looking over at me. “Where the fuck are we?” he asked.

“I don’t know, where’s Aatami?” I answered and he gave me a look.

“How the fuck would I know that?” he growled and I glared at him.

“Fuck you, I was just asking.”

“I just woke up!”

“So did I!” 

The door at the other end of the room unlocked and swung open. Both Cal and I’s heads snapped over to see who was coming through. My entire body tensed helplessly and my breathing got shallow again.

Two men entered, one was tall and pale skinned with wide features and a slight pig nose. He didn’t even bother to glance up at us as he entered, and just turned to face the other man who was following him, blocking my view of him.

“Who the fuck are you?” I hissed through clenched teeth, he ignored me and talked to the other man.

“You sure you don’t want gags?” he asked, the other guy shook his head. 

“I will want privacy” he said quietly. The first guy rolled his eyes but left the room, unblocking my view of the other guy.

He looked smaller than I’d expected, with narrow shoulders and a huge looking jean jacket he was almost drowning in. It had stitched roses curling around the sleeves, winding around his arms. He had dark skin with vitiligo patches that climbed his neck and covered his face and hands. His curly black hair was a blob piled on top of his head with the sides shaved, and he had a pair of amber eyes that wouldn’t meet mine. I could see studs lining up his ears and a silver nose piercing. Cal’s breath hitched, and I realized what was happening.

The man closed and locked the door behind him, then started towards me. As soon as the door was closed, though, his shoulders slumped and his face went from stoic to anxious. I barely noticed as my heart tried to slam its way out of my chest.

“ _If you fucking touch me or Cal, I swear to god I’ll–_ ” I growled, and the guy flinched.

“No, no, no I would never. I’m so sorry, I really am, I just–I saw them bringing you in and I–I didn’t know what to do so I–” the guy stumbled over his words and rushed to untie me. I sat up as soon as the ropes around my wrists were gone and furrowed my brow at him. I untied my own ankles as he went around to untie Cal, who was staring at the guy. 

“ _Mia,_ ” he breathed and I made a face and looked back at the guy. 

_What?_

Mia untied Cal and then turned back to me.

“I’m so so so sorry, I really am, believe me I wouldn’t have–” I opened my mouth to assure him it was fine, but Cal grabbed the sides of his face and turned him back around. His eyes were scanning up and down every inch of the guy and I blinked. 

_Wait._

“Cal, I–” The guy tried and Cal shook his head.

“Don’t,” he said, his voice sounded raw... suddenly, it clicked. 

“Oh my god,” I managed, Cal ignored me and locked eyes with fucking _Mia_. “I’m such an idiot, _that’s what you were trying to tell us,_ ” I said, slapping my forehead. Mia looked over at me and Cal grabbed his chin and turned his face back, glaring over Mia’s shoulder at me.

“ _Not now, Ash,_ ” Cal said, I rolled my eyes.

“Cal, you can’t be here, you both need to leave–” Mia tried, and Cal didn’t move.

“ _We_ are leaving,” he said, Mia tried to shake his head and Cal tightened his grip so he couldn’t. 

“You know I can’t, you know what he’ll do to you,” Mia whispered, he dropped his eyes and Cal’s jaw clenched. Mia’s hands were hanging loosely off Cals wrists.

“I don’t give a shit. Leaving was the worst mistake I ever made, you _are_ coming with us, even if I have to drag you out,” he growled. I blinked at them, mostly at Mia. Mika Arthur. My _brother_ , Cal’s _boy_ friend, Kevin and Kenya’s _son_. He looked just enough like mom that it was startling. We both had her tight curls and dark skin, and Mia had the vitiligo. He had the same amber eyes as me and I couldn’t do anything other than stare at him and compare. He was a little skinnier than me, and he had dark circles under his eyes. I hadn’t quite been able to fully wrap my head around the idea of having a sibling, but now that he was here, standing in front of me, I couldn’t not. 

“I’m not letting you go again,” Cal said fiercely, and then Mia kissed him. 

I blinked and finally managed to focus my boiling thoughts. It kind of felt like trying to grab paper as it fell out of the sky. 

“Wait, wait hold up. _You’re_ Mia?” I asked when they pulled apart, my jaw still sweeping the floor. Cal was grinning and Mia looked flushed as he jumped at my voice, like he’d forgotten I was there. He turned around and let Cal pull him up onto the bed next to him so they were sitting side by side. Cal wouldn’t take his eyes off Mia.

“Sorry, yes, hi? I’m Mika,” he said, clearing his throat and trying to compose himself. I narrowed my eyes at him. 

“Ash, meet my boyfriend, Mia. Mia, meet my bestfriend and personal demon, Ash,” If it had been any other circumstance, I think I might have been more surprised that Cal had called me his best friend.

“Fuck off,” I said, mostly out of habit than actual retort. Cal didn’t even look at me, he hooked an arm around Mia’s waist and pulled him closer, pressing a kiss to his jaw. Mia blushed and pushed him off, biting his lip against a smile.

“I’m sorry about him,” he said, I raised a brow. 

“It’s nice to um… to finally meet you. Cal doesn’t shut up about you,” I said, Cal glared at me, but I saw what he was actually trying to say. 

_Don’t bring it up yet._

I nodded and Cal went back to kissing Mia’s neck. Mia laughed giddily and then pushed Cal off him again. 

“Cal, not right now?” he said, Cal sighed, but laid back down on the bed and satisfied himself with tangling his hand in Mia’s hair. I saw Mia relax, and I wondered how few times people had respected his no. It lit a fire in my gut that threatened to burn the tape off the box I was saving.

“Fuck you, Ash,” Cal murmured to the back of Mia’s head, I rolled my eyes.

“Fuck you, too,” I said, Mia glanced between us. 

“You really should be leaving,” Mia said, Cal growled and tugged gently on Mia’s hair. “ _We,_ should be leaving,” Mia corrected himself after a moment. I watched them for a second before a thought popped into my head.

“Fuck,” I cursed, “Where’s Aatami? Where’s my phone?” I demanded, patting my pockets frantically as Mia furrowed his brow. Surprisingly, my phone was still tucked into the waistband of my sweatpants, I pulled it out and scrolled over the cracked screen.

_75 Missed Calls._

_34 texts._

Five of the calls were from Uncle B, and 3 of the texts, the rest were from a panicked Aatami.

“I didn’t see them bring anyone but you two in,” Mia said, I opened up my messages and scanned the ones Aatami had sent, ignoring Uncle B’s pleas to let him explain. 

Homie: Where are you guys?? 

Homie: What happened? You guys disappeared??

Homie: Ash where did you guys go?

Homie: Hello??

Homie: I don’t have Cals number is he with you??

Homie: Please don’t ditch me Homie: ASH???

I sagged with relief. _They didn’t get him._

Ash: Sorry. We’re ok, at Rose-Count’s whore house we got grabbed behind the pub. We found Mia

I texted, Aatami’s texting bubble popped up almost immediately. 

Homie: Thank god

Homie: Wait, why are you at Rose-Count’s whore house?

Homie: What happened??

Ash: Cal and I got drugged, there were guys out back of the pub and they grabbed us, Mia saved us

I paused for a moment, then typed out ‘Ish’ and then deleted it. Instead I went to my phone’s location to send it to Aatami. I made a face as I sent it to him. 

“ _Crescent City?_ ” I asked, Cal raised a brow and Mia furrowed his. “What are we doing in Crescent City?” I asked, Cal sat up and Mia’s eyes went wide in horror.

“Where were you guys picked up?” Mia asked, I squinted my eyes as I tried to remember. 

“Smith River,” Cal said, he was watching Mia concernedly, one hand on Mia’s leg. “Why?” he asked.

“No, no no, you need to leave _now,_ ” Mia said, standing up and rushing over to the windows. He tried to pull them up but the nails kept them in place. Besides, we were a story up and I didn’t think there was a pool anywhere around. 

“Mia, what’s wrong,” Cal asked, he stood up and went over to where Mia was looking around for an exit. I noticed his hands hovering over Mia’s arms instead of actually touching them. I couldn’t tell if either of them realized he was doing it.

“If he went that far away, it was on purpose, he was after you and that means he knows who you are,” Mia said, he was mostly talking to Cal which was a bit of a relief. It meant there was a good chance that Rose-Count and Mia didn’t know who I was. Hans hadn’t even said anything until I told him my name.

“Who’s _he_?” I asked, Cal shot a scowling look at me like I was supposed to know. I made a face and shrugged. 

“My father,” Mia said. _My father._ I couldn’t help but repeat in my own head. 

“They did only grab me because I interrupted them grabbing you,” I said, avoiding Mia’s eyes and looking at Cal. He nodded and chewed on the inside of his cheek.

“We’re going to get out of here,” Cal said, Mia didn’t look convinced and I glanced around the room. “Mia, is that guy still going to be standing out there?” Cal asked, Mia chewed on his lip.

“I… I’m not sure. He should be but he might have wandered off,” Mia said, uncertainty slicking his voice. Cal nodded, then looked over at the door. 

“We can take one guy,” he said, he glanced at me and then back to Mia. 

“Last time, I had a gun,” I said, Cal smirked and Mia furrowed his brows in confusion. 

“I think you’ll be able to manage,” Cal said, then he raised a joking brow at Mia. “You?” he asked, Mia gave him a nervous smile. I got the feeling that there was something I was missing. “Ok cool, if we all go out at once, he’ll have no chance,” Cal said, and I nodded, then glanced at Mia. He looked even smaller now that I was standing, and especially with the jean jacket. Cal laughed a half laugh.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be fine,” he said, Mia blushed and I rolled my eyes. “Mia was a kickass cheerleader,” he said with a secretive smile at Mia. 

“Ok, then let’s get this show on the road,” I said, I glanced down at my phone.

Aatami: I’ll be there in 15

I smiled and stuffed my phone into my hoodie pocket.

“Aatami’s on his way we should–” 

The door burst open, interrupting my announcement with that of another. Cal shoved Mia behind him and I flipped around to face the door as five goons poured in. Cal shot me a quick look– _Not yet._ I swallowed my pride and let one of the goons grab my arm. I stood still and watched as Cal backed him and Mia into a corner, he squeezed Mia’s jacket sleeve reassuringly before two goons hauled him away. The other two just stood on either side of Mia who was staring after Cal with so much panic in his look that I started to feel it in my throat. 

I turned away from Mia and watched as the two goons holding Cal shoved him down into a chair and set up another across from him. Then a man walked through the doorway and sauntered into the room to sit down in front of Cal. 

The man looked strikingly like Mia, he had the exact same amber eyes and smaller frame. His shoulders were a bit broader but I suspected it was just because of Mia’s slouch. The man had curly black hair that was shaved close to his head in a way that was almost like Uncle B’s. Except Uncle B’s was shorter. He was wearing a brown blazer that had leather elbow patches. That combined with the slacks and the fancy looking shoes made him look kind of like a teacher. He smiled warmly at Cal, and Cal glared back at him. Everything about him suddenly felt deceiving as I realized who the man must be.

“Cal! It’s been a minute,” Rose-Count said, “You just sort of ran off, no goodbyes, no warning,” Kevin sighed, he almost sounded genuinely hurt. “I know _someone’s_ been missing you,” he said. I furrowed my brow and reexamined him. He was making the conversation sound like he was teasing Cal, but something about the words kept making my skin crawl. I glanced over to Mia. His eyes were pinned to the floor and he’d gone completely still. Cal wasn’t breaking eye contact with Rose-Count, his jaw jutting out. His shoulders were as set as he could get them with the two goons holding his arms behind his back. Rose-Count relaxed against the back of the chair and looked towards Mia.

“Right, _Mia_?” Rose-Count asked, Mia flinched, then nodded slowly at the floor and my gut clenched at the way Rose-Cunt smiled. 

“You know you’re the reason I left,” Cal growled, obviously trying to keep the attention off Mia. It worked, and Rose-Count leaned forward in his chair to be face to face with Cal. He raised a brow questioningly. 

“Do tell, because–as I remember–I didn’t even find out about your little fling until… well, not until you gave it away,” Rose-Count said, his lips twisted into an unsettling smile. “The way I see it, is that, if you hadn’t given yourself away, you wouldn’t have had to leave,” Rose-Count said slowly. Cal didn’t say anything, just kept staring at Rose-Count.

“Ugh, I forgot how _boring_ you are. Mika, you have horrible taste in lovers,” Rose-Count said, exaggeratingly rolling his eyes into his head and leaning back in his chair. “Well, Cal, you know I do have some rules. I’m sure Mika probably shared them with you, but in case he neglected to warn you–” Rose-Count pulled a long knife out of his jacket and I tensed. Cal’s eyes flicked down to the knife for a brief moment before going back to Rose-Count’s face. I could see Mia tense across the room. 

“You were using my property without my permission, therefore, you were stealing my merchandise,” Rose-Count explained casually as he flipped the knife around in his hands. Cal didn’t let his eyes drop again but mine followed the knife as it twirled around. My stomach felt sick. _Property?_ A new wave of hatred for my mother, Uncle B, and Rose-Cunt rose up and I had to grit my teeth to stop myself from ripping my arm out of the goons grasp and grabbing the knife from Rose-Count and stabbing it handle deep in his eye. 

Cal seemed to sense my growing restlessness and he flicked his eyes to me in another warning– _Not yet._

“Now, I know you, and I know you have the money to pay me back for all the debt you’ve racked up while fucking around with my son. But it’s the end of the world soon, and money’s useless. So I figure, I’ll just take my debt in cuts,” Rose-Count said. He said it so nonchalantly, like he was deciding between chinese or mexican for dinner, and not the torture of Cal. Cal didn’t move, just kept his eyes on Rose-Count and his jaw clenched. I shifted my feet and clenched my fists. 

“ _Don’t.”_ Cal growled at me and I glared at him. Rose-Count raised a brow and shifted his attention to me. 

“Oh, I forgot you were here. Why, again, are you here?” he asked, dropping the knife away from Cal’s face. Cal was trying to make eye contact with Mia now that Rose-Count’s attention was away and I took the hint and stalled.

“Just chillin’,” I said, forcing the disgust to leave my throat and replaced it with nonchalance. Rose-Count laughed, then pulled a gun out of his jacket and set it on his lap. 

“Well, I’d recommend not interrupting this, unless you want lead poisoning,” Rose-Count said around a bone chilling smile. I smiled back, it felt like plastic. 

“Sure thing, Rose-Cunt,” I said overly pleasantly. Rose-Count laughed again and Mia widened his eyes in a scared warning. 

“Oh, you think you’re sharp, don’t you?” Rose-Count said, I yawned and relaxed against the goon holding me. He tightened his grip around my arm but didn’t move. 

“Sure,” I said, Rose-Count’s smile widened.

“Mmm, I’ll deal with you when I’m done here,” Rose-Count said, I rolled my eyes and looked at the door pretending to be bored until Rose-Count stopped looking. Then I glanced between Mia and Cal. They’d both resumed their previous positions. Rose-Count lifted his knife again. 

“Where do you think I should start, Cal? There’s going to be a lot of ground to cover, maybe I’ll start with an ear” Rose-Count said dragging the knife over Cals face. Cal didn’t react and just kept glaring. I clenched my fists and bit down on my tongue. _Cal has a plan. Cal has a plan. Cal has a plan._

“I think I’m going to start right–” he paused and sliced the knife across the bridge of Cal’s nose. “– _here,_ ” he finished, Cal hissed in pain and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before he collected himself and glared back at Rose-Count. Blood was leaking from the deep cut, it poured down over his mouth and onto the front of his shirt. My own nose ached for Cal’s.

“Maybe…” Rose-Count mused, “...here,” he added, slicing a long slow cut across Cal’s cheek. Cal’s cheek twitched and more blood bubbled up and fell, sliding down his face. Cal kept on not reacting, but Mia couldn’t help it. 

“ _Stop–”_ Mia tried, but Rose-Count snapped his fingers and the two goons by him grabbed his arms and covered his mouth with a hand. Cal struggled against his own goons and snarled.

“ _Get your hands off him–_ ”one of the goons holding Cal slapped a hand over his mouth and muffled the rest of his threat. Rose-Count laughed. 

“Oh, wow, more reaction to a simple grab than you getting your face slashed into? Well, this is about to get fun,” Rose-Count said as he stood up and made his way over to Mia. Cal struggled against the goons, but they held fast.

It was right then that I realized Cals entire plan had been to keep Rose-Count distracted from Mia. 

I made a mental note to never let Cal make plans again.

Rose-Count had reached Mia, knife in hand, and he grabbed Mia’s chin and tilted his head back. 

“You know, maybe I’ll cut out his eyes first, Cal. Eyes are surprisingly easy to remove, all you have to do is cut that little cord in the back and then scoop them out,” Rose-Count said, cutting just above Mia’s eyebrow. Mia shivered, but his eyes were pinned to the ceiling and glazed over. Cal was growling now, and the goons were having to wrap their arms around him to keep him seated. 

“I mean, there’s so much I could do. And, we could probably go on for hours, just–” he cut a slice across Mia’s cheek. “–cutting and–” he cut again, Cal was yelling against the hand over his mouth, I felt rooted to the spot. Completely frozen in terror, “–cutting, I mean, this isn’t even as bad as it has been, is it _Mia_?” When Mia didn’t respond Rose-Count sliced his blade in an arc that cut open Mia’s right bicep. It sliced through the jean material and blood began soaking into the jacket. Mia yelped and I felt my entire body tense. Cal was snarling and struggling against his goons. Rose-Count grabbed Mia’s chin and jerked his face up. “Don’t look like a frightened dog, you did this to yourself. You think I enjoy doing this?” he hissed. Then seemed to collect himself. 

“We could go on for hours. And–the world’s ending, so I don’t even have to get creative and hide the scars,” Rose-Count said, his smile was back and it had my blood boiling and freezing in a way that made me want to rip off every inch of my skin and let my blood drain from my veins. 

That was the breaking point. Everything inside me snapped and the lid melted off the top of the container I’d taped before. All other emotions leaked out my nose and nothing besides an intense, hot, anger buzzed in my ears. My eyes dropped to the gun that Rose-Count had left on the chair he’d been occupying and then back up to Rose-Count.

“Hey, Kevin, you should go fuck yourself with a chainsaw and then bathe in lemon juice,” I growled, he turned his gaze on me and I held it.

“Who are you again?” he asked, I twisted my lips into a smile. It felt humorless and wrong, but I could have sworn Rose-Count’s face twitched. Even just the thought alone was encouraging enough for me to keep it up.

“You don’t even recognize your own family?” I asked, he furrowed his brows and I laughed. It felt like it was being ripped from my lungs and I had to swallow the urge to gag. “How can you manage to run a mob when you can’t even remember a face?” I asked, “I’m surprised anyone respects you. I mean, all you spend your time doing is bullying children,” I said, Rose-Count’s jaw flexed and he dropped his hands off Mia and was in front of me in a flash.

“You do not know your place, _child,_ ” he hissed, I didn’t bother with a reply, instead I just judo flipped the goon holding me on top of Rose-Cunt. I’ve never been so thankful for the clique cop-dad self defense training I pushed through. They both collapsed and I rolled over them and grabbed the gun out of the chair. I shot at the goons holding Cal without thinking. One bullet managed to hit one of the goons in the side but the other missed completely. It was enough for Cal to shove the bulleted one off him and bite down on the hand of the other. He bit down so hard I heard bones crunch and I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my lips as the goon shrieked in pain. 

I turned back around and pressed the gun against Rose-Count’s head. Cal scrambled away from the goons that had been holding him and threw a punch at the ones holding Mia. They both dropped Mia, and Cal caught him and glared around the room savagely, he had the knife Rose-Count had dropped and he looked ready to stab the life out of anyone who came too close. There was blood on his mouth and his eyes looked wild. Mia looked shell shocked and he wasn’t moving, just staring at me with wide eyes. I ignored them both.

“You’re going to tell your goons to leave,” I said calmly, Rose-Count glared at me and struggled under the dead weight of the goon on top of him. “ _Now,_ ” I added when he didn’t do anything, and Rose-Count’s nostrils flared. The goon on top of him twitched and without thinking I stood up and kicked the goons head as hard as I could. He went limp on top of Rose-Count, and I crouched down again and pressed the gun hard into Rose-Counts head. 

“Do you have a hearing problem?” I asked, still smiling.

“ _Leave,_ ” Rose-Count snarled. My smile widened and I watched out of the corner of my eye as the goons left. I pulled out my phone and checked the screen. 

Homie: Where are you??

Homie: I’m outside? Should I come in?

Ash: Don’t come in we’re headed your way get ready to book it

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and smiled a last smile at Rose-Count before I stood up and looked back over at Mia and Cal. 

“Ready to go? Aatami’s waiting,” I said. Mia was watching me like I was the most horrifying and brilliant thing in the world, and Cal was looking at me like he couldn’t figure something out. 

“ _Ha_ , apparently Kenya got the good child,” Rose-Count said, his breathing was restricted so he sounded strained, I slowly turned around and squatted down. “That bitch, she left me with the brat,” My smile dropped and I aimed the gun roughly where I thought his dick was. 

“You feeling like shutting up? Or do I have to shoot around until I find your baby maker?” I asked, he paled and I laughed.

“Well, that was easy,” I said, then I leaned close to his face. “If you so much as _think_ about Mia ever again, I will personally unload a clip into your dick,” I said, Rose-Count scowled weakly at me and I stood up. “I hope you know that both of your children are better than you’ll ever be,” I said, and then I walked out the doorway, assuming Cal and Mia would follow me. 

They did.


	14. Reminder: Remember

**I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to throttle Kennedy Mioka.**

“Cal, you’re not allowed to kill your foster father,” I watched Ana sign. I rolled my eyes, we were facetiming. She looked like she was in her bedroom in the house and I was sitting on my bed in the cramped dorm room I shared with a dumbass whose name I hadn’t bothered to learn. Kennedy had decided to storm through and threaten to shut off the internet if I didn’t keep my grades up. Thankfully, Ana had shooed him out, because if it had been possible I would have reached through the screen and strangled him. 

“I don’t need your permission,” I signed back, she raised a brow. It was a pretty shit lie. Somehow, Ana Mioka had managed to become one of the only adults I actually respected.

“What you do need to do is actually tutor with the tutor I hired for you.” 

“I have been, why do you think my grades are so good right now?” I asked, then tried not to think about how last time I’d had a tutoring session, I’d bribed my roommate to give me the room and then when Mia got there I’d gotten very interested in anatomy. It was pretty hard not to have the image of him with messed hair, flushed cheeks, and half closed eyes pop into my head. Or the dumb way right before that particular sight, when he scowled as he talked and scrunched up his face around his nose while he gushed about something involving World War I.

We were supposed to be studying for the test on the causes of the war, I hadn’t listened to any of the lectures our teachers had been giving because I didn’t care about the war a bunch of dumb white guys started. I was supposed to be listening to Mia talk about someone named Franz Ferdinand, but I’d gotten way too caught up in staring at the different ways he twisted his face and waved his hands around while he was talking. He barely looked at me, instead rambling on to the walls around me and speaking at a million miles per hour and I couldn’t get myself to stop staring. 

Then the dumbass had cut himself off and blushed all the way down his neck as he apologized for talking for so long. I hadn’t even noticed. I pride myself on self control, but I’m definitely not as steel gripped as I thought I was.

“Is it still that one cute boy? I only saw his profile picture.” I schooled my features. 

“I didn’t realize being deaf also made you a mind reader,” I signed, and she laughed. 

Ana Mioka was a tall woman. She towered over just about everyone, even when she wasn’t wearing her signature seven inch red heels. She had her brown hair cut short in a bob just below her chin, and she wore exclusively sweatpants and a ratty band t-shirt or her business suits. She had blue eyes with crows feet starting at the corners, and a frown line in the middle of her forehead. She’d gotten all her money through some clean fuel alternative that I couldn’t be bothered to look into, and her husband–Kennedy Mioka–lived off of her like a leech. He was a pretty unlucky archeologist. Him and Ana had been a couple since high school, and they did get along surprisingly well for having been married for so many years, but I couldn’t stand Kennedy. 

“I’m not a mind reader, I just know a little about hormones,” Ana signed with a laugh. I rolled my eyes at her. 

“Well, nothing’s going to happen anyways,” I lied. Mia and I had been dating since second semester–last year. We’d been keeping it a secret so far though, and as much as I wanted to gush to Ana about him, I’d promised I wouldn’t tell anyone. 

“I seriously doubt that,” Ana signed with a raised brow. “Your grades are solid C’s Cal,” 

“That’s better than last year,” I signed with a disinterested shrug. She rolled her eyes. 

“Anything’s better than last year, and I know you’re smart, so you should try actually trying,” she preached. I sighed. “You’re smart, and if you put in a little effort, you’d do well.” She had a stern look on her face and the crease between her brows deepened. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I signed with an eye roll. She pursed her lips and shook her head. 

“I’m being serious Cal.” 

“Whatever, school is boring,” I signed, she sighed again. 

Suddenly the door to my dorm opened and I signed a quick goodbye to Ana before closing my laptop. I smelled my roommate before I saw him. The stench of cigarettes made my arms itch and my stomach roll uncomfortably. I pulled my hoodie down to stop myself from scratching at the burn scars and swallowed the nausea threatening to resurrect my lunch.

“Mmm, hey–” the guy said as he stumbled past and landed on his bed. “That one guy’s looking for you,” he mumbled into his pillow. I rolled my eyes.

“What ‘one guy’?” I snapped, the guy made a vague gesture with his hand.

“The cheerleader, the–” then he stopped himself from using some slur. Last time he had while talking about Mia, I’d broken his nose. “–Yeah,” he finished half heartedly. I got up off the bed and tucked my laptop into my backpack. 

“Where?” 


	15. She Tries to Throw Up Her Feelings (Literally) And Cal Keeps a Promise

**As soon as we all were out of the door, and I had closed it and locked it, I slumped over against the wall.** All of my energy was drained, and I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. Cal tried to grab my arm but I shoved him off. Left over anger from the room was still buzzing through my skull and making everything and everyone feel infuriating. I pulled off Uncle B’s sweater and tossed it at Cal, gesturing to his face. He clenched his jaw but pressed the hoodie to his bleeding face. It was makeshift, but it would work, it was also the closest thing to an apology I could muster.

“Let’s just get out of here,” I muttered. I squeezed the gun, and then realized I’d dropped it. I leaned down to grab it, using the wall for support, and my head flared up in pain. I winced and snatched the gun up before marching towards the staircase, head pounding harder with every step. Mia and Cal followed close behind as we rushed down the curving staircase to the main floor of the house. 

Well, it was more of a mansion than a house, and I was purposefully trying to not look around at it. Everytime I moved my eyes knives stabbed my temples. I _did_ notice the too bright outside world that was shining through huge front glass doors. There was suddenly a bang that echoed through my head and made my vision go blurry. I recovered myself in time to swing my arms up and point the gun at Rose-Count as he leaned over the railing. He was seething, and I probably would have smiled if the thought of smiling didn’t send more nails into my skull.

“Mika!” Rose-Count hollered down and Mia froze. It seemed mostly out of habit than as an actual reaction though, but his feet still stayed planted to the floor as Cal tried to tug him away. “You know what happens if you walk out that door,” Rose-Count said, I rolled my eyes, then cursed myself at the pain it caused.

“Go eat a bowl of dicks you rotting bag of prunes!” I shouted up, then instantly regretted it as the pounding in my head got worse. I tightened my grip on the gun to try and hide the shaking. Vaguely I could hear Cal saying something.

“Don’t do this Mika,” Rose-Count said from the top of the stairs. 

“Mia, _Mia–look at me_. Look at me, ok?” Cal was saying, I glanced back enough to see Mia raise his shaky gaze to meet Cal’s eyes. “I won’t let him touch you,” Cal promised, he was still holding Uncle B’s hoodie to his face, and it was already soaked in blood. 

“But what about you and–” Mia tried, he sounded terrified. It was enough to put a fire in my gut that steadied my hands and I re-aimed at Rose-Count, who had been sneaking down the stairs. I glared and shook my head, he froze, still scowling at me. I held his glare. 

“Mia, I’ll do everything I can so that he never touches you again. That means I won’t let him hurt me, or Ash, or Koda, or Kenya,” Cal was saying, my gut roiled at the last two names and I swallowed a remark about them not deserving protection. 

“Cal, please I can’t make you do this–” Mia tried again, he sounded close to tears and I glared more intensely at Rose-Count–who was still pinned under my gun halfway down the huge staircase. 

“You aren’t forcing me to do anything, I’m choosing this,” Cal said, his voice hadn’t softened, he still sounded as intense as always, “ok?” he asked, Mia sucked in a breath and nodded, he shifted his feet and glanced back at his father on the staircase. Cal’s hand darted out and pulled Mia’s chin back so he couldn’t see. Then Cal dropped his hand as fast as he’d shot it out. “Look at me, not at him,” Cal said.

“Mika–” Rose-Count started to say, I tightened my hands around the gun.

“What the _fuck_ did I warn you about up there?” I asked, my voice sounded dangerous in my own ears. I was balancing so precariously on the edge of whatever self control I had, and one more word from Rose-Count was going to send me flying into de-dicking territory. Luckily for Kevin, he shut his mouth. I turned back in time to see Cal leaning in and whispering something in Mia’s ear, Mia furrowed his brow.

“What?” he asked, blushing a little. Cal smiled–it was only half convincing, but it seemed like it was working.

“Can I, or do you not want me to?” Cal asked, Mia was still furrowing his brow.

“You… can…?” he said, and Cal grinned. He grabbed Mia, dipped him, kissed him, and then threw up his hand in a middle finger to Rose-Count. I burst out laughing, until I noticed the other goons that had started creeping out of the shadows while we’d been distracted. I dropped the gun and grabbed Cal’s collar, pulling both him and Mia up and dragging them out of the building. 

I spotted Aatami’s cherry red Chevelle in the parking lot across from the building and I ran. I ran so fast it didn’t feel like I was breathing. Cal and Mia were half stumbling half running behind me, and Aatami popped up out of the car as we approached.

“Get back in go! GO!” I screamed as I threw myself into the passenger's seat, Cal and Mia both slammed into the backseat and the doors shut, Aatami peeled out of the parking lot and didn’t let his foot relax on the gas until the Rose-Count whore house was completely out of sight and far behind us. He kept twisting down different roads and just driving. We passed a sign saying we were back in Oregon and I let the exhaustion take over, and I passed out. 

I haven’t had a lot of dreams in my life. When I was little, I used to dream about dinosaurs, but other than that most of my sleep was just dark. A relief from my regularly scheduled life. And I was used to falling asleep without meaning to–just keeling over. I’d come to expect not having dreams, this wasn’t different.

This time, I didn’t have a dream–or maybe I did and I just don’t remember what happened. All I know is that I woke up with fear cutting off my air and terror forcing bile into my mouth. 

“Pull over,” I managed to snap, Aatami–being the saint that he is–swerved to the side of some dirt road we’d been driving down without hesitating. I opened the door and bailed out of the car before it even stopped and immediately threw up everything that had ever been in my stomach ever. I’m talking memory of dino nuggets from first grade _everything_. I vomited until it felt like my entire chest cavity had been thrown up and my throat was sore. My head was pounding and my throat burned and I couldn’t get a full breath of air. Aatami had appeared beside me at some point. I think he was holding my hair for me. 

I couldn’t tell. Suddenly I couldn’t even tell if the ground was beneath me and I rolled over, my stomach–evidently still in my gut–rolled the other way and I clutched my gut and then my throat and then my chest and then I balled my hands up in my hair and pulled. I was crying, I didn’t remember starting, but there were tears streaking down my face and my breathing was ragged. 

“Ash–Ash–Ash–” Aatami was saying my name over and over and he sounded like he was trying to talk to me through a dog. 

_Outside of a dog, books are a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read._

I choked out a hysterical laugh as I remembered the quote. Dad used to tell it to me, used to write it on chalkboards when we went to look for my first kindergarten. He would draw it on his arms in paint and write it on the walls in crayon when we were putting new wallpaper on. He told me I could put whatever I wanted under it, because then, if someone decides to change the paper, they’d get a surprise. I drew him, mom, Uncle B and me. 

My mind wandered from that memory and contorted into all the things that might have been happening to Mia while I was having my childhood. Then to the images of Cal and Aatami bleeding out in some nondescript parking lot. I snapped my eyes open and sat up fast–faster than I should have because my head spun. Aatami’s hands were on my back and I leaned into them. But then they felt like so much—too much. I shoved him away and curled tighter on myself. He was saying something but my world was made of cotton balls and wax.

_He’s going to be dead. His hands won’t be this warm, they’ll be cold. Cold because he’ll be dead. Or there won’t be anything left of him. Maybe Cal will get smashed under a building. Mia’ll probably be burned alive. This is what you wanted. You wanted the end of the world. You wanted death. You selfish brat._

I shoved my knuckles into my mouth and bit down against a scream that was building in the back of my throat. Aatami’s voice was getting farther and farther away. I think I was rocking. Then suddenly I was standing, and then running. I was sprinting across a clearing, I kept running, I ran through a small wooded area before I broke out onto a beach. I tripped and stumbled, falling and rolling all the way down the beach until I was lying face down in the water. There was sand and salt in my eyes and teeth and I held my breath until my lungs burned as much as my throat did. Suddenly there were hands on my shoulders that pulled me out of the water and dragged me onto the hot, sandy beach.

I gasped for air and stared up at the blue sky for a moment. Someone grabbed my wrists and held them over my face. Without the hoodie I could see the pale scars. _No bandages, just scars. No bandages, just scars. No bandages, just scars._

My head was in Aatami’s lap and it was Cal holding my arms over me. I pulled my arms away from Cal as a rush of emotions came flooding back into me. The anger fizzled out and every other emotion I’d ever felt took its place. I flipped over and hugged Aatami’s waist and sobbed and laughed into him. He wrapped his arms around me and kept whispering things in my hair I didn’t hear. 

I don’t know how long it had been, but it felt like hours before I finally calmed down enough to breathe like a normal person. At some point I think I fell asleep, because when I woke up Cal and Mia were gone and the sky was starting to darken. Aatami was asleep, still curled around me and I slowly sat up, untangling myself from him as gently as I could. My entire body felt stiff, and my eyes were puffy. My throat was raw but my breathing had evened out a little. There was sand everywhere and my arm was asleep from it being trapped under Aatami. My attempts to not wake up Aatami had apparently been in vain, because as soon as I started sliding my arm out from under him, he jolted awake. 

He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Hey,” he managed, I hugged my knees to my chest next to him and looked out over the water. The waves were lapping against the beach and the tide had come up a ways. I matched my breathing to the ebb and flow of the water. “Cal and Mia went to get some food,” he explained, I nodded. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, I meant it about everything. I meant it about this whole situation and dragging him into the deal with Cal and stealing him away from his Baba and expecting him to be as detached as I was. He’d told me he wanted to see his Baba before the end of the world, and I’d brushed over it. I’d just expected Aatami not to care about anything with me. He’d dropped his entire life to follow a stranger across the state and I hadn’t even given him the respect to care about what he wanted.

“It’s alright, Cal told me a little of what happened, so it makes sense,” Aatami said softly. It took me a moment to remember that I hadn’t said all of that out loud. I wondered what Cal had told him. _How much_ Cal had told him, I sniffed and managed a watery laugh, and then my face hardened.

“No, it’s not alright. I’m sorry that I expected you to drop everything and follow me. You’re going to see your Baba before the end of the world. I’m sorry Aatami,” I said, and I looked over and met his eyes. Aatami sighed. 

“Thanks, but, it’s also my fault. It’s not all you, I have a bad habit of not thinking things through and then blaming others for my non-decision making,” he said with a bitter laugh. I furrowed my brow.

“I guess it takes two to tango,” I said, Aatami nodded. “I’m serious though, I’m sorry I was a selfish bitch, and I get it if you’re mad or you don’t want to be my boyfriend,” Aatami laughed, and I punched his shoulder playfully. “I’m being serious here, man,” I said with a small smile, Aatami muffled his laughing with his hand.

“I know, I know, it’s just, it’s weird being with someone who takes responsibility, I should take notes from you,” he said, I smiled.

“You should. Be more selfish, it’s good for the soul, just don’t be a cunt who can’t even respect her boyfriends wants and needs,” I said. I sounded like Uncle B. Aatami smiled. 

“Sounds good to me,” he said.

“We could leave tonight,” I blurted after a moment, Aatami blinked. “To see your gra–Baba,” I clarified, “I was being honest, you’re going to see your Baba before the world ends.” Aatami smiled at me. 

“That would be nice,” he admitted.

“We could probably get to at least Eugene, or even Salem tonight,” I said, Aatami nodded.

“We’ll have to camp somewhere, because she takes sleeping pills and won’t be up until eight,” he said, I raised a brow and Aatami laughed and looked out over the water. “She hates them, but she’ll hate it even more if we show up before she’s up,” he said.

“Ok, it’s a plan, then,” I said, Aatami nodded and we looked out over the water for a moment. I laughed suddenly.

“You heard what happened in the house from Cal? That’s got to have been a pretty one sided account,” I said, Aatami laughed with me. 

“Yeah, I think it was pretty accurate though,” he said. I risked a glance at him. 

His hair was sticking up at odd angles from sleeping on the beach, and he had sand sprinkled all over him. He was watching me with his gray eyes, they were full of pity and I forced myself not to hate him for it. I looked away from him.

“I don’t want your pity,” I said to the water. 

“Ash, I don’t pity you,” he said, “I worry, there’s a difference,” he added, I sniffled again.

“Most people call it sympathy.”

“You can’t sympathize with something you don’t understand,” he said softly. I thought about that. He was right, but that stupid, perfect, son of a bitch had just managed to sum up and describe my entire hatred of pity in one stupid, perfect sentence. I laughed. 

“God, you sound like a fucking fortune cookie,” Aatami laughed with me and I leaned my head on his shoulder. We both looked out over the water and watched as the sun set and lit the sky on fire. I wondered if that was what the end of the world would look like. A huge sunset, burning up the entire sky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so... I'm pretty sure you can sympathize with someone without having lived their circumstance but akdjf;asjk I was a stupid 15 year old who thought it was deep leave her alone al;dskfj


	16. She Takes a Page From Alyssa and James

**I think it’s pretty fitting that we broke into a house.** Very _‘End of the F*cking World_ ,’ which I think is decently pertinent. Except that the world _was_ ending, and none of us had murderous tendencies. I think. Cal might. I do think that Cal and Mia were both wondering if I might. They’d both seen me in the Rose-Count house. 

I had added it to my list of do-not-thinks, along with Rose-Count, and the fact that he was probably going to hunt us down. My list was getting long.

We’d made it all the way to Salem before Aatami had pulled over. We all decided not to get a hotel, instead Cal picked the lock on a house we thought was cool. It looked like some rich pricks summer home, and I doubted they’d care if we borrowed it for a second with the world ending. I flopped down on the couch and summoned Aatami to come sit with me, so we were curled up, chatting about nothing. Cal had disappeared into the kitchen with Mia. I heard and smelled cooking but I couldn’t tell what Cal was cooking, and I didn’t want to get up from the couch to find out in case it wasn’t only cooking he was doing with Mia. 

It was kind of funny, I couldn’t tell if the protectiveness I was feeling for Mia was because he was my brother, or if it was just a side effect of hanging out around Cal for so long. It was probably both, but I had a very persuasive urge to demand that Mia never kiss until he was thirty. 

Aatami and I had hung out on the beach for a long time. I told him that Mia was my brother, and I told him what happened in Rose-Counts house. He listened to me the whole time, and then he’d told me about his Baba, and how Cannon had found him bouncing around the foster system when he was little and tracked down his Baba. Then our conversation died off contentedly and we just silently stared at the sunset until it was gone. 

Mia and Cal came back, both sporting properly bandaged faces. Cal had gotten me trailmix that didn’t have raisins in it, and when I pointed it out he had growled something about not noticing. We had all piled into the car and drove until we got to Salem and Aatami pulled over. 

The house was big, with an open first floor that had two rooms leading off, one a bedroom I assumed and the other the kitchen. The whole back of the house was made of glass windows that overlooked the beach, and there was a staircase leading upstairs. I hadn’t even been up there, and wasn’t planning on it. The huge tv that was mounted in the wall across from the couch was on, there was some tv show playing that I think Aatami had put on. Neither of us were really watching it.

“Wait, we were in _Creswell?_ ” Aatami asked, he was smiling and twisting his fingers around in my hair. I grinned back at him, my hoodie was gone, and it was cold so I’d wrapped us both in a blanket. 

“I know! I would have said something, but I didn’t know you’d read them,” I said, Aatami laughed, his hand stilled in my hair.

“Read them? I used to _worship_ those books,” Aatami said, we both laughed. I felt Aatami’s laugh in my chest and it made me want to keep making him laugh.

“Favorite character?” I asked, Aatami squinted his eyes thoughtfully at the ceiling.

“Probably a tie between Iko and Wolf,” he said, I snorted. “What?” he asked, feigning hurt and I laughed more.

“It’s just perfect,” I said, he rolled his eyes.

“Ok your turn, favorite character?” I didn’t even hesitate.

“Throne,” He raised a brow.

“Really? I would have guessed Scarlet.” I nodded.

“Well, obviously, but _Thorne,_ ” I said, because just saying _Thorne_ explained my reasoning perfectly, Aatami nodded back at me approvingly. “Ok, favorite ship?” I asked, Aatami made a pained face.

“Do I have to pick?” he asked, I laughed.

“Favorite friendship?” 

“Definitely Thorne and Cinder.” 

“Same, but I also love Scarlet and Winter.”

“True,” he agreed, and our conversation drifted off contently. I let my attention wander to the tv. It was some documentary about the ocean, an off brand David Attenborough was narrating as sharks and swordfish swam tight circles around a school of fish. 

Cal and Mia wandered out of the kitchen, and Cal all but threw bowls of pasta at me and Aatami. I raised a brow as Cal sat down in the loveseat next to us with Mia and his own food. Mia sat on the loveseat with his legs crossed beneath him and Cal leaned against the arm of the chair with his legs in Mia’s lap. 

“You can cook? I thought that was just something for the poor and needy,” I said, Cal glared at me.

“You would know,” he said, I laughed and twirled noodles on my fork. It actually tasted amazing. Like garlic and oil and salt. 

“It’s Pasta Aglio e Olio,” Mia said, he was smiling and I noticed a hickey poking up over his collar. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I went back to my food, the only reason I didn’t inhale it was because I’d already inhaled the bulk bag of trailmix that Cal had gotten me.

“So, anyone got any last day plans?” Aatami asked, Cal swallowed a bite of his food.

“I think I’ve had enough adventure,” he said, Aatami and I smiled. Mia was looking at his pasta, I’d only see him take one bite, but he was convincingly stirring it around like he was looking for his next bite. I got a weird sense of deja vu, and I handed my bowl of noodles to Aatami. He furrowed his brows at me questioningly but I waved him off and untangled myself from him, instantly feeling colder. I ignored it.

“Hey, Mia, can you come chat with me upstairs?” I asked, he snapped his head up at me and nodded slowly. Cal moved his legs so that Mia could get up and glared at me in a silent warning that I returned to him.

Mia followed me up the staircase and then into a large room that was probably an office. There was a desk too clean to have been used regularly and a couple of potted plants that looked fake. I closed the door behind us, then changed my mind and left it open a crack. 

“So…” I said, suddenly feeling awkward and not knowing how to start the conversation I was trying to have. I didn’t even know _which_ conversation I was trying to have. Usually I was on the receiving end of the depression talks, and I’d thought I was an only child until this morning.

“Is it true? That you’re my sister?” Mia asked quietly, he was fidgeting with the sleeve of his jacket and not meeting my eyes. I nodded.

“I found out this morning,” I said, he nodded back at me.

“I um, I–”

“I’m sorry for my–for Kenya and Koda, I’m sorry for what they did to you,” I said, the words just kind of spilled out and Mia furrowed his brows and looked me in my eyes. 

“What do you mean?” he asked and I sucked in a breath.

“They abandoned you, it wasn’t fair and you didn’t deserve it,” I said, Mia chewed on his lip. A curl of the anger I’d felt before snuck into my thoughts and Mia dropped his eyes instantly. 

I realized then that the reason why Uncle B and my Mom hadn’t been able to look at me wasn’t because I disappointed them, it was because I looked like Kevin. I dropped my gaze to the floor. 

“Koda tried, he tried to help me. I told him not to anymore,” Mia said, I furrowed my brow.

“What do you mean?” I asked, Mia swallowed.

“He used to pick me up from school and we would go places for lunch. He’s done it since I was in kindergarten. And one time he tried to take me away, he took me to a police officer, I think his name was Nicholas, and he tried to help me. But I was only away for a couple of days before father found me and took me back.” Mia stopped talking for a moment and kept his eyes on the floor. They looked distant, and I knew he was relieving the memory. “My father told me he killed the officer, and so I told Koda to stop trying to take me away.”

I swallowed thickly and blinked at Mia. 

“It wasn’t his fault–Koda’s, so don’t blame him–and we still have lunches. I just couldn’t let more people get hurt because of me,” Mia said, then he laughed sadly. “Then I met Cal,” I forced myself to laugh with him. Forced myself to be ok. I tucked the revelation that Mia had just given me in a box that I labeled _‘Explanation’_ and I threw it into a hole. 

“Last year I tried to kill myself,” I started, I showed him my arms and he looked at them and then watched me. “When they announced the end of the world I was so excited because I was too afraid to try with the knife again. I thought this would be an easy out, but now, now I’m terrified for the end of the world,” I confessed, my soul felt raw saying it out loud, and Mia watched me carefully. Something was in his eyes but I couldn’t tell what it was. 

“Father… he didn’t want me to date, he doesn’t like things he can’t control and I told myself I wouldn’t ever try. I mean with father–and what I was doing–” he cut himself off and took a breath before moving on, “But I met Cal and I just–” he took another stabilizing breath, “I thought I could hide it, or just end it before it got too big. And Cal was so nice, he didn’t force me into things and he stopped when I told him to. But I got too comfortable,” he explained, I stayed quiet and let him collect himself before he continued. 

“He–” he laughed, “He’d just finished that stupid race, I don’t remember which one it was, but he just came running over and asked if he could kiss me. I mean, he _asked_ , and I just couldn’t help myself, and I said yes. I completely forgot about the fact that I was kissing him in front of the whole school, and the fact that there were cameras watching Calia _Mioka’s_ track meet. They took pictures and it was plastered on the cover of magazines because he’s Calia Mioka. And my father found out, and we had to move before anyone could look into me and discover to much,” Mia said, he was still watching the floor but his hands had gone still. 

“I had to go back to pack up my things, because the school I’d been going to was a boarding school, I avoided Cal, I couldn’t–” Mia choked up and I felt the urge to go over and hug him, but I kept my feet planted. “I begged my father not to hurt him, I tried to tell him that going after Cal would only draw more attention, and that it wasn’t worth it, I finally convinced him, but Cal managed to find where the house Father and I had been staying at and it was so lucky that I got the door and not father. I had to make him go away and I–” Mia broke down, I reached him in two steps and held out my arms in a hug. I waited for him to lean into me and then I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed. 

“Mia, you shouldn’t have had to go through that,” I said, “And Cal doesn’t hate you, for anything. I don’t think it’s possible for him to,” I promised, Mia cried harder and I held him tighter. I let him cry on my shoulder and hoped this was at least a start for all the shit I’d missed. I’d missed my little brothers whole life, and now I was never going to have enough time to make all that up. I felt an ache in my chest, and Mia suddenly pulled back. His eyes were puffy and wide and I saw panic in them.

“I have to go back, I have to–” he said, making a break for the door and I grabbed his arm impulsively. He went completely still and tense in my grip and I realized my mistake too late. I let go fast and he backed against the wall fast, eyes not leaving me.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” I said quickly, making sure I stayed back. I took a careful step toward the door and I pushed it all the way open. He watched me with fear slicked eyes from against the wall. 

“Mia, you can leave, if that’s what you want, I won’t stop you. I promise, ok?” I said, keeping my voice down. I knew if I wasn’t careful I’d get Cal’s attention, if he thought something was wrong he’d be up here in and instant, and I didn’t think Mia could handle that right now. “But if you leave I can’t promise that Cal won’t go looking for you,” I continued. Mia wasn’t relaxing, “Mia, it isn’t going to change anything if you go back. I know it seems better but Rose– _Kevin_ won’t let Cal get off a second time. He’s going to be angry, and take his anger out on you, and then he’s going to find Cal and do the same,” I said, Mia looked more panicked and I changed tactics. “But, if you stay with us, we can protect you and ourselves. If we’re together we have a better chance against him than you do alone. Ok? It won’t do any good to go back now,” I said. He started breathing again, I hadn’t even noticed he’d stopped. 

“He’s going to find me, he’s going to hurt Cal, and you, and–” Mia sunk down to the floor and pressed his forehead into his knees. I sighed with relief.

“I’m going to walk toward you,” I said, he tensed but didn’t stop me so I took a couple careful steps towards him and then crouched down. “It’s not your fault if he comes, ok? It’s my fault and Cal’s fault and Aatami’s fault, we are _choosing_ to stay with you, you warned us and we know that it might be dangerous, but we aren’t going to leave you. If you go back to him, there’s nothing that’s going to stop Cal and I from finding you,” I said.

“I don’t know what you’re going through, and I can’t pretend I know what to say, but you are safer with us than you are going back to him,” I said softly, Mia was shaking.

“You can’t protect yourself from him,” Mia said, his voice was so sure that my heart shatter and then my blood boiled. 

“Can I hold your arm?” I asked, he shook his head and I put my arm down but he still tensed up like he was expecting me to anyways. “Then I won’t. Mia, Cal and I can handle ourselves. We got away from Kevin today, didn’t we?” I said, he relaxed a little. 

“He still hurt Cal,” he said, his voice was muffled by his knees.

“And Cal’s fine now. He made dinner for christ’s sake,” I said, trying to inject some humor into the situation. Mia laughed a broken sounding laugh. “You know Kevin wouldn’t have gotten close enough to talk if Cal hadn’t wanted him to.”

“That’s because he’s stupid and stubborn,” he said, I laughed.

“That’s true,” I amended, Mia picked his head up and focused on my nose. “The other day he sprained his wrist and I still had to forcefully stop him from strangling a guy,” I said, Mia laughed tearfully and wiped his eyes. “The guy totally deserved it though, I would have let him if his wrist hadn’t been hurt,” I said and Mia laughed again, this time it sounded less watery and my smile widened.

“I’m sorry,” Mia said, I sighed.

“Mia, we all know what we’re getting into by protecting you, and if we cared, we would have said something about it. Especially Cal, he’s stubborn and the most blunt person I’ve ever met,” I said, Mia nodded and gave me a shaky smile. I smiled back. 

“Thank you,” he said finally and I smiled brighter. 

“Thank you, this is all just me returning the favor, you put up with my mental breakdown,” I said, and he smiled wider. 

“That was kind of my–”

“Ah–”

“I’m just sa–”

“Nope.”

“It’s just–”

“I’m not listening,” I said, plugging my ears and humming. Mia laughed and I laughed. I had no idea and a complete understanding of how Cal managed to fall for him all at once. 

“It’s a little weird having a sister, especially one that’s best friends with my boyfriend,” Mia confessed, wrinkling his nose. I laughed and then got mockingly serious.

“That’s older sister to you and you better not have sex until your eighty, the fact that you guys kiss has you on thin fucking ice,” I teased, Mia laughed and then bit his lip.

“Actually, I’m asexual,” He said, I raised a brow. 

“Oh, perfect,” I said, and his shoulders sagged in what looked like relief.

“What? Did you think I was going to be mad about the fact that you don’t like sex?” I asked, we both laughed. “I don’t have to give Cal the shovel talk, do I?” I asked, Mia giggled.

“From what I’ve seen, I think you’re the only person on the planet who could give it to him and not end up with a shovel in your head,” he said. We both laughed again.

“Ok, let’s go eat, our aliogoloio’s getting cold,” I said, Mia smiled.

“Aglio e olio, you were close,” he said and we both laughed.


	17. She Feels the Warm Fuzzies

**Mia and I returned just in time.** Cal looked four seconds away from storming up after us and Aatami shot me a relieved look. I smiled casually and dramatically curled back on the couch around Aatami. He was warm and the blanket was soft and I wrapped my arms around his waist and let my head rest on his shoulder. I had my back to the couch so I could face the TV and Cal and Mia. I let my eyes droop and my head relax on Aatami, I was suddenly feeling drained and sleepy. It probably had something to do with the emotional breakdowns and stressful situations I’d been going through.

Cal took one second to take in Mia’s puffy eyes and watery smile and then he glared daggers at me. I knew vaguely that if I had been anyone else, the daggers would not have been metaphorical. I could almost feel the rubberband thin string of trust Cal had with me being pulled uncomfortably taunt. Aatami wrapped his arms around me and pressed a kiss to my temple that made my guts turn to mush. 

“Everything go alright?” he whispered into my hair. I nodded and curled closer to him. 

“We just had to work some stuff out,” I said back, loud enough for Cal to hear. I kissed Aatami and smiled before resting my head back down and closing my eyes.

“Mm, oh yeah, Mia, this is my boyfriend Aatami, Aatami this is my brother Mia,” I introduced, opening my eyes enough to see Mia and Aatami smile at each other and any worries I’d had about them getting along fly out the window.

“Nice to finally, properly, meet you,” Aatami said.

“Yeah, you too,” Mia said, Aatami and I laughed and Mia smiled wider. “I don’t know if I should threaten you or not,” Mia said teasingly, and I shook my head.

“Uh-uh, that’s my job. Speaking of—Cal, I will not hesitate to murder you if you do anything to Mia that I don’t like,” I said, Cal rolled his eyes and tried to hide a smile. I noticed Cal tapping Mia’s knee and he laughed and nodded. 

“Depends on what you don’t like,” he said deviously as he leaned in and kissed Mia’s neck, I made a gagging sound and Mia blushed.

“Nope, none of that,” I said, and we all laughed.

“You are insufferable,” Cal said as he grabbed Mia’s shoulders and pulled him so he was tucked against Cal. He pressed a couple of kisses on Mia’s jaw, before Mia yawned and he leaned back. Mia yawning made me yawn, and then Aatami, and finally Cal. I could feel Aatami laughing under me and I hummed a happy response.

The house we were in was locked, the blanket I was under was warm, Aatami’s arms were wrapped around me and I realized that this was the safest I’ve ever felt. We didn’t need to leave until at least 8 tomorrow–despite my arguing Aatami had stayed firm. None of the things from my list were trying to poke their heads into my subconscious, and not even the end of the world could ruin this moment for me. My chest felt so warm, and I couldn’t help but smile as I drifted off.

I woke up to the sound of Cal groaning at us as he threw a pillow at my head. 

“How are you two _still_ sleeping?” I groaned in response and sucked in a long breath. It was the satisfying kind of breath that you feel fill your entire lungs and I stretched out. Aatami and I were still in the same position as we’d fallen asleep in, and my leg was asleep. There were a few drool spots on his shirt from where I’d been lying and I groaned again and buried my face in Aatami’s shirt. My eyes felt crusty and my throat was still a little sore, so was the rest of my body actually, but it was still the best way I’d woken up in days. Aatami hummed something and I felt it vibrate through his chest, it made me giggle sleepily. 

“Morning,” Aatami said, I laughed again and he laughed with me. 

“I drooled on your shirt,” I said, my voice sounded muffled by Aatami, and he laughed again.

“I know I can feel it,” he said.

“Gross,” Cal muttered, and I heard him walk off. I lifted my head without really opening my eyes.

“I hope you’re making pancakes!” I yelled after him. I saw Cal flip me off as he walked into the kitchen.

“Why the fuck would I do that?” he yelled back, Aatami and I laughed, and I was pretty sure I heard Mia laugh from the kitchen.

“I saved you, you owe me!” I said, and Cal made a coughing noise.

“You can’t keep saying that!” he called, I smiled and put my head back down on Aatami’s chest.

“Mmm, m’ leg’s asleep,” I said. Aatami laughed, his eyes were closed.

“I can’t feel my arm,” he said, we both laughed. Then I picked my head up and widened my eyes.

“Wait, what time is it, we need to leave for–” I started, and Aatami shook his head.

“Nope, it’s six am, Cal’s just a bitch. She’s still sleeping and she’s going to kill me if I show up now,” he said, I relaxed a little.

“Are you sure?” I asked, “I really don’t want you to be picking me over your Baba,” I said, Aatami laughed.

“Ash, trust me, you mean a lot to me, but not that much,” he said, I relaxed more.

“Good,” I said, and let myself lay back down on his chest.

“Mmmm,” Aatami hummed in sleepy agreement. I smiled against him and let myself drift off again. The next time I woke up to a hand on my shoulder. I shifted and rolled over so I could see who was shaking me. Mia smiled shyly down and he pulled his hand away as soon as he saw I was awake. I rubbed my eyes.

“Cal was threatening to stab you if you don’t get up and eat the pancakes you demanded,” he said, I laughed and stretched out. Then I kissed Aatami until he woke up, grinning and humming. I sat up and looked over at Mia who was standing in the doorway of the kitchen. I could see him talking to Cal, the kitchen was close so I could even hear what they were saying. But I was only half listening, I was too busy taking in the fact that Mia looked so much like Kenya and he-who-shall-not-be-named. 

I wondered why they’d named him Mika, and then I realized I didn’t even know what my brothers middle name was, or even if he had one. I’d once asked my mom why she’d named me Ashleigh. My full name was Ashleigh Danielle Jeffers, and it was around first grade that I realized how stupid seeming the spelling was for Ashleigh. Since Dad had still been alive, Mom had been a lot easier to talk to, and she’d told me the story pretty easily. Now though, with all the information things were making a little more sense. 

Mom had told me that originally, she’d only called me Ash, and that it wasn’t until dad had come along and added to my name that it turned into Ashleigh Danielle. I realized now that Mom probably hadn’t named me any more than Ash because she didn’t think she or I would survive long enough for me to be able to say my own name. Then I also realized that it must have been Kenya and my dad that named Mika. My real father, Nicholas. Somehow that made me feel warmer, the fact that some part of Mia hadn’t been created to be destroyed by Kevin.

Mia turned around and caught me staring, he furrowed his brows. 

“Something wrong?” he asked, I shook my head after a moment.

“You just look a lot like Kenya,” I said, Mia made a face. “More like Kenya than Rose-Cunt,” I decided, with a nod. Mia looked down at the floor and scratched at one of the vitiligo patches on his arm self consciously. “No, it’s not just that, the eyes are wrong, and you smile like her,” I added, then I yawned again and rolled over Aatami to stand up. He groaned as I elbowed him in a way that was definitely not graceful and then pushed himself up after me.

“Mmm, pancakes,” I mumbled as I passed Mia and went into the kitchen. Mia was wearing a small smile and his eyes were on the ground.

“Thanks,” he said, I smiled back in response and then ran into Cal as he shoved a plate of pancakes into my gut. I glared at him and rubbed my stomach where the plate had hit. 

“Glad you finally woke up,” Cal said sarcastically, but I couldn’t hear the usual bite to his voice, and I rolled my eyes and took the plate. It was stacked with pancakes covered in blueberries and syrup with a huge commercial looking pad of butter on top. I started drooling.

“You’re losing your edge,” I said, Cal glared and stabbed a fork into the top of my stack and then a knife through the butter pad. I raised a brow and he walked out of the kitchen.

“Fuck off,” he said, bumping Aatami’s shoulder on the way out and I rolled my eyes. Aatami raised a brow and then widened his eyes at the pancakes I was holding.

“Those look like they should be in an iHop ad,” Aatami said, I laughed, and pulled the fork out of the pancakes to take a bite. They tasted as good as they looked and I grinned. 

“It’s Cal’s way of saying a bitter thank you,” I said, Aatami chuckled and then plated his own stack of pancakes, he didn’t put anything on them except butter and I narrowed my eyes at him as he turned to leave the kitchen.

“What the fuck, Homie,” I said, he raised a brow. “Your pancakes are naked. What are you? A health nut?” I asked, he laughed.

“No, syrup’s just too sweet in the morning, and I have blueberries,” I raised my eyebrows until I was sure they disappeared into my hair. “What?” he asked around a laugh. 

“You’re a heathen,” I said, he smiled and leaned down to kiss me. I grinned, and when we pulled away Aatami was scrunching up his face.

“Ich, you taste like syrup,” he said, I laughed.

“ _Gross,_ ” Cal said from the other room. I rolled my eyes again.

“Fuck off,” I said as I turned and went back to the couch to eat my pancakes. Cal had turned on some dumb looking documentary about the ancient Greeks. Mia didn’t even look up to see Aatami and I as we walked in. 

“You guys aren’t going to eat?” Aatami asked as we sat down, Cal made a face.

“We already ate, at a decent hour,” he said pointedly. 

“Like ten minutes ago,” Mia corrected with an eye roll and a smirk. Cal kissed him. 

“Shut up,” he said without any bite, and Mia laughed, then he turned to us. 

“Did you guys get blueberries?” Seeing him so happy made my chest warm, and I gestured with my plate to show him.

I was sitting cross legged on the couch, my knee pressed up against Aatami’s thigh and the plate of pancakes was resting precariously between my legs. Now that I was awake, I could feel sand everywhere, and my face felt dry from the salt water. Aatami’s hair was messy and sticking up at odd angles, and his eyes still weren’t fully open. Cal was sitting with his hands tangling in Mia’s hair as he laid out on the couch with his head in Cal’s lap. He was still watching whatever show was on. 

Cal’s hair was slightly damp and he was wearing what looked like a new pair of jeans and a plain blue t-shirt. I wondered if he’d gone out and found a store with clothes. Without his hoodie, I could see the tiny cigarette burns that littered his arms. Mia was wearing new clothes too, he still had his jean jacket but now he had a pair of black jeans and what looked like Cal’s cleaned ‘Suck-It’ shirt. It was a little too big for him, and hung off his small frame. The jean jacket had a long cut in it from where Kevin had sliced at Mia’s arm, but it was being held closed with safety pins. I smiled at them both.

“I got clothes so you don’t look so homeless,” Cal said, I feigned hurt and looked down at myself. I was still wearing the now blood stained ‘I <3 Oregon’ shirt and the pair of sweatpants I’d gotten from the hospital. They were covered in sand and saltwater, and the flip flops I’d been wearing were discarded beside the couch. Cal leaned over the arm of the couch and threw two bags at me and Aatami.

“But this is Hotel-Holdup Chique,” I said, he rolled his eyes.

“It’s Homicidal-Vagrant Mystic,” Cal said, “And someone’s going to call the cops on you,” Mia, Aatami, and I all laughed and I set my now empty plate on the coffee table and got up.

“Ok, well, I’m going to go shower. These clothes better be comfortable,” I said, grabbing the bag and walking off to find the shower. 

The shower in this house was _fancy._ It had one of those waterfall shower heads I’d only ever seen rich people fuck under on TV and everything was white or grey. There was a frosted glass door that separated the shower from the rest of the bathroom, and a huge mirror over an equally large sink. The bathtub that was situated beside the shower looked more like a hot tub than a bath. 

I dumped the bag full of clothes that Cal had bought on the counter beside the sink. Inside was a pair of warm looking red sweatpants that had skinny legs and were a little short on mine. I got briefly offended, before realizing they were probably supposed to be short. There was also a pair of cheap looking slides and a pack of socks that had cuss words written all over them. I grinned, and then laughed out loud at the shirt. It was short sleeved, dark grey and just had _‘Washington’_ written on it.

At the bottom of the stack I’d dumped out, with a can of pepper spray, was a familiar grey hoodie. I picked it up carefully and unwadded it from the ball it had been. There was still blood on Uncle B’s hoodie, but less and more faded than I’d expected. I almost hugged it just to see if it still smelled like him, but then I remembered how still Mia had gone when I’d touched him before, and then I dropped the hoodie abruptly on the floor of the bathroom. 

Mia may have forgiven him, but it was going to take a little more than just that to convince me Koda had done everything he could to help Mia. 

I rolled a kink out of my neck and left the bathroom. 

I took my shower and got out feeling as fancy as I could feel in sweatpants and a Washington shirt. I caught my reflection in the huge mirror and couldn’t help but stare. 

I looked a lot different than I did when I was staring into the mirror at the hotel. There were the obvious things, like my shirt actually fit, I was in sweatpants and not tights, also I wasn’t toting a huge gun and there wasn’t blood everywhere. But my eyes looked less frantic, and wild. Now though, all I could see in them was Kevin. I looked so much like him it felt like a physical blow. Hans’ words were echoing in my head. 

_You didn’t even have to meet him and you’re so much alike._

I tore my eyes away and shook my head. I was being overdramatic, just because I had the same color eyes didn’t mean I looked like Kevin, or acted like Kevin. Besides, I’d only seen his face for like five minutes while he was torturing Cal and Mia. There’s no way I could know how much I look like him. 

I pushed the door of the bathroom open before I could look back at the mirror. 


	18. Green Bees

**My chest had a horribly familiar ache in it when I rejoined everyone in the living room.** I knew vaguely that I was sliding back into a dark spot, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. My body felt heavy and my chest felt hollow. The world was ending on Sunday. Tomorrow. And everyone would be dead, I probably wouldn’t even have enough time to pull myself out of this funk.

Besides, what did it matter? No one was going to remember my bad mood when we’re all dead. 

I sucked in a breath as I came back into the room and paused in the doorway. Aatami and Mia looked like they were having an argument, and from the snippets I caught it was about whether or not the Greeks would have survived if Nero hadn’t become ruler. Cal was leaning back and watching them, mostly just Mia. His face was completely stone, and to anyone else he would have just looked like he was scowling at the back of Mia’s head. But I noticed the way he blinked suddenly, eyes flicking around like he had to catch his bearings, like he’d been lost in thought and suddenly pulled out. 

Cal was a love sick fool. And he was going to be dead on Sunday. 

Dead by Sunday, that could be a cool band name.

_Dead by tomorrow._

My chest ached and I couldn’t figure out how to move my feet as I watched Aatami and Mia get more invested in their argument. Mia seemed to think that if Nero had never been ruler, some one else would have come along and ruined the empire because it was bound to fail with Rome coming. Aatami thought that if Nero had died before he went ‘insane’–he kept putting air quotes around ‘insane’ that I didn’t understand–the Greeks would have prospered. 

I just stared at them, the conversation slipping between my ears as they started to buzz. I felt cold and numb. They would both be dead by Sunday. My boyfriend, my brother, and my bestfriend all met and dead within a week. I would be dead in a week. I couldn’t control that, I couldn’t add more time or save us. I couldn’t do anything, because the world was going to get smashed by a fucking rock. 

Just like the dinosaurs. Leave us without a chance. 

I suddenly noticed Cal’s eyes on me, and I dragged mine up to meet his. His brow was furrowed and his lips pulled down in a frown as he watched me. 

_Do you think that his body will turn grey when the blood leaks out? Or will he just be incinerated? Not even a finger left behind and no time to scream._

“Ash?” Cal asked, Mia and Aatami’s conversation stopped and they both turned to look at me. I wiped a hand over my face and smiled, it felt too big, and I itched my wrists without realizing.

The world was ending, and I wasn’t going to burden them with my problems.

_You existing is already a burden._

“Really? Washington?” I said, pulling at my shirt and shaking my head. Aatami and Mia laughed, but Cal just narrowed his eyes at me. “What? Does my hair look that bad?” I asked, walking past them and into the kitchen. Cal only seemed half convinced by my act but he rolled his eyes. 

“I have to go make a phone call,” I didn’t really, but I needed an excuse so they wouldn’t follow me out, “Also, _viva la Nero!_ ” I shouted dramatically so that Mia and Aatami would start arguing again. It worked, and I could hear their voices raising slightly as they debated ancient Greek politics. 

_They can’t be nerds when they’re dead._

I found a back door out of the kitchen that lead to a yard. There was a pool and a couple of lawn chairs beside it, and I stopped short for a second, almost expecting my chest to tighten and static to fill my ears, but nothing happened. I held my breath and counted to twenty, looking around the yard until I took a breath and sank down into one of the lawn chairs. 

I pulled out my phone and almost thought about calling Uncle B. It had become a habit to call him whenever this happened, usually he’d just talk with me until he got to my door and then we’d watch John Mulaney or Deadpool until I could laugh. That only worked for a while though, and Uncle B usually stayed the night in my room whenever that happened.

After my attempt, and after I got out of the hospital, Uncle B signed me up for therapy. The hospital tried to have me sectioned, but he stopped them, and I went to counseling for half a year until my mom canceled it because she didn’t want to pay. Uncle B didn’t know, he also didn’t know that mom had been taking my pills since I started getting them. I didn’t really care, the pills seemed to help her more than me. I missed therapy though. I had a therapist named Crissa, and she used to have hot cocoa and her office always smelled like peppermint. I hadn’t told Uncle B that mom had stopped my appointments because I knew that he would try paying for them himself, and I couldn’t do that. 

I still saw Crissa around, she always smiled at me and offered me a peppermint candy cane that she always seemed to have. I don’t know where she kept getting them from, but I didn’t complain. 

Suddenly I felt like crying. I wanted to curl up on my couch with Uncle B and watch New Kid in Town. I wanted to feel warm and safe and not this cold. I wanted to fall asleep on the couch and wake up in my own bed with Uncle B making me eggs. 

_Mia probably wanted that too._

I curled in on myself and let the tears stream down my face. Then the tears kept coming and I curled tighter and pressed my eyes to my knees and sobbed. 

The world was so big all of a sudden, and Uncle B was so far away. And Aatami and Cal and Mia were going to die, and Kevin was hunting us down, and I hadn’t even said goodbye to Mom.

I sobbed and sobbed, until something finally broke in my chest. I was still holding the cracked phone and I lifted my head up. I looked over at the water of the pool. It lapped against the concrete walls and glowed an aqua color. Like Cal’s hair. I stared into the water and felt completely calm. 

_If you jump in right, you could hit your head on the side and not even feel it as you drowned. You could die, right here, and leave everything else behind. Cal and Aatami wouldn’t worry about you, Mia wouldn’t have to see all that he missed out on, Kenya probably wouldn’t even notice and Uncle B–_

I gasped and started sobbing again. I rolled off the chair and clawed my way back from the pool like it was going to reach out and grab me. Panic was boiling in my stomach and I hit the chain link fence surrounding the yard. I turned so my back was too it and stared at the water lapping against the concrete and fumbled with my phone until I heard it dial. 

I put my shaking hand to my ear and stifled another sob with my hand. Uncle B picked up on the second ring.

“Bee?” he said, and I broke down.

“I don’t know what to do, you–you sold Mia, you ruined his life. But they’re all going to die and I was just looking at the pool and–and–and I just don’t know what to do– _I don’t know what to do._ ”

“Bee, hey, hey, take some deep breaths ok? I know you’re mad at me, you deserve to be, but talk to me, what’s happening, where are you?” Uncle B said, his voice was calm and low and I nodded and shook and breathed a shaking breath. Then another. “That's it, all the way out, in… and out… in… and out…” he prompted, speaking slowly, I followed his queues and breathed. My chest still felt tight, and I was still crying, but some of the panic had cooled in my gut. I clutched the phone tighter.

“Ok, describe where you are, tell me every green thing you see,” he said, I nodded again and took another shaky breath. My eyes roamed around the yard.

“There’s–there’s trees, and the grass, and one of the umbrellas, and...” I kept listing until I’d named everything green I could see. My breaths were coming in more evenly and my chest wasn’t feeling so tight, but it still ached. 

“Ok, that’s good, you’re doing good, Bee, you’re doing so good,” Uncle B said, “Now tell me what’s going on,” he said, “and I’ll get you _one black coffee_ ,” he added, I managed a laugh. “Ok?” he asked, I nodded again.

“Ok,” I echoed. I took another breath and then let everything spill out. It all came so easily I almost started crying again. The words rushed out of me and Uncle B stayed completely quiet on the other end of the phone. 

I told him about Rose-Count, and how I had his eyes, and that Mia is so afraid of what he might do. I told him about the beach and Aatami and Cal. I told him about the pool, and that time tears did bubble up. They made me sound like a child and I cried harder. Uncle B didn’t say anything other than the occasional reminder that I needed to breath. 

“I’m so tired Uncle B, I’m so tired and I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered into the phone. When I was done Uncle B was quiet for a long pause, I waited, and stared at anything besides the pool. I could tell he was collecting his words.

“I know how Dad died,” I said finally, before Uncle B could say anything. “Mia told me, he told me you tried to get him out, and that it got Dad killed,” I said, I sniffled. “I know Dad didn’t kill himself.” 

“Bee, I swear I was trying to get him out, I swear. Every single day I saw him, I tried harder. Kevin just–” Uncle B stopped himself, and I felt my fingers tighten around my phone. Uncle B sighed, and I could picture him dragging a hand down his face. 

“Kenya left before Kevin found out that she was pregnant. So when he came that night, he came for you, he didn’t even know Mika existed,” Uncle B started, “Kenya and Nick were upstairs asleep with Mika, and you and I were in the kitchen eating PB&J’s because you’d had a nightmare. Kevin busted in and I pushed you in the cabinet below the sink. You were so good, you stayed so quiet,” he said, then he drew in a breath, “Kevin was waving a gun around and yelling for Kenya, and it woke up Mika, who started crying,” Uncle B paused, “Nick came downstairs, he’d told Kenya to take Mika and run, but Kevin had people outside and he had them grab Mika. We didn’t even know it had happened until after Kevin left and we found Kenya knocked out in the backyard,” my guts were twisting themselves into knots but I held onto every single word Uncle B was saying. 

“Kevin called to tell us that the only way you and Mika would be safe is if we didn’t call the police or try and get Mika back,” Uncle B took another breath, “And I tried, and Nick tried, and–I didn’t mean for him to die Ash,” Uncle B finished finally. I didn’t say anything for a long moment. He hadn’t really proven that he’d done everything he possibly could, and I don’t think I even completely forgave him. But Aatami was right, the world was ending and now wasn’t the time to leave things hanging. 

“Why does my life have to be so fucked up?” I asked with a watery laugh. 

“Language,” Uncle B said weakly, it sounded more like an instinct than an actual response. “I’m sorry, Bee,” he said, I laughed again, and then wiped tears from my cheeks.

“I don’t know what to do Uncle B, I’m so afraid of Aatami and Cal and Mia dying, I can’t stop it, and I don’t know what to do,” I whispered into the phone. Uncle B was quiet for a long time, when he finally did speak it was slow and calm.

“Death is something that happens to us all, and now everyone’s is coming a lot faster than we all expected. You can’t control this, Bee. I’m sorry, but there is nothing that you or I could do to fix this–I wish there was, I wish I could make it ok. But the only thing we can do is try to makeup for all the time we’re about to lose and hope that we see each other again soon,” he said, my tears had stopped falling but my chest was still aching. 

“I’m sorry I left,” I said, Uncle B laughed a quiet laugh.

“I’m sorry I let you, but there’s no use regretting something that’s already happened,” he said.

“I feel stupid,” I laughed when I said it, but I didn’t feel like laughing. 

“You’re only stupid if you don’t learn from your mistakes,” Uncle B said.

“You sound like a fortune cookie.” 

“But I’m right. _And_ , not made out of styrofoam last time I checked.”

“That’s debatable.”

“You don’t even know what that word means.”

“D-E-B-A-T-A-B-L-E, _‘open to discussion or argument.’_ It was one of my vocab words last week.” I grinned while I said it. Vocab felt like a long time ago. 

“Since when do you study?” Uncle B asked with mock seriousness, I laughed again, this time it sounded less hollow. 

“Since you started hovering over me and threatening to make me do the dishes if I didn’t pass my english class,” I said, “Also, how dare you assume I don’t know what ‘debatable’ means,” I added exasperatedly. I was still smiling though. 

We talked for a long time, the conversation shifting to different topics that I forgot as soon as we changed subjects. It felt good to talk with Uncle B again, but it was making my chest ache. This time I didn’t feel hollow, I just felt homesick. 

“I think we’re going home,” I said after a while Uncle B hummed an easy response. “I don’t know exactly where we are but it’s somewhere in Oregon” I added. 

“Good, then I can beat up the boyfriends,” Uncle B said, lowering his voice to make himself sound tougher. A laugh escaped from my chest. 

“I think Aatami might be as big as you,” I said, I could see Uncle B rolling his eyes.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t kick his ass,” he said, I laughed again. 

“I think you’ll like them, both of them, Cal’s kind of a prick but you get used to it. And he and Mia seem really good together,” I said. 

“Mmmhmm, I’ll believe it when I see it,” Uncle B said, but he didn’t sound like he meant it. I wondered if Mia had ever told Uncle B about Cal. 

“Did Mia ever… _mention_ , Cal to you?” I asked slowly.

“He didn’t mention anything specifically,” Uncle B said, I could hear a smile in his voice, “But–well, we’ll just say I’m not too stupid to notice how flustered he looked when I came to pick him up a couple of times. I didn’t mention anything because I knew he’d get scared, god knows Kevin wouldn’t let him have that,” Uncle B said, my gut clenched and I licked my lips. 

“Uncle B, I can’t–” I stopped myself and collected my thoughts. Uncle B waited patiently on the other end of the phone. “I think you should have tried harder. To get Mia out, but, I’m trying to understand. It’s just hard when I see him–” I stopped myself before my voice could wobble. I closed my eyes and tightened my grip on the phone. 

“I know Bee, I’m sorry, I’m not mad,” he said, and relief flooded through me, and then guilt. _I shouldn’t be glad he told me he’s not mad that I can’t let the fact that he didn’t get Mia out go. I just can’t let it go._ “I love you Bee, and I hope you do come back so I can say that to your face,” he said, I clenched my teeth and scrunched up my face against the tears that were threatening to leak. 

“I love you too, Uncle B,” I said finally. 

“And, I want my hoodie back,” he said, and I breathed a laugh. 

“It’s pretty beat up,” I said, Uncle B laughed.

“I figured,” he said, then he was quiet for a moment. “I mean it Bee, I love you.”

“I know. I love you too, Uncle B.”


	19. She Does Her Own Thing

**When I finally hung up the call with Uncle B the time read almost two hours.** I felt a little better, a little warmer. The ringing in my ears was gone and the panicky feeling I had before wasn’t coming back. I still made sure to not look at the pool as I got up and made my way back to the house. 

I found Aatami in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water and leaning against the kitchen counter. He smiled and nodded his head at me.

“Everything alright?” he asked, I nodded and hoped my eyes weren’t as puffy as they felt. 

“Yeah, I’m just a little tired,” I said, Aatami looked like he didn’t believe me, so I changed the subject before he could say anything. I really was feeling tired, my limbs felt heavy and I was leaning against the fridge for support. Aatami passed me his water glass and I took a few sips. “Why are you in here?” I asked, Aatami sighed.

“I left to get some water and came back to them making out on the couch, so I decided to wait in here for you,” he said, I laughed, it sounded hollow and I could feel my good mood slipping through my fingers like sand. “You sure you’re ok, Ash?” Aatami asked, I looked up at him and bit my tongue. Then relaxed my jaw. 

“I called Uncle B,” I said finally. Aatami nodded slowly, he didn’t say anything, so I kept going. “He’s not mad, that I can’t–” I stopped and sighed through my teeth. “Ugh, I don’t know, _can’t forgive him_ sounds so dramatic, it’s not that I can’t it’s just–” I stopped myself and clenched my fist around the water glass. 

“It’s not over dramatic that you can’t forgive someone for not helping someone get away from their abusive father,” Aatami said. He said it so stoically, that when I looked up at him, I almost believed him.

“I know, it’s just, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I know it hurts Uncle B that I can’t… _forgive_ him, but I also feel like I have a point,” I said, I waved my hands around to emphasize my confusion. “Am I just being horrible?” 

“I really can’t tell you whether or not you’re overreacting or being reasonable, I don’t know enough about Koda or the whole situation, or a psychology degree to back me up,” Aatami started, “But, I think that your feelings are valid, no matter what they are,” he said carefully. I watched him for a moment. 

“I feel like a horrible person,” I whispered, and dropped my eyes to the ground. “But I feel like a horrible person for making Uncle B feel bad, and I feel like a horrible person for feeling bad because he _sold_ Mia, and then he didn’t do enough. Mia has lived with that _psycho_ , for his whole life, and he’s only getting away now, and the world's ending _tomorrow,_ ” I gushed, the words were just spilling out of me and for once I didn’t regret it. “Aatami, he–I grabbed him, on accident without asking while he was panicking, and he didn’t lash out or try and shove me off, he just _froze_ ,” I said, I was gripping the water cup so tight I thought it might shatter. “ _What the fuck has to happen to you,_ that your first response to a trigger is to _freeze_ and let whatever is going to happen, happen?” I asked, and I looked back up at Aatami, whose jaw was clenched.

“You love Koda, from what it sounds like at least, and you’re a good person who doesn’t want to hurt the people you love. But in order to protect Mia, who you love, you need to hurt Koda, and if you want to protect Koda, then you need to not protect Mia,” Aatami summed up, I nodded and chewed on my tongue. 

“There’s no easy way out of this, at least not one that I see, but Koda seems strong, and Mia is definitely strong. Both of them will forgive you for whatever choice you make,” Aatami said quietly, shooting me a look that made me remember our conversation about pity. _He’s worried about me._ I ignored this annoying, yet slightly reassuring revelation, and instead took a sip of water and tried to believe him. 

Uncle B was strong, but it didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt. I knew I’d already hurt him, and that knowledge was hurting me. But I couldn’t just ignore what he’d done to Mia. Even if he hadn’t been the one to put him in that situation, he still didn’t try hard enough to get him out.

“You don’t have to decide right now, Ash,” Aatami said. He’d crossed the kitchen and was standing in front of me. I nodded and took another sip of water. I held out my hand and he took it in his, squeezing it reassuringly. I smiled. 

_Just by tomorrow._

“How are you doing?” I asked instead. Aatami sighed and smiled unconvincingly.

“Fine,” he said, I raised a brow.

“Don’t be a hypocrite,” I said, and he breathed a laugh and dropped his eyes to the ground. I squeezed his hand.

“I… I’m a little afraid that I’m being an asshole for dragging you guys along just so I can see my Baba,” he said, then he laughed again, “But, I mean, at the same time, I feel like I’m being really overdramatic,” he said, still not meeting my eyes. I set the water glass on the counter and grabbed his shoulder.

“Hey, you’re not an asshole for wanting to see your Baba before the end of the world. And we’re all choosing to come along,” I said, Aatami nodded, but he didn’t seem convinced. I ducked my eyes so he had to meet my gaze. “I’m serious, if anything, _we’re_ the assholes. We dragged you across the state so that Cal could find his boyfriend,” I said, Aatami met my eyes and shook his head.

“No. No, you guys aren’t assholes. I wanted to come along, I was bored as hell,” he said quickly, I raised my brows.

“Exactly,” I said, and he nodded slowly.

“Oh,” he said finally. I laughed. 

“Besides, Cal’s probably going to make a break for it just so he can make out with Mia,” I said, we both chuckled, and then I dropped my eyes. “And, if you want to… _be alone_ with your Baba...” I started, “–which I totally get–” I clarified quickly, meeting his eyes briefly and then flicking them away, “I could always go up and see Uncle B, or call him and make him come down,” I finished. I picked at a piece of ripped fabric on Aatami’s leather jacket so I didn’t have to make eye contact.

“I do want you to meet her, but maybe…” Aatami said, I smiled and locked eyes with him. 

“Hey, it’s fine, we’ve known each other for barely a week. I totally get it, ok?” I said. It was a little disappointing that Aatami didn’t want to spend the end of the world with me, but I did understand. And, as much as I was conflicted over Uncle B, my gut ached to think of not seeing him again. “I need to resolve things with Uncle B, anyways.” 

“Has it really only been a week?” Aatami asked and we both laughed.

“I know, I can’t believe it either,” I said, then I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Have you ever seen John Mulaney?” I asked, Aatami furrowed his brow.

“No, I’ve been trapped under a rock for my entire life,” he deadpanned and I chuckled, happy to add another reason on my _‘Why This Boy is Perfect’_ list. Aatami took another step forward, and I leaned in to meet him, grinning. “We could go out there, and interrupt their little party, or we could do our own something for just a little and _then_ go in there,” Aatami said, he kissed my cheek, then right where the corner of my mouth was. I smiled wider and giggled, my stomach felt full of butterflies.

“What kind of our own thing?” I asked, feigning ignorance. Aatami grinned and kissed me, I kissed him back and let my troubling thoughts melt out of my ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Insert 'Is this romance?' meme here*


	20. Chocolove Breaks Her Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That is how you spell chocolove right? XD

**By the time Aatami and I finished our thing, I was feeling a little better.** I still felt achy in my chest, but smiling was a little easier. When we went back into the living room, Mia and Cal were still making out and I instantly regretted interrupting Aatami and my own makeout in the kitchen.

I think that it also helped destroy any guilt I would have felt about breaking them up. 

“Hey, lovebirds, we’ve got plans today so keep pants _on,_ thanks” I said, Mia–who obviously hadn’t noticed us–all but jumped off where he’d been sitting in Cal’s lap and blushed all the way down his neck. Cal glared at me and Aatami and I glared back. 

“Fuck you,” he said, running a casual hand through his hair like it would fix the mussed mess Mia had made it. Mia didn’t look much better off, he was still blushing and straightening out his clothes and they were both pretending they weren’t breathing heavy. Now I was _really_ pissed I’d stopped things in the kitchen. 

“Is that all you have in your vocabulary?” I asked dryly, Cal rolled his eyes. 

“くそくらえ” he growled. Aatami laughed and I rolled my eyes at Cal mockingly. 

“Mia, please tell me that you don’t know Japanese,” I said, Mia looked at me with wide eyes like he hadn’t expected to be addressed. 

“No?” 

“Good, we can start a club and exclude these assholes,” I said, Cal smirked and Aatami laughed.

“What did I do?” He asked, and I gave him a side eye glance.

“Know another language that I don’t,” I said.

“It’s not our fault you’re uneducated,” Cal said, he stretched out and laced his fingers behind his head so he could lean back. Mia was sitting on the couch beside him with one leg folded under him. Aatami and I were hovering by the kitchen door, mostly because I’d hoped we’d walk out and leave for Aatami’s Baba’s.

“ _Uneducated?_ Cal I will fight you,” I said, Cal grinned, his grin looked wolfish and if I’d seen it three days ago I think I might have sprayed him in the face with pepper spray and ran the other way. Now it just looked like he was amused and challenging. It made me grin back. 

“I’d like to see you try,” he goaded, the edge on his voice sounded like he wasn’t being playful and suddenly I wanted to actually fight him just to see the look on his face. 

“You do remember that I saved your ass from a whole hotel of gunmen, right?” I said, still grinning, Cal actually breathed a sharp laugh and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. 

“I remember you had Aatami flush them out and then you threatened the one guy with a gun,” he teased, I laughed, Mia was looking between us quizzically and I realized he probably had no idea what we were talking about. 

“Yeah, but there’s also the guy she knocked out and left in the broom closet,” Aatami said, causing Cal to raise a brow. He didn’t say anything though, and I wondered if he was thinking about the Rose-Count house. I suddenly didn’t feel like talking anymore, and I wanted to change the subject. I couldn’t tell if I was doing it for me or Mia. Probably both.

“We’ve got to go, it’s almost eight,” I said, I pretended not to notice Cal’s eye flash with recognition. 

“Mia and I aren’t going,” Cal started, all playfulness lost in his voice. I glanced at Mia because for a moment I thought Cal was just bossing him around, and then I realized they’d probably already talked about it. “And, Aatami, I need to talk to Ash about some family members before she meets yours,” Cal said, I glared at him and clenched my teeth.

“What did you do,” I asked, and he stared me down. 

“Koda’s coming,” he said, I let my teeth grind for a moment and then let my face go blank. Mia fidgeted with his sleeve on the couch and I turned to Aatami. 

“It’s probably better if you go alone… to your Baba’s,” I said slowly. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it but didn’t look in his eyes. “I’ll be all awkward anyways and–” I said, Aatami squeezed my hand back and lowered his eyes to mine. 

“Hey, I get it alright?” he said gently with a small smile. I smiled sadly back at him and then realized what this was. “Tell your Uncle I said hi,” I smiled and nodded.

“Aatami I–I’m… I’m really glad I met you,” I said. That three word sentence was trying to commit suicide off the tip of my tongue. I felt overdramatic for wanting to say _‘I love you.’_ It felt cliche and dumb to say it now as a goodbye, and I didn’t even know if I actually did _love him_. I mean, I did, but it wasn’t something I was supposed to know about. And saying I love you meant admitting that I could turn into my mother. A broken shell because of the men in her life. 

“I’m glad I met you too Ash, I’m sorry it was… I’m sorry we hadn’t met sooner,” Aatami said, and I suddenly had a feeling in my chest that made me want to cut myself open and let it bleed and die on the floor.

“I’m sorry too,” I said, then I linked my arms around his neck and pulled him into a long, slow kiss. It felt too bitter to call it goodbye so I just decided to seal it away in a box labeled _‘hello for now’_ and tied it with a green ribbon. When we finally pulled away I hugged Aatami and he squeezed me back. “Say hi to your Baba for me ok?” I said, Aatami nodded into my hair and I sucked in a deep breath, closing my eyes and letting myself breathe in the smell of Aatami one last time.

He smelled like motor oil and cats. I didn’t really like either smell, but–like everything else–he managed to make it work somehow. It took every part of me to rip myself out of Aatami’s embrace, but I found some solace in the fact that it looked like it was just as hard for him.

“I hope we see each other again,” I said, I tried a fleeting smile that didn’t last. Aatami swallowed hard and nodded.

“Me too,” I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye so I didn’t. I knew maybe later I might feel overdramatic and embarrassed but right now I didn’t care. Right now I just felt like Aatami was ripping me in half and walking away with my better parts. He closed the door quietly behind him, giving me a final look and a little wave and smile to Cal and Mia, “it was nice meeting you both,” he said. Cal nodded after him and Mia mimicked his smile and wave. 

I didn’t move until I couldn’t hear the engine of Aatami’s dumb car anymore, and then I let out a breath I’d been holding. I closed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t going to break down and then I turned to Mia and Cal, who’d both been blessedly silent. 

“I need chocolate,” I said, and took another stabilizing breath, “and maybe some alcohol,” I added after a moment. 

“Koda’s coming,” Cal reminded me, I nodded and walked into the kitchen.

“Exactly,” I said. I heard someone get up and follow me in, and I didn’t turn around to find out who it was, I just rifled through the cabinets until I found a bar of Chocolove that I tore the wrapping off of and threw in the garbage. I bit into the chocolate.

“I told Mia he should call Koda up,” Cal’s voice said from behind me. I chewed the chocolate for a moment. I could tell what he was doing, taking the blame just in case I was going to be angry. It hurt a little that he thought I would be angry with Mia and not Uncle B, but I pushed that thought down with another bite of chocolate. 

“I’m not mad Cal, it makes sense that he wants to see him,” I said, I still hadn’t turned around but I could feel the tension leaving Cal. “I’m pissed that Mia thinks Uncle B is worth seeing, and I’m pissed that I want to see him again,” I admitted after a moment, Cal didn’t say anything. I dragged a hand down my face and threw the chocolate bar down on the counter. 

“I hate relationships,” I said with a sigh, and I turned around to see Cal watching me in the doorway. With the lighting coming in through the huge windows Cal looked bright. Even with the bandages on his face his hair was shining and his eyes were lit up and I nodded suddenly. Like I was resigning myself to the image of him dead that kept phasing over him. It kept overlaying on him like an extra shitty layer. He looked so alive right now that it almost didn’t seem possible, and for a second I convinced myself I was seeing stage makeup.

“I’m glad we met,” I said quietly, Cal’s expression didn’t change, and he held my stare.

“Don’t expect me to suck your face, I’m not that good of a friend and not nearly straight enough,” Cal said. I laughed and he took a step forward and we hugged. Cal was a lot shorter than Aatami, and I didn’t have to stand on my toes to hug him. “But I’m glad we met too,” he said in my ear. I smiled and squeezed him again.

“The idea of making out with you makes me want to throw up,” I said, we both laughed.

“I’m glad,” he said as we pulled apart.

“Ok but I wasn’t joking about alcohol, what are these people? Sterile freaks?” I asked, looking around and gesturing to prove my point. Cal rolled his eyes but smiled. I still felt fragile, and I hated that, but I didn’t so much hate being fragile around Cal and Mia. That was new. 

“And I would totally win in a– _fuck,_ ” I stopped short as my eyes wandered over Cal to the doorway he’d vacated. My stomach dropped into my shoes as I spotted a guy in dark clothes and a ski mask holding a gun to Mia’s temple and a hand over his mouth. 

Cal spun around and both of us lowered defensively, Cal was already snarling and I was glaring with every bit of hate I had at the masked man. 

“Calia, Ashleigh, nice to see you two again.” My blood ran with ice as I recognized the voice. _Hans._

“I thought we left you in an alley to bleed out you worthless bag of shit,” Cal growled through his teeth, Hans laughed. I forced myself to straighten and act calm. If this really was Hans, that meant his leg had to still be healing. Even Aatami was still stiff and his had just been a graze, I know I’d shot Hans right in the center of his thigh. 

If I could kick him there–if I could move fast enough–I might be able to get the gun away, but I’d need a distraction. 

I could see Hans grinning through the mask.

“You did, but I couldn’t not come back to see you all again. And Mika too!” he said, his eyes glittered through the mask and my gut clenched. I forced myself not to show it on my face. “I mean, you’re all here, all together so conveniently,” he added. Mia looked terrified, but he hadn’t moved a muscle and I put my hand behind my back to clench it. “What’s wrong Ashleigh? You less talkative when you aren’t the one holding a gun?” Hans asked, I loosened my jaw enough to speak.

“Just trying to figure out why you took time out of your schedule to hunt down teenagers,” I said quietly, “I mean, don’t you have better things to do than track down kids?” I added. Hans’ grin faltered and he tightened his grip on Mia. I tightened my fist and Cal growled, Hans’ smile returned.

“Mmmm, those reactions are fun,” Hans said, he leaned closer to Mia and every part of me tensed until I was afraid I would snap. “It’s too bad we have somewhere to be, otherwise we would have had some fun,” Hans whispered in Mia’s ear, he flinched. 

“ _Get the fuck off him before I kill you,_ ” Cal said, his voice was low and I didn’t doubt he actually would kill Hans. I didn’t doubt that I wouldn’t. Seeing Mia flinch and the look it gave Hans ripped everything inside me to tiny, disgusted pieces. 

“Don’t worry Calia, _I_ won’t be touching him,” Hans said, and then suddenly someone bashed something against my head. I didn’t even have time to cry out as I dropped to the ground and my vision blurred and then went dark. 


	21. Forced Family Fun Fucking Blows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh boy.....

**Waking up in a trunk is the worst way to wake up.**

I jolted awake and hit my already throbbing head on the trunk top, I groaned and realized how little space I had. I was curled up, with my knees almost completely folded to my chest and I was still cramped. My leg was falling asleep and I couldn’t see anything. I blinked little silvery splotches out of my vision and then focused on the trunk. The car we were in was moving, and the trunk was dark and uncomfortably warm, I could see Mia curled up next to me in a ball so small it didn’t seem possible. I reached out on instinct to comfort him, but held my hand back at the last second.

“Mia?” I asked carefully, he was completely still. 

“Shit,” he whispered, so quietly for a moment I thought I’d imagined it.

“Hey, this isn’t your fault,” I said, then I swallowed. My head was aching and everytime I moved my leg it felt like a million needles were stabbing it.

“I should have gone back,” he whispered and I clenched my teeth. For some reason John Mulaney popped into my anger filled head.

_STREETSMARTS._

“I’m going to kick out the tail light,” I said, I felt around for the edge of the carpet and started to pull it up until I felt Mia’s hand on my arm. 

“No, _don’t,_ ” he said, I paused.

“Why?” 

“It’ll only make things worse, we’re nowhere it’ll help anyways, it’s too late,” Mia said he sounded calm–no, _resigned_ , he sounded like this wasn’t the first time he’d had to deal with being dragged back to Kevin. It made my insides boil and rot and I wanted to throw up and stab someone. Or stab Kevin and then throw up on him. 

“Mia I’m going to kill that sick son of a bitch,” I said, it felt like I meant it. “I’m going to kill him for what he did to you.” 

“I did it to myself,” Mia said too quickly. 

“What?” I asked, I felt Mia flinch and I checked my anger. 

“He’s not unpredictable, I know what makes him mad and what I shouldn’t do. It’s my fault for doing it,” My guts twisted in on themselves more and I decided now they were actually, physically twisting around themselves as they tried to crawl away from the idea that someone could hurt someone to this extent. The mentality just didn’t make sense to me at all and I couldn’t grasp any reason for Mia to think it was his fault that everything had happened to him, but he did. I was the closest to murder I had ever been in my entire life. 

“Has he ever told you specifically what not to do? Or does he just let you stumble around until you figure out something that pisses him off and then get hurt because you ‘ _should have known’_?” I asked, I couldn’t help my gritted teeth. Mia didn’t answer and I drew my own conclusions. “Boundaries are acceptable as long as someone lays them out for you. If you have to walk on eggshells to discover his pressure points and be punished for not knowing, then that’s just fucked up,” I said, “If he was a decent person then he would grow the fuck up and stop taking his anger out on children,” I finished, my teeth were gritted so tight I thought they might shatter.

I _really_ needed to punch out this tail light out. 

I pulled my arm back to punch it out but Mia’s hand stopped me again.

“ _It won’t help–_ Ash it won’t, it’s not worth it, you’ll just hurt yourself,” He said desperately. I froze and then let my hand drop to my side, he had a point, I should be using my foot anyways but with the numb state it was in I doubted that was possible. My phone and my pepper spray were still in my pocket though. I braced myself against the back of the trunk as the car started climbing upward.

“Where’s Cal?” I asked, pulling out my phone and shifting so I could look at it. First turning it on blinded me and I fumbled to turn the brightness down.

“Fisk,” Mia said, “There were five of men with him, and they knocked you out and then held Cal down. Then they put us in here and then left Fisk and Cal behind.” I held my breath. 

“Koda’s coming to the house, and Cal will save himself. He can handle Fisk,” I said, mostly for myself. 

“Cal told them he was coming,” Mia said quietly, he curled tighter in on himself, “Fisk was–I–” Mia tired and I tugged on the bottom of his jacket.

“It’s not your fault,” I said. I wished I could have said it like Cal could. When he said things he said them like there was no way it wasn’t possible. I couldn’t do that, no matter how hard I tried and Mia didn’t seem convinced. “ _I’m going to kill him if it’s the last thing I do,_ ” I promised. 

“It will be,” Mia said quietly. His voice sounded so sure it froze my anger inside me for a second. Turned it hard and cold and sharp as I realized just how useless I was. 

The car suddenly jarred to a stop as the engine cut and the car leveled out. I forced myself to thaw out as I heard the car’s doors open and then felt them slam shut. I sent Aatami my location and a 911 text, before I could actually call 911 though, the trunk opened and I dropped the phone to claw at the face of whoever had let the light pour into the trunk. I sprang up out and then collapsed on my pins-and-needles-leg. The guy who had opened the door was cursing and holding his bleeding face. I bared my teeth at him in a vicious smile and then tried to twist out of the arms that grabbed me from behind. 

I managed to bite down on the arm of one of them before they yanked my arms behind my back out of reach. There was blood in my teeth as I watched two other goons drag Mia roughly out of the trunk. 

We were on top of a parking garage, some city surrounded us and blue sky mocked me from above. There were two goons holding me and one nursing his scratched face. Then there was Kevin, standing off to the side looking out over the edge of the roof with his hands clasped behind his back casually. He was the only one with a gun. I scowled at him, and then grinned at the bandages covering his nose. I heard Cal’s voice in the back of my head and bit back a snide remark. _Barely._

The only reason I didn’t push him off the side were the goons holding me in place. 

“ _Mia_ ,” I hissed, remembering what Cal had done at the Rose-Count house, “Eyes on me,” he dragged his eyes to my shoes and didn’t move. 

“Well, isn’t this nice, it’s almost a full family reunion,” Kevin said, he was smiling. If it had been anyone else I would have almost called it warm, but all I could see was teeth and Mia’s flinch. “We’re just missing the uselessly terrified slut and my cowardly brother.”

“Reunion? You mean kidnapping?” I snapped, I didn’t have the energy to keep my voice even, and my anger was swirling just beneath my skin, threatening to light me on fire and take all the control I was barely holding onto. Kevin just smiled wider.

“Well, you did run from me, so really I didn’t have a choice,” he said, Mia winced, his eyes were still on my shoes though and I clenched my fists where they were being held behind my back.

“You had a choice to leave us the hell alone, and to not involve Cal, and to not bring us here by trunk. Don’t even try to put it on us,” I hissed through clenched teeth. Kevin looked genuinely surprised.

“I really have no idea what to expect from you, Ashleigh, but from Mika... well, we’ll just say this certainly isn’t the kind of behavior I would have raised _either_ of my children with,” he said with an annoyed sounding tone.

“Too bad you didn’t raise either of us then,” I said bitterly, Mia flinched at the anger he knew Kevin would be feeling and I pretended not to notice. 

“I raised Mika, I would have raised you too, but they stole you,” Kevin said, his voice still sounded even but his eyes looked murderous.

“No, you tortured Mia, and didn’t have the balls to steal me, there’s a difference,” I said.

“Potato, potahto, I still paid every penny for his education and clothing and food. All I ever asked for in return was obedience,” Kevin said, feigning hurt and completely ignoring my second point. I knew he was trying to look genuine, but on him it just looked mocking. 

“Do you hear how fucking stupid you sound? Or do you think the words you say actually make sense?” I bit out, Kevin smiled vaguely, which made my skin burn. 

“Hm, I really did underestimate you Ashleigh, if I’d known you were–” he paused and gestured vaguely to all of me before continuing. “–all this, then I would have tried harder to keep you,” he mused, and everything inside me shuddered at the idea of that. 

“Fisk told me what happened at the hotel,” Kevin continued, he took another step forward so that the three of us–and Mia and I’s goons–were standing a foot apart. “You were born for this life, it’s obvious, and it’s just a shame Kenya and Koda ruined you,” Kevin said, his voice sounded genuinely disappointed and I barked out a laugh.

“Are you asking me to join thedark side?” I asked mockingly, Kevin smiled back and I had to grit my teeth to keep my own smile. It looked too much like mine.

“Well, yes,” Kevin said casually, then waved a hand dismissively. “I mean, you’ve already shown a knack for bodyguarding. Though, with my help you’d be better at it, and you’d be paid,” Kevin said, his eyes were sharp but his smile remained. I raised a brow and then laughed.

“What makes you think I want your money?” I asked, “Or your twisted apprenticeship,” I added, I couldn’t really believe this was happening. There was no way I’d accept, and there couldn’t be any way Kevin was narcissistic enough to think I’d accept. His grin sharpened, but he turned to Mia and took his eyes with him, I tensed. 

“Well, money isn’t exactly all I can offer, for example–” he paused and patted Mia’s cheek like he cared. Mia tensed and I noticed his hand twitching. A barely contained scowl flashed across Kevin’s face. “You could protect certain people much more effectively,” Kevin started. “I mean, think of your family, your brother–those boys you two are so attached to,” Kevin still wasn’t looking at me, busy examining a stone still Mia. I was frozen, my mind was racing and my throat felt tight.

“That Home boy, he is nothing to me. I would kill him fast, no one would ever find him–or even care,” Kevin said smoothly, “Calia on the other hand, he’s racked up quite the debt,” Kevin tugged subtly on the collar of Mia’s jacket, showing the hickey he’d gotten earlier. It suddenly felt dangerous. I felt a slight urk to strangle Cal, but it wasn’t nearly as real as the desire to stab Kevin’s eyes out and then shove him off this roof. “I mean, stealing property, and then leaving marks? Mia you know that costs extra,” Kevin purred and Mia flinched. I growled and forced myself to stop shaking. Kevin dropped his hand and turned back to me, a slow smile pulling at his lips. I held his stare and hoped my anger burned him. 

“Why the fuck does it matter anyways, the world’s going to end today, my acceptance won’t matter when we’re all dead,” I hissed, Kevin laughed.

“You stupid child, the world isn’t ending,” he said, and my chest tightened. “That was a disproven fact that our idiot of a president disregarded and riled everyone up over. There’s only an estimated 23% chance that we all die,” he was still laughing, “You should really read the news more,” Panic and relief clashed inside me and made it hard to breath. 

Relief because there was only a 23% chance that Aatami and Cal and Mia and Uncle B were all going to die in a huge fiery explosion. 

Panic because there was a 100% chance that they would all die if I didn’t sell my soul.

“Why me?” I asked, I barely kept my voice from shaking. Helplessness was making me feel watery and weak. _God I hope Aatami isn’t stupid enough to show up without backup._

“You mean aside from the fact that it’ll ruin my dear brother?” he said, and I swallowed. I told myself I was asking to stall. 

“Why do you want me to become your protegé and not Mia?” Kevin’s smile flickered.

“Mika, I’m afraid, doesn’t have what it takes,” Kevin said vaguely, he shot a look at Mia, who was still standing rigidly in the grip of the goons holding him. His eyes were blank and faraway. “The only thing he was good for was the money he brought in.” Fire laced my veins and set my scalp blazing. I clenched my fists to hide the shaking. 

“So you were too busy projecting the grudge you have against Kenya on him?” I asked, my voice was quiet so I didn’t betray the unsteadiness I was feeling. Except that, it was all starting to make sense in a way that made my stomach clench. I knew my mother had been a prostitute before I was born. I didn’t give a shit because I wasn’t willing to judge her for what she decided to do with herself. But now everything made a little more sense. Kevin’s grin dropped, and he struggled to recover himself.

“I have no idea what you’re–” he started, sounding falsely calm. I latched on and tore into him, mercy was so far in the back of my mind. It was being eaten with my guilt on a silver platter by my anger. Sliced apart and devoured until all that I could feel was the buzzing in my ears and my own hot skin.

“So you don’t only think of the wife you lost everytime you dig into Mia?” I asked, my eyes locked with his. “You don’t think about how much they look alike, and you don’t punish her through him every single day?” I asked, I kept going before he could stop me, my voice rising as I gained confidence. “You couldn’t attack the one person you hate most, and so you had to go and take it out on a _child_. I mean, what was it? Why didn’t you just hunt Kenya down and kill her, if you were so angry? What? Were you afraid of Nicholas? Were you afraid of Koda? Were you afraid of a uselessly terrified _slut_?” I ground out the words and Kevin started shaking with anger. He was losing his grip fast and somewhere in the back of my mind, where my guilt was being massacred, I realized this was a very dangerous idea.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about _child_ ,” he hissed. 

“Or was it us you were afraid of, your own children?”

“ _I do not fear children,_ ” he said through clenched teeth, I grinned.

“Then why do you have me held down with two guards?” I asked, Kevin stared me down for a moment and then seemed to recover himself a little. He put up a grin but I recognized it as plastic.

“I’d hoped you had the same aversion to touch that Mika seems so set on faking,” Kevin said, and I laughed. I laughed around the pounding of my heart and the fire in my veins and everything that was in my stomach roiling.

“ _Rose-Count, mob boss extraordinaire, can’t even handle his own children,_ ” I cackled, sounding a bit hysterical. But suddenly it was like watching someone else moving my lips and throwing back my head. I felt numb. “Just wait for this to get out, you’ll be ruined _,_ ” I said. Kevin had apparently had enough, his hand was on my throat and suddenly I couldn’t breath. It cut off my laughing and I choked for a moment. Panic was starting to rear its head through my anger.

“ _You will regret that,_ ” he hissed as black spots started swirling, and my lungs burned for oxygen. 

“ _Don’t!_ ” Mia’s pleading voice sounded far away from the blood rushing through my head and my heart slamming into my ribs. Kevin’s hand left my throat and I gasped for air. Letting myself lean forward slightly. My neck felt cold where he’d let go, and I wanted to claw at my throat until the skin peeled off where he’d touched. I heard Kevin snap his fingers and suddenly the goons hold on me vanished and I dropped face first onto the concrete. I coughed and gasped, pushing myself onto all fours. Kevin’s hand was in my hair and he yanked my head back. My scalp burned and he glared down at me. I suddenly re-realized he was Rose-Count. The crime king of this side of the states. 

“ _I do not fear children,_ ” he hissed in my ear before dropping me. I dropped like a sack of potatoes and suddenly felt like throwing up.

“She doesn’t mean it please–” Mia tried. 

“You _don’t get to speak now,_ ” Kevin hissed, his voice was icy and I turned in time to see him land a vicious looking back hand that would have most likely completely bowled Mia over if there hadn’t been two goons supporting him. Mia yelped, and Kevin turned away like he expected that to be it. 

“Please, don’t do this, it’s not–” Mia begged desperately, and Kevin froze. His eyes narrowed on me. Then he pulled back his foot and landed a hard kick to my stomach. It rolled me over and I curled in on my side, clutching my stomach and choking on air again. I wheezed on the ground and coughed. My spit tasted metallic, and for a moment I panicked, thinking about terms like _internal bleeding_ from shitty crime shows. Luckily though, I realized that I’d just bit my tongue when he’d kicked. I spit out a mouthful of blood and glared up at Kevin. I was shaking all over and fear was squeezing my heart but I managed to hold his frozen stare. 

“Eat shit dirtbag,” I said, and Kevin swallowed, pulling his leg back for another kick before suddenly a car roared up onto the roof of the parking garage. All of our heads snapped over to it, as the cherry red Chevelle squealed toward us. I felt relief flood through me, and I pushed myself up–trying to ignore my bruising stomach–and grinned. 

Kevin turned back at me and pulled out his gun, but he came face to face with a can of pepper spray, and I pulled the trigger before he could. He screamed and dropped to the ground and I grabbed the gun, pointing it at the other goons behind me.

Mia’s eyes were wide and he was frozen.

“Drop him before I blow all of your heads off,” I said, the goons dropped him. I was almost surprised, but I didn’t let it show. “Back away, and hands above your head until the cops pull up,” I ordered, they all complied. Mia looked like he was barely standing as the Chevelle screamed to a stop and Cal burst out before it had fully stopped. He was on Mia in an instant, he whispered something and Mia nodded, collapsing to the ground. Cal sank down with him and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing his own eyes shut. Aatami popped up out of the car next, he had to shove past some of the goons but he was racing towards me. The cop cars that had followed them up were parking and I didn’t get the chance to watch as cops handcuffed the goons.

“ASH!” Aatami called out a second to late, I reacted by turning towards him, which was a mistake, and suddenly Kevin knocked me over. I lost the gun, and struggled to crawl blindly away but Kevin grabbed my ankle and dragged me back. He wrapped his hands around my neck and cut off my air again. My mind was swimming and all I could see was Kevin’s swollen, hate filled eyes over me and the blue sky behind him. 

Then he was off me. I gulped greedy lungfuls of air down and rolled over onto my side to cough up what felt like a lung. I vaguely saw Aatami and Cal both pin down Kevin. Cal’s knuckles were white where he had them wrapped around Kevin’s neck and Aatami was holding down Kevin’s struggling legs as Kevin’s face went purple. Before I realized what I was doing I was scraping my elbows on the cement as I crawled for the gun.

Aatami spotted me as I pushed myself up and walked over, his eyes widened and he let go of Kevin and threw himself at Cal to get him off. Cal and Aatami tumbled to a stop with Aatami holding Cal in place with his arms around his waist as Cal fought to get back on Kevin. Then Cal looked up and spotted me, his eyes widened and he froze. 

Kevin’s eyes were full of terror as he looked up at me. My mind went blank as I raised the gun and aimed it at his face. 

I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just lowered the gun to be level with his dick and pulling the trigger of the gun until I heard it click and the gun stopped kicking. Someone ripped the gun out of my hand, there was screaming, but it all sounded muffled, and then everything when dark and blank.


	22. She's Not in Alabama

**I woke up three times.**

Once just seconds after I’d passed out on the roof. Aatami was still holding me, but we’d moved so we were closer to Mia and Cal and I could hear Cal fighting off the cops that were trying to take me and Mia away for questioning. Mia was passed out in Cal’s arms and I started laughing. As soon as Cal and Aatami realized I was awake they both turned their attention to me but I didn’t hear anything they said. All I did was laugh because Mia and I were both so similar. Then Mia’s eyes opened and we locked eyes. For a moment they looked exactly like Uncle B’s had when I’d first woken up in the hospital after I tried to kill myself. I leaned over and threw up.

The next time I woke up I was in the back of a car. My head was in Aatami’s lap and we were sitting in the trunk of the car. I could see Cal’s hair over the backseat and what looked like Uncle B sitting in the driver's seat. It smelled like cigarettes and motor oil and cats and blood and cedar and I choked. The back of the car closed in on me and I just whispered _no_ until I passed out again because it couldn’t be happening again. 

The final time I woke up, there was a machine beeping beside me. The room smelled sterile and the sheets beneath me were starchy and smooth. I blinked my eyes open and saw a blue tiled ceiling above me. The sterile smell suddenly became too much for me and I gagged. I sat up and my head throbbed in resistance. Uncle B jolted awake from a chair he’d been sleeping in and he was at my side in an instant.

“No, no, no, no, no, _no._ It can’t happen again it can’t it can’t it–” I whispered. I couldn’t stop the words. They just kept spilling out and repeating in my mind and in my mouth. My wrists itched and my scalp itched and my feet itched and I felt gross and itchy and suddenly being in my own skin made me want to throw up. 

Then Uncle B’s hands were on my face and I met his calm eyes with my wide panicked ones. 

“Please, please–Uncle B it can’t happen again it can’t _it can’t it–_ ”

“ _Green_ , Bee, everything green, tell me what you see,” he asked, his voice was even and only loud enough to be heard over my repeating _‘It can’t.’_ I couldn’t figure out how to stop though, and my ears were ringing and my vision was going fuzzy. I forced myself to look around.

“ _Plant, chair, monitor, picture, logo, cabinet, jacket–_ ” I whispered. 

“Good, that’s good, you’re safe Ash, you’re ok,” Uncle B’s voice was soothing, and my mind quieted but I still felt itchy. Uncle B’s hands on my wrists stopped me from scratching off my own skin, and I stared at them. Then I saw the walls closing in around me. I looked up but they were still again. Fear was making my heart thunder and the machine to my right started beeping more frantically. I blinked and then I was back in the trunk of the car with Mia, shaking and terrified beside me. _It will be._

“Not again, no no, not again, not again, Uncle B not again please–” I pleaded, tears were in my eyes and I could see Uncle B was trying desperately to stay calm. He pulled me into a tight hug and I sobbed into him.

“You’re safe, you’re safe Bee, you’re safe it’s ok,” he whispered over and over. He kissed my forehead and I cried harder. “Bee, the monitor is going off, which means that the doctors are going to be up, don’t worry ok? I won’t let anything happen,” he said after a moment. I nodded slightly, and as if on queue the door burst open and a frazzled looking doctor rushed in. I tensed, but didn’t move.

“What happened?” The woman asked sharply, she sounded slightly out of breath, and Uncle B hugged me tighter so that I couldn’t move my head to see her.

“It’s fine, she just woke up. We’re fine now, thank you,” Uncle B said, his voice still quiet and I could hear a pleasant smile in his voice as he dismissed the woman. “Give us a couple of minutes, _please?_ ” he added when she didn’t move. She paused, like she was giving me a look before I heard her turn away and close the door. 

_Please don’t do this, she doesn’t mean it._

“I don’t want to do it again,” I whispered into Uncle B’s shirt. 

“You don’t have to Bee, you don’t have to,” he whispered back. He held me while I cried and cried. I felt like a child, sobbing into Uncle B and clinging to him like a drowning cat. It made me cry harder, and it felt like forever just sitting there, sobbing into Uncle B. My tears were a mix of left over terror and relief at being near Uncle B again as the events of everything suddenly resurfaced and I felt like I was drowning.

I must have fallen asleep again, because when I woke back up Uncle B was still on the bed with me, still holding me and rocking us both softly. I sniffled and shifted enough to wipe my nose. 

“Are you feeling any better?” Uncle B asked softly, it made his voice sound gravelly and I nodded after a moment. He shifted and handed me a glass of water that was sitting on the bedside table. I took a careful sip, and then my throat suddenly remembered how dry it was and I downed the whole thing. Uncle B set my empty glass back on the table and then wrapped his arms around me again.

“Are they ok?” I croaked, my abused throat stung at the use and I winced. Thankfully Uncle B didn’t react to it. 

“Yeah, they’re all fine. Aatami wanted to be here, but I told him to go get you some food for when you wake up. He should be back any minute,” Uncle B said, still keeping his voice low, “Calia is fine, he and Mika went with Aatami,” Uncle B continued, still speaking softly. “I didn’t want to let Mika go, I wanted him to be here where I could see him, but his guard dog wouldn’t go without him and Mika insisted. Aatami finally convinced me to let Mika go with them, but only because he got some officers to escort them all,” Uncle B said, I thought he sounded exasperated, but then I realized he it was just exhaustion. 

I smiled, imagining Cal and Uncle B in a standoff that I doubted either of them would back down from or win. Of course Aatami and Mia had to be the middle ground. 

“The police want to question you–all of you. But Cal won’t let Mika out of his sight and you’ve been unconscious,” I smiled at the thought of Cal hassling the officers. “You’ve been asleep for almost an hour, Kevin is in custody, and you have one hell of a concussion,” I smiled wider at that. I don’t really know why, but my cheeks ached at the pull. 

“Your boyfriend’s cute,” he said after a moment, with a teasing smile. I laughed, and then winced at the pain in my throat. I drifted off again, and I woke up to the door opening. Uncle B was sitting in the chair beside me again and he smiled at me when he saw my eyes crack open. 

“I’m starting to think your life is equal parts talking shit, eating, and sleeping,” Cal deadpanned as he shoved into the room first. He had a bag of takeout over one arm and Mia’s hand in the other. He paused as he spotted Uncle B, but nothing passed over his face except for a flicker of distrust in his eyes that I’m pretty sure only Mia and I could have noticed. He only stopped for a second though, before dropping the takeout bag on the bedside table next to the monitor.

“Koda, there’s a coffee machine down the hall,” he dismissed flatly. Not bothering to even look at him. I wondered what had created the overprotective demon that was standing in the room. Then I decided I didn’t want to think about it too much, and sealed the thought in a box with glittery duct-tape and stacked it on top of my list. Cigarette smoke leaked out of the top.

Uncle B was smart enough to get the message. He sent Cal a disapproving look that Cal pointedly ignored and he shot me and Mia each a promising glance as he left the room.

“Anyone want anything? I’ll be back in a bit,” he said, half out the door.

“Yeah I’ll take a coffee,” Aatami said with an apologetic smile. I couldn’t help the tiny grin that covered my face. Uncle B nodded before closing the door behind him.

“Scoot,” Cal demanded, and I raised a brow at him but complied. He threw himself on the bed and I laughed and winced. 

“Asshole,” I croaked, he rolled his eyes and then pulled Mia onto the bed with him. I laughed and then Aatami climbed in next to me. I was almost totally sure that Mia and Aatami were half falling off, the bed was definitely not big enough for all four of us. But I didn’t object as Aatami played with my hair and we smiled warmly at one another like a couple of idiots.

“Fuck life,” Cal said after we’d all stopped shifting. We all laughed. 

Aatami looked fine, his hair was down and ungelled and it felt soft between my fingers. Cal’s face was covered in just a bandaid and huge blue and yellow bruises, and I could see the stitches across his nose poking out. He probably should have had more on than just a pink band aid but he’s a dumbass. There was a fresh bruise starting on his cheek and he kept shifting so he wasn’t putting pressure on his right side. I added the fact that those were probably from Fisk to the top of my growing list. Mia looked ok, he was smiling a little but he still looked shaky. There was a bruise starting on his cheek from where Kevin had backhanded him. Cal was wrapped around him like seran wrap and I doubted he planned on unwrapping willingly anytime soon. 

“There’s only a 23% change that the world actually ends though,” I said, my voice still sounded rough and Aatami winced slightly. His eyes dropped to my neck where I could feel a ring of finger shaped bruises. 

“You sound like shit,” Cal said, “And you didn’t know that?” he added, I rolled my eyes and we all laughed again.

“Fuck you,” I said, but I couldn’t stop smiling. I reached behind me and squeezed Cal’s hand, he squeezed back and I curled tighter around Aatami. 

“I swear to god though, if one more person calls me Ashleigh I’m going to strangle them,” I said, my voice was muffled by Aatami but I heard him and Mia laugh.

“I dare you, _Ashleigh,_ ” Cal said, I groaned and we all laughed again. 

“I love you guys,” I said. It just slipped out, but I meant it. It was weird that I’d only known them all for less than a week, but it felt like it had been years. That was probably all the trauma talking. 

“This isn’t Alabama, back off my man Ash,” Cal said and we all laughed again. 

“Guys I don’t want to go back to school on Monday,” Aatami said, and we all groaned. 

“Gross, why’d you have to bring that up,” I asked, then I frowned as I realized that none of us lived in the same town. Aatami lived in Salem, that was at least closer to Portland, but Cal lived somewhere in Washington with the Mioka’s and Mia… I sat up suddenly. 

“Mia, you’re going to live with me,” I said. Sitting up so fast it made my head spin but I held myself up so I could see Mia, Aatami sat up and put his hands on my back to stabilize me. Mia pushed himself up too, which made Cal sit up. 

“I–” Mia started.

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to, but you could come live in the house with me in Portland. Mom’s never around and Uncle B lives close so he comes over all the time,” I said, Mia furrowed his brows. 

“I…” He dropped his eyes and rubbed his arm selfconsiously. “I don’t want to be a burden...” he said, and I shook my already spinning head.

“I promise you’ll never be a burden, besides, I’m sure Uncle B will be as adamant as I am about you coming,” I said, “It’ll be easier if you agree now and skip over him hounding you,” I added, and Mia chewed on his lip. 

“Kevin’s going to jail, hopefully until he rots, and you sure as hell aren’t staying with anyone he wants,” Cal said, Mia sighed.

“As long as it’s not… not a problem–and I can leave as soon as you want, there’s places I can stay or… I mean, I could work it out, it wouldn’t be a problem,” he added quickly, and I squeezed Aatami’s hand so tightly I was impressed that he didn’t make a sound. Then I realized he was squeezing just as hard. 

“Mia, we’re never going to want you to leave,” I said slowly, he met my eyes after a moment and I held his jumpy gaze. “If you want to leave at any time you can, but we aren’t going to want you to leave,” I promised. Mia’s eyes dropped again. “Think about it at least,” I said, Mia nodded and then there was a knock on the door. Mia jumped up and dropped Cal’s hand faster than any of us could register. Aatami and Cal were up just as fast, but Aatami lingered by me, both of us watching as Cal took Mia’s hand again and made a show of breathing evenly. 

“It’s not him,” Cal said almost sharply. Mia nodded quickly, but kept his eyes on the door as it opened. Uncle B walked in, holding two cups of coffee, he nodded a thanks to the officer who was holding the door for him. The officer nodded back with a smile and glanced at all of us before closing the door. Mia relaxed, and Aatami and I let out a breath.

“I didn’t know what you would want so I just got you a latte,” Uncle B said, handing the drink over me to Aatami. “But I have a mocha, so if you want that I’d be willing to trade,” he offered, and Aatami smiled and took the latte.

“No, thanks this is great,” he said, Uncle B smiled back and they both sipped their coffees. I cleared my throat, and then winced.

“I need to... talk to Uncle B for a second,” I said, squeezing Aatami and glancing at Cal and Mia. The look on Cal’s face made me feel the rubber band string of trust in my gut again. He’d already trusted Uncle B more than he’d wanted to by leaving him alone with me. I had a feeling the only thing keeping him from completely ignoring Uncle B was Mia. “I’ll be fine, just a few minutes,” I said, mostly to Cal but I squeezed Aatami’s hand when I said it. 

“I may need a quick word too,” Mia said, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and glancing around the room like he expected someone to tell him he couldn’t.

“We’ll be right outside the door,” Aatami said, and his hand slipped from mine. Cal nodded at Mia like they’d had a conversation, and then followed Aatami out the door.

“We’re all going to have to have a chat about codependent relationships after this, just so you both know,” Uncle B said as he set his coffee down and leaned forward with his hand folded and resting between his knees. He glanced between us calmly, easily making eye contact. He was sitting in the chair by my bed and I actually looked at him for the first time since I’d left with his hoodie. 

Uncle B was tall, now that I knew I was actually related to him by blood, I hoped I’d get some of the height. He was wearing a pair of worn looking jeans and a plain grey t-shirt with a thick green CarHartt jacket overtop. His shaved head was starting to grow out a little and the short hairs were standing up every which way. With it grown out I could see he had the same curly black hair as Kevin. Apparently both Mia and I had gotten Mom’s hair. The tips of his rose tattoo poked out just barely over the jacket, and my stomach sank a little with the new realization of what it meant.

_I got it during a low point, and now it’s just a reminder of someone I don’t want to be again._

I had compared myself to Uncle B before, but now it felt different. Now I was looking for all the hints of Kevin and Mia. Like how he and Mia had almost the exact same, reserved but genuine smiles. Mia also had picked up the habit of drumming his fingers like Uncle B did. But I could only see so much of Mia in his face, the rest was dominated by Kevin. Uncle B was skinnier, longer, but his face still looked like a worn out copy of his brother’s. I wondered if I would see Kevin’s face in everyone I loved for the rest of my life. It made me wish there was a higher chance of the world ending today.

“Why didn’t you tell me I had a brother?” I asked finally. I meant Kevin and Mia.

“Kenya and Nick didn’t want either of you to know about each other. Nick said it was for your own safety and Kenya just didn’t want you asking questions,” he explained, still looking between us. 

“So you didn’t know about me?” I asked Mia, he shook his head. 

“I knew Kenya was my mother but I didn’t know she had a daughter,” he said, and I nodded slowly. I was building a timeline in my head, but for some reason it felt like a train careening towards my stability. 

Kenya had me, she lived with Kevin for a year, got pregnant with Mia, met Dad who helped her run. Presumably Kenya had met Uncle B before she went on the run, since he ran with her. Then She had Mia, Kevin tracked them down and took Mia, Uncle B and Dad tried to save Mia, and Kevin killed Dad for it. 

I blinked and thought about how weird it felt to sum up the history of my family like I wasn’t a part of it. But none of it was familiar to me, I couldn’t remember living with Kevin, or Mia being born. I just remembered my Dad, my mom, and Uncle B, all acting like our lives weren’t weird. 

Though, now that I thought about it, it did explain my mothers need to sleep with her bedroom door and the front door locked, and why Dad and Uncle B slept in my room so much when I was little.

“Huh,” I said, because I couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

“Ash said I should come live with her and Kenya,” Mia said, and I realized that he was actually pretty calm in the room with Uncle B. Almost as calm as he was when Cal was with him. Uncle B nodded and smiled evenly.

“Of course, but that isn’t your only option,” he said, and I got ready to fight him, “You could also stay with me, my apartment is small but I’d be willing to give you the room and stay on the couch.” He shot me a look as he finished. I relaxed, Mia fidgeted and wouldn’t meet Uncle B’s eyes. “You get to choose which place you stay at but there’s no way you’re not living with either Kenya or me,” Uncle B’s voice suddenly got that stern tone that meant he wasn’t going to argue. 

“Why?” Mia asked bluntly, and Uncle B and I shared a look.

“What ‘why’?” Uncle B asked, and Mia furrowed his brow.

“Why would you give up your room?” he asked, I bit down on my tongue and tried not to glare at Uncle B. 

“Because, you need the room more than I do, you’re a teenage boy with a boyfriend,” Uncle B said, Mia’s look didn’t change.

“Bu–” Mia started.

“Ah–! Nope, me or Kenya, pick one Beetle,” Uncle B said, he wasn’t breaking eye contact despite the fact that Mia’s eyes were pinned to the floor. 

“I… I don’t know,” he said finally.

“If you live with me you get a room that doesn’t smell like Uncle B,” I said, Uncle B raised a brow at me playfully.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked with a smile, I reluctantly shared it.

“You smell like cigarettes all the time,” I said, Uncle B wrinkled his nose. 

“My old roommate’s fault,” he said, and Mia suddenly straightened.

“Oh! I almost forgot,” he said, pulling a blue candle out of his pocket and setting it on the bedside table. Then he blushed slightly and paused. “Do either of you have a lighter?” Uncle B handed him one and he lit the candle. A mock ‘ocean breeze’ scent filled the air with the dancing flame.

“What’s that about?” I asked as Mia handed the lighter back. He fidgeted with his hands and shrugged.

“The doctor smells like smoke every time she comes in.” Realization dawned on me as I remembered the cigarette burns on Cal’s arms. 

“Blue for any particular reason?” I asked, Mia smiled and watched the candle. 

“Cal likes blue,” he said simply. “I think… I think I’ll stay with Kenya, I don’t want you to have to sleep in your living room for me.” 

“Perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SAID LET THEM BE SOFT DAMNIT!


	23. And I Feel Fine

**“23% chance the world ends in ten minutes,”** I said with a laugh.

“It’s like the worst New Year’s party ever,” Uncle B said with a smile. 

“Meh,” Cal said with a noncommittal shrug. Mia laughed with us.

The four of us were all sitting together in a hotel room Uncle B had rented. I’d been– _reluctantly_ –discharged from the hospital with orders not to look at screens or do anything physical. _Basically just don’t be stupid,_ Uncle B had summed up. Cal had muttered something about that being hard for me and I’d punched him in the shoulder, which had gotten both of us separate seats in the car and a smug smirk from Cal.

Uncle B had gotten only one hotel room, and when Cal realized he stormed back downstairs and returned with the key to the adjoining room. Uncle B and him had argued because– _You’re not staying in that room alone. I’ll do what I want old man I bought it. I don’t care, not alone. Oh, trust me, I won’t be alone._ Then tried to drag Mia into said other room, which had gotten a solid scold from Uncle B and had all four of us sitting so we could watch the TV. Aatami had gone back to his Baba, and I didn’t blame him but I missed him more every time Uncle B snapped at Cal for getting too close to Mia.

“I will cut your hand off if you snap at me again old man,” Cal growled, he was sitting up enough to glare at Uncle B from where he’d been laying down beside Mia. Mia and I laughed and Uncle B glared back. 

“Hey, you’re technically under my roof, which means my rules kid. That means you’re lucky you can be closer to my nephew than twenty feet,” Uncle B snapped back. Cal held his stare for a moment before he got up–probably to buy the hotel room just so he could rub it in Uncle B’s face. But Mia grabbed his arm and laughed.

“Cal don’t, it’s fine,” he said, and Cal growled something and shot a glare at Uncle B but sat down on the bed again. He picked up a pillow and threw it in Mia’s lap before laying down with his head on it. 

“No touching,” he said, hands in the air in mock surrender. I laughed with Mia at Uncle B’s unimpressed stare. He didn’t say anything though, just sighed and looked back at the TV. 

It was playing a live feed of the asteroid hurtling at us through space. It looked so slow moving, and so far away that I could almost imagine I was watching some boring TV show and not our possible deaths.

“It doesn’t really feel like the end of the world,” I admitted. 

“Somebody play R.E.M,” Cal said dryly.

“Maybe it doesn’t feel like the end of the world because teenagers still can’t behave even if it’s the last thing they might do,” Uncle B said pointedly, I rolled my eyes and Cal flipped him off from where he was lying. 

“Wait! Speaking of last things–” I said, jumping up off the bed and tearing off a piece of paper from the notepad. I hadn’t had time to take a picture like I’d promised Cal, but I drew a shitty stick figure rendition of his and Mia’s kiss in the Rose-Count house. I held it up proudly.

“You kept your end of the bargain, so here’s mine–sort of…” I admitted, and Cal bit out a laugh, taking the drawing from me and shaking his head.

“Michelangelo who?” He said sarcastically, and Mia cocked his head to try and tell what it was, before blushing furiously as he realized. “Look Mia, we have fan art,” Cal said, holding the picture up to a completely red Mia. 

“Why?” Mia managed, and Cal laughed. 

“Ash told me we’d burn it while we watched the world burn,” he said, handing the picture back to me. I grinned and looked over at Uncle B who was watching us all with a quizzical expression. Like we were some code he wouldn’t ever be able to crack.

“Still got that lighter Uncle B?” I asked, he shook his head and pulled it out, handing it over to me. I took it and glanced back to the TV, there was a clock ticking down in one corner and live drone footage of cities being rioted as the clock ticked down. _2 minutes._ I sucked in a breath.

“Do I get an end of the world kiss or will the old man eat my eyeballs?” Cal asked to no one in particular. I laughed while Mia blushed again and glanced to Uncle B. He rolled his eyes and shook his head in exasperation. 

“One minute,” I said, reading the fast counting clock. I lit the lighter and held the picture up over it. Uncle B watched me with wide eyes.

“Ash, do that over the sink, Jesus do you want to set the building on fire?” he scolded me and I rolled my eyes. 

“Uncle B the world’s ending, I don’t think it matters if we get a little more on fire,” I said, and Uncle B scoffed.

“ _Over the sink or don’t do it Ashleigh Danielle,_ ” Uncle B said, and I widened my eyes in annoyance but took my flame to the kitchen sink. 

“Thirty seconds,” Cal said, he wrapped his hands around the collar of Mia’s jacket, Mia blushed but didn’t stop him. Uncle B was glaring at the TV. 

“Ten… Nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two–” I set the picture on fire and tore my eyes from the TV to watch it burn. Panic flared in my gut with the flame, and mimicked the flame licking it’s way up the paper to leave nothing but my charred, crumbly self behind.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to box up my panic, but it kept slipping under the lid before I could lock it in. It clawed its way around my chest and burned my throat. I held my breath. 

Then my eyes jumped open and I dropped the burning paper to yank my hand away as I yelped when the flames burned me. I looked over at the TV. It was terrifyingly blank, the image frozen on screen, and then–

_WE ARE SAFE. THE ASTEROID HAS PASSED BY US WITHOUT INCIDENT. MINOR EARTHQUAKES REPORTED NEAR WHERE IT PASSED OVER BUT WE ARE SAFE._

_REPEAT, WE ARE SAFE._

“WHOO!” I screamed, throwing my hands up and crashing into Uncle B for a bone crushing hug. Relief washing over me and drowning all the panic I’d had.

“FUCK YES!” Cal whooped, and he sat up and knocked Mia over with another kiss. Mia shrieked with laughter and I could hear people around us in the hotel screaming with us. 

“We’re alive,” I said breathlessly, Uncle B loosened his grip enough to smile at me. He had tears in his eyes. 

“We’re alive,” he agreed. 

It was the end of the world as I knew it, and I felt fine.


	24. December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You thought you were getting out of this without an Uncle B POV? You were wrong

(3 Months Later)

**“Nice to formally meet you finally,”** Koda signed with a pleasant smile as he sat down. Ana was wearing an equally warm smile and she nodded. 

“You as well,” she signed back. Koda settled into his chair across from her. The cafe they’d agreed to meet at was actually inside the food court of the mall Koda had just dropped Ash off at to go Christmas/ birthday shopping for Mika with a sour looking Cal. Everything was decorated with fake snow and tinsel, and mistletoe and holly were hanging everywhere. A giant Santa Claus beamed down at them from the corner of the bustling food court. Koda was glad he didn’t have to yell over the noise to be heard. 

He knew where Ash was, roughly, and he knew that Mika was with Aatami helping Aatami’s Baba decorate for the season in Salem, but he couldn’t help jogging his leg at the idea of them not being within view. He could hear Ash in the back of his head giving him some speech about ‘ _independence’_ and not being a ‘ _helicopter parent.’_ But he couldn’t help the anxiety he had. 

Cal was with Ash though, and Aatami and his Baba were with Mia, he reminded himself. They were fine and safe and he didn’t have to worry. Instead he should focus on the other parent across from him.

He knew quite a bit about Ana Mioka, thanks to Ash and Mika’s rants and the internet. Not that he’d stalked her, she was just in the news every other day for something. Plus she’d been around more now that the Mioka’s had moved to Portland. Cal hadn’t even tried to pretend it wasn’t to be closer to Mika and Ash. Despite all that this was their first official meeting, between Koda’s new job and Ana’s full schedule they just hadn’t found time to formally introduce themselves.

“Ash and Mika have told me a lot about you, just so you know,” Koda warned, and Ana laughed. She was a tall woman, with short cut brown hair and she was wearing a pair of jeans with a puffy vest and a large green and white striped scarf. 

“I’m sure, and Cal has told me about you,” she signed when she had stopped laughing, Koda smiled.

“I’m sure less, he doesn’t seem very talkative. That might just be because he doesn’t like me,” Koda signed good naturedly, and Ana rolled her eyes with a knowing smirk.

“He’s a stubborn boy,” she started, pausing for a moment to think of the right words. “It’s not _you_ he doesn’t like, so don’t worry. It’s more of what you represent, he has a hard time with parental figures,” Ana explained. Koda pursed his lips into a line and nodded understanding. 

“I know how that is,” he signed, thinking of Ash and Mika. 

“You’re Ash and Mia’s Uncle, correct?” Ana asked, her brow furrowed slightly. Koda nodded and shook himself out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah, they both live with their mother, Kenya.” He kept the part about how he’d moved in with them all after the whole _‘road trip at the end of the world’_ incident. Kenya lived at his apartment more often than she did in her own house, things had gotten worse with her. Koda wouldn’t admit it, but he was glad she wasn’t around Ash as much, and that she wouldn’t be around Mika. But knowing that both Mika and Ash–and Cal more times than not–would be alone in the house so often had wrecked his sleep and he’d moved in after two days of zero sleep and numerous phone calls a night that Ash said were _‘killing the teen anarchy vibe.’_

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them, he knew they would be fine alone, especially together. But there were so many things that could go wrong. Accidents, Kevin’s men (even though he was in jail, and permanently paralyzed from the waist down thanks to Ash), Ash’s backslides, Mika’s backslides. It was all too much for him to think about while in his own apartment twenty minutes away. A lot could happen in twenty minutes. 

Ana’s brows knitted tighter together. 

“Cal tells me you raised them both,” she signed. Koda blinked, and then felt his chest tighten slightly, he smiled. 

“I’ve helped, Kenya has bad days,” he explained vaguely. He may not agree with Kenya’s style but he knew better than anyone it hadn’t been her choice to have either Ash or Mia, and while that didn’t excuse her absentee mothering, the only other option was adoption and Koda knew he couldn’t risk Kevin discovering either of them in the system–or risk never seeing either of them again. That had never been an option.

“Well, you did an excellent job, I adore both of them,” she said, and Koda couldn’t help but beam almost as brightly as the rosy cheeked Santa. 

“Thank you,” he said, thinking about either of them made him warm with pride. He’d gotten a real job, one with insurance that helped have both Mika and Ash in therapy now that he was living with them full-time, and both of them had been making amazing strides in recovering. He’d always known they were strong, and every time he saw Mika casually holding hands with someone or Ash smiling and laughing it made everything in his world ok. 

“And I could never say no to seeing Cal,” Koda signed back, despite his first introduction to Cal–and the boys attitude–Koda could tell he was a good kid, and he respected that. Ana smiled devilishly.

“The stubborn asshole,” she signed lovingly, and they both laughed. Then Ana focused on something over Koda’s shoulder, she waved. “Speak of the devils,” she signed with a smile. Koda turned around in time to see Ash flop over his shoulders and squeeze him in a hug. 

“Oh my _god,_ you wouldn’t _believe_ the people we ran into,” she said dramatically, pulling a chair up and plopping down at the table. Cal sulked up a couple steps behind her, following suit in pulling up a chair. Ana reached her hand across the table to pull some fake snow out of Cal’s hair, he ignored her and scowled lightly at a spot above Ash’s head–but he didn’t pull away either. 

“Cal and I almost had to fight someone for a pair of socks,” she continued, switching into sign language for Ana who smiled at her warmly. Ash was still a little new to the complicated language, but her practice was showing and Koda could understand most of what she was saying. 

“Sounds like an endeavor,” Ana signed with a laugh. “No _actual_ fighting though–I hope,” she asked, looking pointedly at Cal, who raised a brow lazily.

“Nothing you can prove,” he signed. There were bags of stuff around them both. Koda had offered to give Ash money before, but she’d refused, instead opting to use the money she’d saved up from working flipping burgers at a restaurant near the house. She’d talked Cal into working with her, and now whenever Koda went in for a burger to say hi to Ash he was greeted with Cal’s bored, blank face at the register. He smiled thinking of it, the two of them working together. He was glad Ash had found someone to be close with, even if it was sullen Calia Mioka. 

“So shopping went well?” Koda signed with a smirk, Ash nodded and grinned.

“I got something for both of you, and something Aatami’s going to _love_ –” she signed, before pausing to dig through the bags. She plopped what looked like a bobblehead of some guy in old roman looking armor with a helmet that had a huge plume on it. Cal rolled his eyes as she grinned at it. “It’s a little…” she paused her hands signs and furrowed her brow. “Uhh…” she said out loud. “I don’t know how to say ‘Achilles Bobblehead’,” she admitted, Ana laughed, presumably reading her lips, and Cal rolled his eyes. Ana signed something that was probably ‘Achilles Bobblehead’ Ash mimicked it a couple of times. “Thanks,” Ash signed back with a smile, then she rushed on, “It’s for his car, so he can stick it on the dashboard,” she explained.

“That’s sweet,” Ana signed, “And your signing has been getting good,” she added, Ash beamed. 

“Thanks, I’ve been making Uncle B and Mia help me practice,” she signed rapidly. Though she forgot to twist both hands for making, instead signing ‘ _I’ve been coffee Uncle B and Mia’_ Koda smiled slightly. 

“Both hands twist Ash,” he reminded her gently and she smiled nervously, twisting her fists in the right sign before glancing around. 

“Right, my bad,” she managed, and Ana laughed warmly.

“It’s fine, signing is hard, you’re doing amazing,” she encouraged and Ash preened, Cal rolled his eyes but didn’t add anything and Ash kicked him under the table. He glared at her and she shot him one back. 

Koda and Ana shared their own look, and Koda was relieved to see the same look of understanding on her face. Ever since the kids had gotten back from the end of the world they all seemed to be able to speak telepathically–especially Cal and Ash. It made sense, all four of them had been through immensely traumatizing experiences, but it did leave Koda feeling out of the loop a bit when all four of them seemed to be able to just silently communicate things. Koda still felt more happy though that Ash finally had people she felt comfortable being that close with though. But was a little startling, having seen her be completely closed off to everyone only to return with three people she seemed to have shared _everything_ with. 

“So Cal, what did you get for Mia?” Ana signed with a teasing smile after they’d stopped sending each other scathing glares. Cal turned his glare on Ana and Ash burst out laughing. 

“Maybe I’m not giving him anything you nosy hag,” Cal said out loud instead of signing just out of spite, it made Ash laugh harder and Ana grin. Koda couldn’t help but grin because despite Cal’s words there wasn’t any bite to them. 

“He wouldn’t even tell _me_ what he got,” Ash signed, Cal glared at her and muttered something about betrayal and Ash laughed again. Koda couldn’t help but feel lighter at the sound of it, and how casually she was laughing. It had been one of the best things to come from the end of the world and he didn’t think he’d ever get used to how easy her laughter sounded now. 

“Fuck you,” Cal said in Japanese, and it made Ash laugh. Koda rolled his eyes.

“Language,” Koda said in the same half heartedly, and Cal mockingly rolled his eyes back at him. 

“ _Comes mierda,_ ” he said, Ana threw a napkin at Cal to get his attention and faked a scandalized face.

“Calia Mioka, how fucking dare you,” she signed, her face splitting into a grin that everyone else copied. 

“Ok, but now Cal and I have to go to the house because we need to set up the surprise for Mia,” Ash signed excitedly, standing up and dragging Cal with her. “Bye!” she waved, hurrying away with an annoyed looking Cal in her wake. Christmas season also meant Mika’s birthday, and this year was the first Ash had ever celebrated her brothers birthday so her and Cal were going all out apparently. Koda smiled at the idea of it, and then turned and gave Ana an exasperated look with an over exaggerated sigh. 

“They’re good kids, she’s lucky to have you,” she signed, and Koda breathed a laugh.

“Thank you, but I think I’m more lucky to have her and Mika then they are to have me.” They both laughed and then Ana looked up thoughtfully at the tinsel covered roof of a cafe.

“I think you’re right,” She started, “I don’t know what I’d do without Cal,” she finished and they both smiled knowingly. If Koda strained, he could swear he could almost hear Cal and Ash bickering from somewhere off in the mall. He knew right then that everything would be ok, and if not casual, maybe just south of it.


End file.
